Posts Tagged ‘love’

We are in the 27-days when the boys are only one year (and 11 months) apart in age. So I have a 14- & a 13- year-old in the house. Yes, that much teenage boy in my house.

Messy bedrooms, weird hours, food bill through the roof. And I am the dumbest person on Earth-I know NOTHING according to my sweet boys.

It doesn’t help that they are both 5 or 6 inches taller than me.

And I confess-Hubby buys me secret food and I hide it in my bedroom to make sure I get to have it. Otherwise I won’t get any. To borrow from Ross, I grew up with Monica. If you didn’t eat fast, you didn’t eat.

I love my sons. They make me crazy, laugh, tired, and thankful.


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It plagued me in math, but more so in life. What I am already tired of is people telling me that we need to stop dividing the country but BOTH sides keep pointing out the differences. Please focus on our shared human experiences or I’ll start ignoring your asses.

If you don’t like something, fine. Share your opinion. But remember it is your opinion, and we all know the saying about opinions and assholes. Also remember that your opinion will be the opposite of someone else’s opinion and there is no need to be rude. If you’re rude, ignorant, and condescending, there will not be the possibility of a conversation to reach a balanced understanding, because I will ignore you.

I foresee a lot of time ignoring people in my future. I have begun avoiding Facebook and other social media as much as possible. With this free time, I will do my part to help people and society. I will listen and converse with those who want to actually hold a conversation, not simply tell me I’m wrong and tell me we’re divided. Because I promise you, we’re a lot more together than you realize.

To start with we’re all human. And I hope we all know kindness. Love. Love one another. No matter all those things pointed out to divide us, just start with love and kindness.

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I’ve been laughing a lot more lately. Friday night my two friends and I had our girls’ night and I laughed so hard I had four physical reactions. 1. Cried, tears streaming down my face. 2. My sides HURT. 3. I snorted like the little pink pig I am. And 4. Peed just a bit, but I’m so poised it was fine. I missed laughing. I like it.

Then of course there is the bitmoji laughter because I am just that mature. The fart one and be right back (closing the stall door) get me every freaking time. I clearly will never grow up.

And simply talking with my girlfriends, in person or via chat, just makes me giggle. Sometimes it is about more serious stuff, or talking about this more mature stage of our lives (physically, not mentally. Fart jokes still make us giggle). We can ask each other those questions that you wish you had an instruction manual for, but don’t and I can share how clueless I am. No shame, no judging.

We cheer each other on, we motivate each other. We give our shoulders when there are tears. I have leaned very heavily on them these past months and they have been amazing, strong women keeping me strong.

We have always shared a love for the movie Practical Magic. And they are my coven. Granted, we’ve never killed a guy and buried him in a yard, but we would if we had to. 😉


We stand up for each other when one of us can’t stand on our own. We’re quite different in many ways, but those differences make us stronger. And we focus on the many things we share. That’s our bond.  That’s how our craft works, and as Sally said, there’s no devil in the craft. It’s about love.


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Lessons Learned from Rex


Rex is quite smart. When he wants to go out, he brings you a shoe. If you don’t respond quickly enough for him, he brings you the match. Subtle, no? He brings you what you need to help he take care of his need.

He teaches me compassion everyday when I think how fortunate we are to be his family.

He teaches me to be playful when he brings me the knotted socks for a game of tug-of-war.

He reminds me that a treat isn’t a bad thing if you deserve it.

He reminds me that beauty comes from within even when there are imperfections on the outside. When I scratch his neck scar for him, he looks at you with an expression that seems to say thank you for understanding.

He reminds me to lean on others when there is something (just about anything) that scares him and he needs comfort.

He reminds me that having others depend on you gives you strength and purpose each day.

He shares unconditional love everyday and happily receives it in return.

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We don’t have a big house and that’s okay by me. As you may know if you’ve read any of the other posts, it’s challenging to keep the house clean at this size. But we’ve got some fun stuff. Pretty sure there is a ghost or two. Some great creaky floors. And now the bearded dragons night lights ooze eerie purple and red light out of the bottom of the boys’ doors. It makes for a wonderful atmosphere in the middle of the night.

Add to that the cricket that continues to hide from Gunter and you have a constant chirping sound coming from younger son’s room. It’s rather calming and helps one to fall asleep as long as you think about it as a sign of summer and not an annoying insect.

