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October 10, 2025

February 5, 2026 by pinkpigrulz

Somehow I didn’t notice. Earlier in the year Rex had some issues with walking and our new vet set him up on a pain management regimen. It really helped him. But he ended up having digestive problems because of the pain medicine. And I mean problems. Several times the kitchen looked like a crime scene. But Rex kept being a trooper.

Then I had to occasionally use a belly sling to help him in and out of the house. It seemed like it changed overnight. But it wasn’t. A year and a half earlier,  Rex stopped sleeping on my bed because he couldn’t get up in the bed anymore so I put a dog bed right next to mine. Then he started having trouble getting up the stairs so the boys would walk behind him to catch him if he stumbled or fell. Then Rex just slept downstairs. So there were changes that should have, could have, prepared me but I happily stayed in denial.

So the crime scenes in the kitchen concerned me a lot. And the belly sling became an every walk need. But Rex was still a happy puppers.

Until Thursday, October 9. Rex slept all day. He wouldn’t get up for any reason. I brought food and broth to him and he took that without standing or sitting up. Eventually we helped him up and took him for a walk. The boys had to help carry Rex back into the house.

I slept downstairs that night. Rex had an episode that scared both him and me. The look of fear and the shame he walked around with after the episode broke my heart. He had told me it was time.

He went peacefully. My heart broke. It’s still in pieces. The year had already brought enough struggles. This hit so hard. It still does. I still talk to him and he talks back in “his” voice. I still can’t believe he’s gone.  I still see him in the house. And I miss petting his velvety ears. I miss Rex so very much.

Me & Rex

Young Rex

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Come in! Come in and know me better man.

January 3, 2026 by pinkpigrulz

Starting in 2011, we would see “A Christmas Carol” performed by Gerald Charles Dickens, the great-great-grandson of Charles Dickens. I’ve written about it before as it is a family tradition. This year we got tickets to see it at Byers Choice, the company that makes hand made carolers and sponsored his tour each year.

The Byers Choice factory is so much more than a factory. There are giant dioramas to walk through created with the carolers, including the Twelve Days of Christmas and A Christmas Carol. The grounds are beautiful and include a small garden and wonderful sculptures.

We had purchased our tickets in August and didn’t know at the time that it was his farewell tour. Mr. Dickens had made the hard decision to stop touring in the USA and be home in England for a change in December. He had toured here for 25 years so it is understandable he was ready to perform only (mostly?) in England.

This was a family tradition that kicked off the Christmas season for us. We are going to miss this dreadfully. But we did buy the dvd and we preordered the caroler of Mr. Dickens that Byers Choice made to mark his farewell tour.

When we got there, I discovered that our performance had a Q & A, not photos. I was so sad we wouldn’t get our last annual photo with Mr. Dickens. As we walked into the building, we happened to bump into him. It was like seeing an old friend, and I was touched that he recognized us. I told him how sad I was that there wouldn’t be photos after and he said, “Don’t worry, you’ll get your photo.” His thoughtfulness has been constant and I was so grateful we’d get our last family photo with him.

The performance was outstanding as always. It is an intense performance…about an hour and a half, no intermission, and he portrays all of the characters. It’s so very powerful to watch. He adds little nuances each year, but some things are always the same and we looked forward to them each year. The response to Mrs. Cratchit’s pudding…”Ahhhhhh” followed by one side not doing it up to par and then trying it again only to be told it was too late now! And toward the end, as Scrooge waits for Bob Cratchit’s arrival the day after Christmas …”it was 9:05 but nooooooooooo Bob,” with the audience joining in as a chorus on each”nooooooooooo Bob!”

Mr. Gerald Charles Dickens became a part of our tradition. He let us come in and know him better man. Our sons were eight and six when we first saw the show. They’re now 22 and 20 and their girlfriends are now in two years of pictures. He was so kind when Bear died and said what a nice man he was and he had enjoyed their talks each year (because Bear always got there early and they would end up chit-chatting). He and the show are truly woven into our Christmas traditions. We will miss seeing him next year, but will watch the dvd to keep it going.

Thank you, Gerald Charles Dickens, for years of family time, Christmas spirit, and a reminder to come in, come in and know me better man.

2011
2012
2014
2014, the last “A Christmas Carol” photo with Bear
2025

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Empty Nest but they’re still here

September 8, 2025 by pinkpigrulz

My adult sons still live at home. They’re 22 and 20, so young adults. The older has graduated from college and is applying to PhD programs, the younger is still working towards his bachelor’s degree. They have no plans at the moment to move somewhere else permanently, but time will tell. I think they’ll stay here

Their lovely girlfriends live here too. Both are also in college. So we’re feeding six now. They’re still here and yet I’ve got an empty nest.

