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Archive for October, 2012

My Lunch with Judy Garland

Posted in My lunch with..., tagged , , , , , , , on October 23, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Today during a lunch meeting, we quoted The Wizard of Oz.  I think I make a reference to this movie at least once a week.  I can’t help it.  There is so much in the story that has invaded our culture that it just works its way in all the time.

The Wizard of Oz (1939)

I love Judy Garland.  Our lunch would be at a place like the Brown Derby.  Some great old Hollywood restaurant with the big, fancy, private booths.  I would tell her how I sing to my coworkers one of the songs from Babes in Arms with Mickey Rooney and my coworkers love it (or so they say…).  “Good morning, it’s a lovely morning, good morning, what a beautiful day…” Well, I guess you have to be there.  I have ruby slipper salt and pepper shakers on the shelf in my office.  Cute decoration and very practical.  (I know, I know, the slippers are silver in the book).  But we’re talking Judy so they’re ruby.

Dorothy’s Ruby Slippers, 1938 Sixteen-year-old...

CBS Logo LightAfter thanking this beautiful woman for all of the happy memories she has given me, I would ask if she was just as angry as I am every time the Winkie says, “Please, and take it with you” after she asks for the witch’s broom.  Doesn’t asking for the broom imply she plans to take it with her?  Plus, Glinda, you couldn’t have let her try to click her heels together in Munchkinland?  I have such special memories of watching this movie each year when I was growing up.  The “Special Presentation” bit would play and I would be so excited sitting on our couch with the subtle plaid pattern.

I’d have my dolls with me and my pillow and blanket, all settled in for the best movie ever!  Till I was around eight years old, I would fall asleep right before the WWW would show up to find her dead sister.   Eventually, I was able to stay up and watch the whole movie.  I would cry every year.  Then we got a color television.  I was angry that the movie turned to color.  I had a lot of issues adjusting to the concept of color TV.  Anyway, I love that movie.  I love Judy Garland.  I love her singing, dancing, the movie magic she was a part of back in the day.

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There are eight

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , on October 21, 2012| Leave a Comment »

English: Author - John Henkel, from the Food a...

Having lived with schizophrenia for this long, one gets used to a heightened level of paranoia as a norm.  I am still haunted by the one psychiatrist who said I shouldn’t have children.  But I do have two wonderful sons and I try to be the best mother I can be.  Still, I watch my sons closely for any early warning signs, reminding myself they are still not of the traditional age of onset.  Younger son, as I have written, will be evaluated for Tourette’s syndrome and I wouldn’t be surprised if it comes back as a “yes” as both involve misfirings of neurochemicals in similar areas of the brain.

 

But last night older son was talking under his breath.  When I asked him if he was talking to himself he said he was talking to the angel and the devil that sit on his shoulders.  My heart skipped a beat.  Then I asked if he was making them talk or if they talked on their own.  He assured me that he makes them talk.  I asked how many there were.  He answered eight.  The second time my heart skipped a beat.  He then explained a very detailed hierarchy about these self-consciences.  The angel has a set, the devil has a set, and so on.  I felt fine by the end of our conversation and the paranoia relaxed back to the regular level.

 

We have not yet told them about what Mommy has because they are young and do not need to know yet.  We’ll tell them when the time comes because I do not want to perpetuate the practice of not talking about important things that exists in the families.  That creates more messes than it’s worth.  They will know what is in their pasts and what to be aware of for their well-beings over their lifetimes.

 

Eight voices.  I had eight voices.  The first two were God and the devil.  At first they were comforting.  But as the six others joined them over the years, and as what they were saying became more violent, they were less and less comforting.  I do not miss them, most of the time.  Sometimes though, when the decision is really difficult, I wonder how it would be if they were here making the decision for me.  It would take the burden off my shoulders.  But accountability is a part of life.  Making good choices.  Even without a little angel and devil on your shoulders.

 

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Mealworms, crickets, and lizards, oh my!

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on October 18, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Oldest son does not want to touch the crickets when feeding his lizard.  Only told me this after we bought the lizard and the crickets.  Tyrann, the lizard, did enjoy some mealworms this evening.  Younger son lost a darkling beetle while spending time with them.  Only told me about that as he was being tucked into bed.  I hope the little guy enjoys his adventure in the room tonight.  Youngest son was so worried about telling me.  I reminded him about the time older son let all of the beetles out in his room.  We found them, we’ll find this guy.