The boys love the light bulbs for night-time in the cages. Younger son loves the purple glow in his room. It works quite well with the sharks, squid, and jellyfish that are part of his ocean mural. The red lamp in older son’s room is obviously fitting for a room with dinosaur murals covering the walls.

Our house has many critters, massive clutter, and much love.

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Our dear, sweet, little Rex has settled in quite nicely.  Dare I say he is getting too comfortable?  He found the package of little rawhides on the counter and decided to help himself today.  Hubby thinks he found all of them.  He also has begun taking “lovees” from the boys’ rooms.  Rex has his own lovee-a little pig/frog toy.  Plus we bought him a toy chicken too.  But he loves to steal a lovee and run to the living room with it to see if anyone noticed.

Rex has also started snooping in corners, exploring all the nooks and crannies of his home.  He’s almost destroyed my beautiful comforter.  And he enjoys trying to chew on the decorative pillows that match the almost-destroyed comforter.  He doesn’t chew to tear, mind you, but as if it’s a chew toy.  I almost miss the scaredy dog that he was.  Not really, I am so happy he feels comfortable here.  He feels loved.

He makes the rounds if he hears people outside, day or night, and then barks if he feels there is a threat.  Scary bark, which I don’t mind.  Sounds way bigger than he is.  And when he is ready to go to sleep for the night, he jumps up on our bed and gets in his spot.  His spot is actually my spot.





When I go to bed I have to move him, which is easy enough.  I just slide him across the almost-destroyed comforter.  Once I’m in bed, he sneaks back over so he is right up against my legs.  Hubby says some nights he has to move Rex because he has slowly pushed me over to the edge of the bed.  Impressive considering I weigh quite a bit more than the 46 pounds Rex weighs.



Hubby says Rex pretty much sleeps all day.  Then when I get home…puppy olympics!  The boys and I take him outside and Rex runs in circles at dizzying speeds around me.  The boys keep him moving until finally Rex collapses on my feet, the sign that he is done and ready to go back to the couch.  This sign usually happens 8-10 minutes after we start.  He is quite the couch potato, except for those 8-10 minutes.

With his gigantic ears, Rex could have been named Gizmo, Gremlin, or Dobby, for a more current reference.  I should get Rex a Dobby lovee!


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Now when God sits down at His desk,

He’ll hear a little Squeak demanding attention.

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Each day offers moments that will become memories.  Some days are more loaded than others.  Today is one of those days.  Last night I raced from class to see the last half of older son’s last ball game of the regular season.  This morning I saw my dad at his induction into the Olde Guard at his alma mater (also my alma mater).  I’m off to “Spring into Poetry” for younger son.  Tonight hubby and I are going to a dinner dance for the theater company with which I played “Vera” in Mame.  But the neatest moment today is that ten years ago my hubby became my hubby.  Ten years filled with laughter, love, tears, loss, happiness, craziness, Addams Family-ness, and the two greatest sons any two parents could ever hope to have.  Happy anniversary to the world’s greatest hubby!

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When we last left off, Gentle Reader, you were left in suspense as to whether or not I would return to work.  Okay, not that much suspense, obviously I went back to work (I mean, seriously, walk away from a job in this economy?).  Work was pleasant and fun and amazingly busy.  That’s what happens when you take off four days with only three more weeks before finals.  So the day flew by and Thursday evening was filled with oldest son’s little league practice.  After we got home, I experienced the most awkward couple of hours with my sons.  We didn’t quite know how to be with each other.  I think they were wondering what I would do and I didn’t want to overdo it in an attempt to compensate for the previous evening.  It was over and done with and at least one of the three of us had apologized for her behavior.

On Friday afternoon, my hubby brought the boys to work and the boys got to participate in game night with the tutors.  Oldest son made a board game and some of the tutors played it with him.  Youngest son played Doodle Dice with me and one of the tutors (who jumped in when I had to get stuff).  Then oldest son joined in on a game of Scrabble while three other tutors finished a challenging game of Tribond Kids (yes, I brought the kids edition.  Go get the adult edition and you’ll see how hard it is).  I enjoyed watching my sons hang out with my “other” children.  The awkwardness was still there with my sons, very faint now but still lingering.  They were truly well behaved there and everyone in the office was so very sweet to them.