They maintain their own schedules. They work, go to classes, visit with friends, friends visit them here, and they spend time with us, but more as adults than our children. They’ll always be my babies, but now they’re babies with real world responsibilities.

They both will tell us when they’re going somewhere, the who, what, where, and when. We don’t have to ask. But they also don’t have to ask if they can go. They’re adults and we trust them to be responsible and make good choices.

So my husband and I have a lot more time on our hands these days. And the best of both worlds…strong, smart, independent, critical-thinking, young men who haven’t quite left the nest. And who still can be so goofy. Makes my heart smile.

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Somehow it’s been ten years

July 15, 2025 by pinkpigrulz

…a decade…an unbelievable amount of time during which boys became men, adults became middle aged, and the pain lessened a little bit at a time.

It was 2015, Thursday, July 16th. I was running VBS at church just as I am this week. The pastor’s daughter came over to the church from the parsonage to say that my husband was trying to find me and to call him. I did and he said there had been an accident.

We went to the trauma center. And it’s important to realize that that told us a lot. From where he had the accident you had to pass two or three hospitals before getting to the trauma center. So if they passed those it meant it was serious. It meant it was not good. Once we got there more signs told me that it was not good. They put us in a private family room off of the waiting room.

An hour or so later. Honestly I don’t remember how long we sat waiting. It felt like years. Someone came in to tell us that he had passed. They had tried to repair the internal damage but he had another heart attack on the table and that was the end.

Each time the double doors opened to the hall leading to the patient rooms, you could hear the staff chit-chatting and holding each other up considering the challenging job they work. Yet when those double doors swung open by the staff member leading me to the room so I could identify the body, everything was quiet. A respectful quiet. A somber quiet. They seemed to know that as hard as their job was I was about to do an even harder job.

Sadly I can close my eyes and still see his face perfectly. They did a beautiful job trying to clean him up. But he had just been in a fatal car accident. There was only so much they could do. I can never unsee that. However, it was my honor to walk into that room to confirm that it was him. I got to see him one more time. I got to tell him I loved him. I got to thank him for years of happiness and love and family. I had that privilege. I had that honor. So while the image is still startling in my mind’s eye, it was a gift to do that for him.

Ten years, a decade, without our Bearpaw. Sometimes it’s still hard to believe.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

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65 million years in the making…

April 9, 2025 by pinkpigrulz

…ok, not that long, but well over ten years ago the boys (who are young adults now, but still my boys) started setting aside t-shirts that were special to them. Even though they no longer fit, they were favorites or sentimental for a variety of reasons.

The plan was I would make a t-shirt quilt for each of them. It would be a high school graduation gift.

Yep…that didn’t happen. Something always got in the way. Mainly myself and poor time management. Or myself and not wanting them to grow up too quickly. But last year I promised to start finishing the many unfinished projects. Top of the list…their quilts. I could at least finish them before they graduated from college.

I learned a great trick from Escape to the Chateau. I put iron-on interfacing on the backs of the t-shirt to make it less stretchy. I cut each shirt, added the interfacing, and then started plotting the squares for older son’s blanket.

I had never made a quilt before. And I still haven’t. I will call this a blanket, but it is not a quilt. I had to rip out many seams along the way and start some parts over a couple of times. But I have learned a lot that will make younger son’s blanket easier to make. Older son’s blanket is like the first pancake…comes out a little hinky. But fold a seam here and there to make a cleaner line, add satin ribbon on the top and bottom so it is reminiscent of Elmo’s blanket (their favorite childhood blankies…which they still have), and sew it with a lot of love (and quite a few colorful curse words).

And that hinkyness didn’t matter one bit to older son. He absolutely loves it. And I finished a project! There’s no stopping me now.

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Destination Truth: Big Brook Preserve Part 2

March 1, 2025 by pinkpigrulz

July 22, 2012 was the first adventure to Big Brook Preserve. Hamilton has been there many times since. And today, although I had planned to be lazy for a while and then do my Saturday chores, I went with Hamilton to Big Brook Preserve again.

There are clear signs and places to park now! Paths that lead to various access points. The bridge has been replaced and is quite beautiful.  And the shark teeth fossils are still aplenty, at least for Hamilton. I didn’t find any, but I did find some other fossils.

It looked the same once we were in the brook. I wasn’t sure if my mind’s eye had changed it, but it hadn’t. It’s one of those beautiful places in Jersey that most don’t know about.

And that’s ok by me. Mock Jersey, say we’re just a turnpike with refineries, fine by me because we’re already a little crowded. We don’t need negative energy being added. So keep on driving to NC or FL.