Tomorrow night we have the school dance party.  Oldest son is going to ask a girl to go with him.  It’s a big step and face it, if she’s already planning to go, she may say she’ll meet him there.  The boys have several people who have RSVP’d for their Halloween party so they are VERY excited.

All I have to do now is finish younger son’s costume.  I just can’t seem to find the extra orange broadcloth.  I’m sure it’s somewhere in this house.  For now, I’ll attach the slinkies and he can try it without the fabric covering.  He looks good in the Jack o’ lantern costume.  I still am not sure what I’m going to be for Halloween.  I can always be a pirate…but I’d like to be scary this year.  Hmmmm…what should I be?

I love Halloween.  It’s such a fun time of year.

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Want to put up Halloween decorations?

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on October 13, 2012| Leave a Comment »

From the moment I woke up, about every 10 minutes, younger son asked me if I wanted to put up Halloween decorations.  This boy loves Halloween.  The house is now decorated.  Witches, Jack o’ lanterns, skeletons, and skulls are lovingly placed on every available space in the house.  The boys decorated the yard the other day.  Older son really likes Halloween, but younger son has a strong passion about it.

There was a time when he was about three that younger son wore a pumpkin shirt every day.  He had about five of them and we just had to keep them in a solid rotation schedule with the laundry.  He still has a deep affinity for pumpkins.  All things Halloween, really.  In an acrostic poem at school, for the letter “N” he wrote “Never brings skeletons back from the dead.”  He really does have an Addams Family vibe about him.

Today the boys decided they want to have a Halloween party.  Sure, it’s two weeks away.  We can plan that!  Actually, the house is already decorated and I have plenty of Halloween games at my disposal.  We’ll sending the invites out at school on Monday.  I’ll use beloved facebook to invite some other friends (yes, KH, faithful reader, check your facebook soon!)

I’m almost done making the boys’ costumes.  Older son’s costume doesn’t require much sewing-it’s more of assembling the materials for his original design.  Younger son is being a jack o’ lantern (again) and I now have the orange slinkies to make arms and legs that “pop out and scare people”.  I just have to make the fabric coverings for them.

Ah, Halloween.  This year I’m thinking of being a pirate instead of a witch.  We’ll see.

 

 

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Nor’easter Winds Bring in the Ghosts

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2012| Leave a Comment »

The winds picked up this evening.  The nor’easter winds with their eerie, haunting howls.  The shrieks have been wrapping around the house all night.  The tempests have brought the ghosts in with them.  I’ve heard Mom’s door opening and closing.  Brigs snored at the bottom of the stairs.  A big one that even rattled his collar.  Creepiness is filling my home and I love every minute of it.

October is a magical month.  The leaves die and float to the ground revealing the skeletal arms of the trees.  Soon a walk around the block will echo with the crunch and crackle of the leaves under foot.  The night creeps in earlier and the moon always seems brighter.  Scarecrows adorn the lawns and the straw arms billow from the gales, stretching out to catch a person as he walks by their perch.

Colorful mums sprout from the ground and grow fuller each day.  The color of the leaves on the grass blend with the mums.  Pumpkins and Jack ‘o lanterns burst with color in a graying world.  Ghosts stories float to children’s ears, scaring them a little bit more until they cry out for the storyteller to stop.

In a few weeks. children dressed as cowboys, princesses, and monsters get to willingly approach strangers and ask them for candy.  Witches will cackle flying on their brooms overhead.  Scary moans and laughter, rattling chains, and haunting  music will swirl around and fill the night with spooky noises.

I can remember walking Brigs during October and always being thankful that he was a large dog.  Even though I knew I was perfectly safe, the hairs would stand up on the back of my neck.  Sounds would echo down the street and seem to be surrounding us at the same time.  I could feel eyes watching us.  I was sure of it and so I stuck close to Brigs.  I knew he would protect me.  This is the first autumn without him here to bring me comfort as the nor’easter ghosts settle in for the winter again.

Oh, I love the autumn.  I love ghost stories.  I love the look of the fog and the sounds of the wind and the leaves.  I love the smell of the wood burning in fireplaces to warm the homes with glowing windows as we all settle in for the cold.  A lot of Uncle Stevie to read in the coming months.  Old tales that are good friends that help to keep one warm during the winter months.  And to help keep the ghosts at bay.  Even as the gales blow around the house.

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My Lunch with the Kramers

Posted in My lunch with..., tagged , , , , on October 9, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I caught the last hour or so of Kramer vs Kramer tonight.  Good Lord.  The movie came out in 1979 and I’ve watched it I don’t know how many times yet still it makes me CRY LIKE A BABY!

