Posts Tagged ‘Wally’

I realized that you might be wondering about Wally. He’s still here. I am pleased to tell you though that we’ve been working out together. I would say five days a week, we’ve intentionally tried to get rid of him.

The weird thing is sixteen years ago, I weighed more than I do now. And had for a number of years. I can’t remember how managed doing things back then. I can’t stand how this impacts me now, cut I don’t remember it interfering like this back then.

The trouble right now is comfort food. And with the emotional tsunami, I am indulging. 

But Wally & I are walking each day and then doing strength building stuff a few times a week. And other than the comfort food indulgence in a moment of weakness, overall my diet is the best it has ever been.

The BBQ this weekend probably won’t help. 

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But I’ve never been to me. Okay, not exactly. This is a time of life full of transitions for me. Trying to get rid of Wally once and for all, new job, I get home earlier (well, not while I’m teaching but that only has a couple more weeks), and sons who are the most independent they’ve yet been. I have some time on my hands.

Normally this time of year I’d be prepping for a big event for one of the boards I’m on. But that event had changed, much to my sadness. So I thought about it a LOT. I’ve been a big part of this event for about a decade. I wasn’t sure what to do about my sadness.

I’m going to spend the time reinvesting in me. Do extra workouts to get rid of Wally even quicker. Continue my Quixotic quest for an uncluttered house. We’re hoping to start work on the bloody bathroom soon (I hope, I hope, I hope). I’m going to take Rex on long leisurely walks (he lasts about 15 minutes, maybe I can build him up to 20?). Go on the trails with my sons. Color! Read! Write! Sew! Learn to crochet!

And maybe, just maybe, Hubby and I can have a date night!

I have not let myself slow down for so long that I truly suck at it. Am I afraid of something? Do I think the world is going to stop? Do I have such delusions of grandeur? Really, who cares if I choose to spend some quality time binging on Netflix? Who cares if I make toys from all the freakin’ cat hair I sweep up all the time?

To quote Queen, this is your life. So what have I been waiting for?

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Truthfully, PB doesn’t like Wally.  PB is my Prolapsed Bladder. I’ve had PB even longer than I’ve had Wally. PB reared its ugly head after the birth of Younger Son.  See, I’m not very tall, but most of my height is in my legs. Very short torso. And my sons were on the bigger side. Each was two weeks early. Older son weighed 7 lb 15 oz and Younger Son weighed 8 lb 9 oz. They both dropped into position by the sixth or seventh month and then just rested their big ol’ heads on my bladder till the time came to push those same big ol’ heads out of my whowho. About a month after Younger Son was born, I went to my checkup and told the doctor it just felt weird down there, uncomfortable. She said those famous gyno words, “come closer to the edge and we’ll have a look”. She looked and said, “well, no wonder you’re uncomfortable, your bladder is hanging out of your vagina”. She put it back and things had been mostly manageable till Wally came along.

So PB can’t wait for Wally to leave. I’m still walking, still eating a better diet, and still attempting yoga. That hurts and I don’t like it. There is nothing restful or peaceful about it-yet. But I am sure as I continue to widdle Wally down to size, it will get better. When I walk I now do a little torso twist to make Wally a bigger part of the experience. I probably look like an asshole, but I don’t care.


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A friend commented that one day we could ask, “Where’s Wally?” I realized we could make a series of books. Everyone loves a hidden picture book. We could hide wiggly, jiggly Wally (yes, a cartoon version of my big ol’ belly) in various settings that one could typically find a belly like him in.

The first book would be Where’s Wally?: Perimenopause Edition. There could be a picture of women with thinning hair, strands floating in the air, piles of hair on the floor. And hidden somewhere in the room is Wally. Next page has women having hot flashes. Women fanning themselves, sweat dripping from their brows, Wally hidden among the puddles of sweat on the floor. Next picture is a room with women walking around trying to remember why they entered the room, Wally hidden under a sculpture or a macrame scarf, an item no one came in looking for. Then fatigue room, women dozing at their desks, Wally hidden on a desk lamp or behind a framed picture of some woman’s children.

The hardest picture, at the end of the book, right after the mood swing page, would be the “weight gain in the torso” area page. Now this would be tricky, a lot of decoy Wallys in the room.

I could sell the book to cardiologists, gynecologists specializing in a peri & post menopausal practice, day spas, anywhere the target audience goes with a waiting room.

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So after Bear died I ate a lot of grief. Put on 25 pounds in about a month. Then I kept eating and the holidays came and I put on about 15 more pounds. I grew quite a belly. Today I named it Wally.

Now I know what they say, once you name it, it’s harder to get rid of it. But Wally really makes his presence known throughout the day so I felt he deserved a name instead of just the litany of curse words I’ve been calling it.

I have no plans of keeping him. He gets on my nerves constantly. He is very intrusive, has cut my wardrobe options in half, and is way too jiggly for my liking.

Now I know I’ll never be buff, wear a bikini, or exist again below 150 pounds, but I can evict Wally. I’ve been making strides. I have a great support team, Hubby, my sons & my two BFFs. They all help. Hubby buys my new foods-it’s a change of life diet, not dieting. My sons make me laugh, working out Wally’s former muscles. My BFFs motivate me, and also make me laugh. Okay, they all make me laugh.

I will laugh Wally away.

So far I’ve lost 7 pounds.

I am actually exercising regularly, not just the bullshit exercise I usually claim to do when my doctor asks if I’m exercising.

So I am taking baby steps to change my lifestyle to get rid of Wally. I felt I should introduce him before he leaves.

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