The other thing that hasn’t changed is Hamilton’s pure joy while looking for fossils. Such excitement when he finds a good one, patience when telling me nope, it’s a plain old rock.

He’s a lot better at identifying them now which is good since he gets his BS in Geology with a concentration in Paleontology in a couple of months. 🙂

Last time my Destination Truth was not stressing and enjoying the hinky time finding the place in the rain. This time my truth was dirt and mess can sit for a day. Better to walk in the woods to the Big Brook and find fossils with your son.

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Bottom of the Bowl

September 12, 2024 by pinkpigrulz

It’s been a month since we lost Cujo. The other cats still don’t know how to tell me that their food bowls are empty. Cujo would summon me to fill those bowls when even the slightest bit of the bottom of the bowl was showing.

Tonight, they were quite antsy. I couldn’t tell why until I realized I hadn’t fed them. TJ, Loki, and Charlie are still adapting to not having sweet Cujo here in the house and so are we. He always made sure there was plenty of food, while keeping the water bowl at an acceptable level has always been TJ’s job.

Cujo was such a sweet cat. I keep thinking I see him in the house. And I know he’s not here but boy he was a good cat. And we miss him so much.

#thehardlifeofcujo
TJ, Charlie, Loki on the dog’s bed.

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The Hard Life of Cujo

August 12, 2024 by pinkpigrulz

Cujo was a teeny tiny two pounder when he and his brother, TJ, and sister, Loki, were rescued.

Cujo is in the middle by the green turtle.

I knew my husband and sons would come home with all three kittens. Hamilton and TJ (Tiger Jr.), the orange cat, connected immediately. Harrison and Cujo, the fluff ball, bonded instantly. Rex, our dog, quickly adopted Loki as his cat. And the three fur balls settled in nicely ten years ago.

Cujo has to be one of the most photogenic cats I’ve ever encountered. His eyes immediately capture your attention. He was a feline rug, loved belly rubs, and announced when all were hungry and needed food because a small part of the bottom of the bowl was showing.

We called them the Charmed ones, three little kittens rescued from a barn. And they certainly grew accustomed to their new home, and man, did Cujo grow!

Cujo crossed the Rainbow Bridge today. I can see him bowing in front of Shemp, who I am sure greeted him as he crossed.

Words fail to express the hole in our hearts. So photos of this sweet cat will speak about our love and sadness.

A boy and his cat…

A man and his cat…

Sweet Cujo, #thehardlifeofcujo, we will miss you and we love you. Your paw prints will forever be on our hearts.

Feline rug

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Mirror, mirror, who am I now?

January 10, 2024 by pinkpigrulz

A reflection in a mirror shows you how you look. Writing, and then reading it years later, offers a different type of reflection. Who you were, who are now, who you could be soon. When you look back and see how you have grown, then you can clarify where you hope to go next. I journaled all the time when I was younger, and then flaked a bit on it. I started blogging years ago, but sometimes forget to carve out the time to sit and write. Then someone reminds me that I like doing this. So I make some time to write.

At the moment, I have been feeling out of control. I don’t feel in control of anything. Certainly not in control at work. Things change there constantly and I have little to no control over anything. I like what I do, love it actually, when I get to do my actual work. But the feeling of no control exhausts me. So I try to create a feeling of control. I bought a new agenda, and it really helps to track my actual work. It gives a feeling of control when I check off what I accomplished, and in moving things forward if I can’t finish something in a day.

I bought an agenda for my personal life too. That helps feel a sense of control in the stuff that needs to be done in the house. There are always obstacles, delays, and lack of manpower, but I keep making little strides which is nice. The bigger issue with the work in the house is priority. I want to do the projects, it’s fun to me, but it’s a chore to the others. They sometimes help, but they aren’t “excited” so the help is quick and I feel like I have to nag just to get a little help. I know that annoys them and it takes away from the fun I have in working on the house.

So for my feeling of control…I pledged to myself that this year I will finish any project I have started and have not yet finished. I will not start any new projects because I need to finish about 100 projects. I know that I will feel better and in control if I actually finish stuff that I’ve started, some of these projects are years in the making. Some are simple crafts, others are bigger projects. I am tired of carrying the list of projects in my head. So this is the pledge to myself. And to write more often.

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Big bro still taking care of me

May 8, 2023 by pinkpigrulz

My older brother died in 2017. He was only 48 and I miss him dreadfully. But he reconnected me with my dad and that whole side of my family after 28 years. And he continues to help me connect with people who were such an important part of my life when I was young.

And these people are the ones I was constantly told were “bad” and I should be thankful she was protecting me from them.

She was not good in her heart. Meanwhile all these wonderful people are right here to help me in ways I could have never imagined.

Thank you, Shaun, for not giving up on me. I love you.

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