We rode home and I didn’t talk much.  Didn’t have much to say.  Oldest son was sweet and tried to make small talk.  Youngest son was the strong silent type and simply stared out the window.  When we got home, we unloaded the rocket-sled and once we were inside, my sons asked to play Scrabble.

Well, I love Scrabble.  This was great to have someone to play with and we set up the board.  I had realized at work that my deluxe edition rotating Scrabble board is older than the tutors and yet here I was playing a game with my sons.  They are pretty good at it and came up with some surprising words.  Youngest son successfully and independently played the “x” by way of the word “fox”.  Quite proud.  Oldest son successfully and independently played zoo when faced with the challenging “z” tile.  They asked why some of the tiles have little chew marks on them and, as I had to the tutors, I told them of how Anakin, one of our dearly departed felines, loved to chew wood.  Eventually the game ended, and after I had tucked them into bed I realized the awkwardness had ended too.

We played games throughout the weekend, pulled weeds in two of the gardens, and stayed up late Saturday night watching Indiana Jones movies.  Today we enjoyed church, attempted to swim in Pop-pop’s really cold pool, visited Pop-pop, and had dinner at Friendly’s.  Showers and teeth brushing were followed by another game of Scrabble before they crawled into bed.  As they climbed into bed they complimented each other on their good sportsmanship.  I think that was reverse psychology intended for me since I had gotten grumpy when one of them played a word using the “e” I needed for a double-word score play of “zebra”.  The game ended with the “z” still amongst my unplayed tiles.

So now that my “staycation” is officially over, my house is no cleaner (somehow it’s messier), my to-do list is no shorter (somehow it’s longer), but my sons have fallen in love with Scrabble and I have fallen in love with them all over again.

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Well, I feel better.  I don’t know about you, but last night’s post really offered me release.  I know people read it (thank you!) yet even if it had only gone into the great big void of the internet, it helped me.  I think that’s one of the things I enjoy about writing a post.  It can offer a cathartic release for the soul.  Not knowing exactly who will read each post, if in fact anyone does, blogging is a very selfish project.  At least the way I look at it.

Throughout the day, I felt stress leaving my body.  I reflected over the course of the day about the post and felt warmth filling my spirit which worked quite like a hot water bottle for the soul.  I missed Brigs just as much today as I did yesterday, but the emotional baggage I had attached to him is fading.  This is a good thing because then I can begin to enjoy the memories of him and the happiness he brought more purely, without the crap.

I have been asked by several people if we have gotten a new dog yet.  Nope.  I have looked at the listings at our local shelter.  Little yippee dogs-not for us-or pit bulls-also not for us.  You can list it as an American Staffordshire terrier but still a pit bull.  I know that the dog is usually a sweetie and only becomes mean through the treatment it receives from an owner, but you have to wonder why the dog is in the shelter.  I’ve also looked at other pet adoption websites and there are some sweet dogs listed on it, but crying while reading the websites tells me I am not ready.

But at least I am ready to begin letting go of the remnants of hard memories.  Letting go is a lifelong process in my book.  There are always events in a life that cause strife and then you have to deal with them.  Sometimes the way I deal with them is to bury them deep down so I don’t have to work through them right away.  Maybe I’m not ready to, maybe I’m being lazy, maybe I’m scared to process it all.  So every now and then I work through some big chunk of stuff in my memory.  It’s sort of like purging the crap out of my house.  Time often helps process the hard stuff just like it makes the stuff in my house magically become crap that I can get rid of without regret.

Simplicity in life can be hard to achieve within my society.  It can be done but it means going against the mainstream and ignoring mass media and aspects of the consumer-based society.  I fall into the trap of “needing” things that are truly wants.  Then there is either buyer’s remorse or the need to purge items from our home.  It’s challenging to teach this to my sons when I still am struggling with it myself.  Happily, they help me get better at it.  As I try to teach them about wants and needs, it reinforces it for myself.

And so Brigs keeps helping me, teaching me, loving me unconditionally.  Isn’t that the heart of what Uncle Stevie reminded me of a few weeks ago?

“May be she’ll learn something about what death really is, which is where the pain stops and the good memories begin. Not the end of life but the end of pain.”
― Stephen King, Pet Sematary

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