Dustin Hoffman is so amazing in this movie.  The scene in the park when he tells Billy that he’s so lucky because he gets to go live with Mommy breaks my heart.  When Billy asks if he’ll still kiss him goodnight and he says he won’t be able to do that anymore.  Tears, down the side of my face.  Then the scene when they make breakfast and they show how they got a routine with the french toast…sob fest.

Joanna as she comes to pick Billy up and she says how she should have painted clouds in Billy’s room so he would feel like he was home…”I realized he already is home”.  The smile on Ted’s face that peaks through Joanna’s hair as she says she’s not going to take him is awesome.

This movie struck such a chord in the country at the time and it stuck with me for decades.  Divorce was becoming common at the time but to have the child be with the father was groundbreaking.  The court testimony was so riveting, still is.  When Ted wonders why mothers are naturally better…why can’t a father do all of that.  Anyway, he says it better.  He had a script.  Both performances, and Billy’s performance, were wonderfully nuanced.  It is one of my favorite movies, but I do tend to only watch it when I need a good cry.

I love that oxymoron.  There is such truth in it.  Sometimes you just really need to cry.  I could use a good cry tonight, but I came into the movie so late I only wept a little.  I could throw in another tearjerker (Terms of Endearment anyone?) and bawl my eyes out.  Or I could fold laundry.  That could make me cry too!

I realized watching Kramer vs Kramer tonight that this may be where I developed the habit of painting murals on bedroom walls.  Why not use the walls in your house as space for art?  Might as well enjoy the space you are living in each day.  And like Ted and Billy, I love french toast for breakfast.

Might go look for another movie.  A tearjerker.  Have myself a good cry.

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I’m a little macabre

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , on October 4, 2012| 4 Comments »

Last night younger son and I were working on the K’Nex.  We’re on step 79 of 182.  It’s a great way of teaching patience.  As we’re putting the little rods into the connectors, he was quoting :Georgie” from the movie of Stephen King’s It.  “It’s all your fault Bill.  You let It get me, Bill.  It’s all your fault.”  He does this perfectly.  He even looks like the actor who played Georgie.  We’ve got to put him in a little yellow slicker and rain hat one day.  As he keeps doing this, I’m giggling and telling him he’s a wee bit creepy.  I wanted to make sure younger son knew where this was coming from so I asked him if he knew I meant “creepy” in a good way, that he was being funny.  He said, “Yeah, Mom, I know.”  Then I asked if it bothered him that some people look at us like we’re a little bit odd.  His response?  “No, it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m a little macabre.”

Older son comes into the dining room (because everyone keeps their four foot K’Nex set-up on the dining room table).  He had been working on his comic strips.  I asked him if the “odd” moniker bothered him.  He said no and then, in the style of the Addams Family, crossed his arms and snapped twice.  I love my sons.

Tonight I decided to watch Clue.  As younger son heard the music, he started quoting Mrs. White.  “Flames, flames, on the side of my face.  Heaving breaths, heaving…flames…”  Yeah, a little bit creepy and a little bit kooky.  And that’s fine by me.

I’ve never enjoyed the pressure of conforming.  It is tiring to try to keep up with what other people think one should be like.  I don’t want to live my life trying to be someone I’m not.  I try not to judge and when others give the impression they are judging me, I just don’t have time for that either.  Hubby and I teach our sons to do what they want to do and be who they want to be (yes, lyrics from the theme song from The Addams Family movie).

Conforming is far too tiring.  Life needs to be enjoyed and you have to figure out your own standards, whether that be through religion or spirituality or common sense or whatever guiding force you follow.  Then enjoy life.

And one quote from Clue, because I love this movie and it’s just so quotable…

Mustard: Is this place for you?
Wadsworth: Indeed no, sir. I’m merely a humble butler.
Mustard: What exactly do you do?
Wadsworth: I butle, sir.
Mustard: Which means what?
Wadsworth: The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room. I keep everything tidy.

P.S.  The boys loved learning that Wadsworth, aka Tim Curry, also played Pennywise.

 

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This week…

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on October 1, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I am thankful for Hubby.

I am thankful for oldest son and youngest son.

I am thankful for my family.

I am thankful for my church.

I am thankful for friends.

I am thankful for our pets.

I am thankful for my job.

I am thankful for game night.

I am thankful for making even the smallest difference for someone.

I am thankful for exhaustion.

I am thankful for sleep.

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