Posts Tagged ‘pain’

Well, well, well, gentle readers.  I had a wonderful weekend.  We did so many things together yet nothing with a stringent schedule.  We just were together and doing things that made us happy.  Friday night Hubby and I went to a wedding and had good times, good times with family and friends.  The boys had their yard sale on Saturday morning.  Most of the money they made was because people thought it was sweet that young boys were having their own yard sale.  We put up the screen-gazebo and bought some new chairs for enjoying the outside with-happily they were even made in America.

We played air hockey, we went to church, we went to the baseball picnic.  We cuddled, we talked, we shared dreams.  The peace of the weekend was lovely.

Topic of the sermon on Sunday was about the idea of peace and being still.  As I wrote a few posts ago, peace comes in chaos.  Focus has been given to finding those moments of peace and it makes each day happier.  Humor also helps each day and this evening we were having fun with grammar.  My kind of fun!

I did throw my back out.  In my 41 and a half years I have never thrown my back out.  I attribute that to going to the chiropractor since I was 12.  Irony is oozing over this situation for me since I just celebrated ten years of marriage to my chiropractor.  Hubby was rubbing my feet last night and I fell asleep on the couch.  When I woke up at 5am to the joyful strains of the Brady Bunch, I got up to go to bed.  I grabbed the hand towels, the last bit of laundry in one of the baskets, and headed toward the bathroom.  I opened the door to the linen closet and bent slightly to place the towels on the shelf and out went my back.  The towels were the straw that threw out the camel’s back.

We had put up the gazebo, rearranged the family room, did multiple loads of laundry, and made several trips up and down the attic stairs.  My back said enough.  It hurt on the way to work, all day at work, and then on the ride home from work too.  Hubby worked on it and I’ll be taking some Advil PM.  I’ll stick some ice packs on it as I drift away to slumber land.

The moment of peace in this?  My sons making a date with me for tomorrow night to watch the newest Adventure Time on demand.  Youngest son asked me for the date and he acquiesced to letting oldest son join us.  Slumber land will be filled with sweet dreams of peaceful summer evenings.


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Do I dare think the light at the end of the tunnel is getting a wee bit brighter?  I really don’t for fear of jinxing myself.  I took the second small green capsule yesterday.  Still over the past three days I have found that my energy level has been more even and lasted longer over the course of a day.  Not anywhere near where it once was but still better than it has been the past six months or so.  Today and tonight in particular has been pleasant.  I actually had energy after work.  Granted, I went to work late because I visited the boys at school today (parent visitation day…makes it sound like prison).  But last fall when I went for the visit and then went to work late I was still exhausted by the time I got home.  Today I had energy and didn’t hurt.

I made dinner, cleaned up a bit in the laundry room (which I avoid still because I miss Brigs-he spent much of his time in that room),  and switched the fall/winter clothes with the spring/summer clothes in the attic.  I don’t do each season separately…don’t have the patience for that.  I did not change the light bulb in the bathroom because I didn’t feel like doing the balancing act in the dark.  I just kept the door open while I took my shower.  And now I sit, not crying in pain, but only feeling a dull roar in the standard spots (neck, shoulders, ribs,  hips, right knee, left ankle, both feet, and a little bit in the hands).

This is a good thing.  But still I won’t get my hopes up too much.  Could just be the lovely spring weather.

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For the past five or six years I have had rather intense physical pain on a daily basis.  (See the earlier posts when I’ve been exceptionally whiny.)  I went to several doctors and they ran the auto-immune tests (all negative, remember, it’s never lupus).  They did discover a tumor in one ovary and a wonderfully routine surgery later, I had one less ovary and fallopian tube.  Didn’t make me feel any better and blessedly it was a benign tumor.  Finally the rheumatologist gave me the diagnosis of fibromyalgia.  Basically it fit, but it is a diagnosis by omission.  Rule out everything else and that’s what you’re left with for the reason behind the pain.  The neurologist said the neuropathy in the hands, wrists, feet, and ankles wasn’t related and couldn’t figure out why it happened but that we would monitor it.

Recently I remembered (after being reminded by the same friend who initially told me) about possible thyroid issues that could cause the problems I’ve been having.  Back to the doctors again.  I asked the nurse practitioner to check the thyroid and during the exam, I answered a lot of questions.  The nurse practitioner decided to check some other stuff too, including my vitamin D levels.

If only the vitamin D levels had been checked years ago.

Explains just about everything.

I don’t know how long it will take the little green capsule to work, but to even think that I might not be in pain by the end of the year is amazing.  I’m guessing it will take a while to get the levels back to normal.  The levels are rather low.  The first little green capsule didn’t do anything yet.  From what I’ve read (not much, just found out today) it will take time to undo the damage caused by the low levels.  Years worth of low levels.  My hubby of course wants to know what caused the deficiency.  At the moment, I don’t care.  If a small green capsule will fix the deficiency and get rid of the pain, I want to focus on that for the time being.

I am daring to let myself think that one morning, I don’t know when, but sooner than I ever thought, I will put my feet on the floor and it won’t hurt.  I won’t need to take 1,000mgs of ibuprofen to start the day, repeating this again later in the day.  There will be a day when it doesn’t hurt to type,  Yes, typing hurts my fingers.  My hip bones won’t scream at me in the middle of the day.  My joints might actually be useful again as the pain begins to fade.  I am daring to think that I will have enough energy without pain to spend time with my sons in the evening doing more than just sitting in a chair and having them bring stuff to me.  Those nights I do stifle the pain and take care of family business, I pay for it over the next few days.  But soon my bones may actually not hurt anymore.

Do I dare dream?  Yep.  This is the first sliver of hope in years.  Held inside a small green capsule.

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A few years ago I was feeling tired and sore all the time.  Went to lots of appointments, found an unrelated growth in the left ovary (bye, bye left ovary) and was finally told I have fibromyalgia and may have had it for years.  I used to take one of the meds that can be used to treat it for another issue but went off that med as we were trying to get pregnant.  Then I was pregnant, nursing, pregnant, nursing and so attributed the physical pain to that.  Yet after finishing nursing with my youngest, I still felt pain all the time and really tired and all the other lovely symptoms that go with fibromyalgia.

I choose not to use the medicines because of the dreadful side effects.  With that choice, there is a lot of pain.  Usually it is tolerable.  Lately though it has been taking a lot of effort to get through the work day.  By the time I get home, I am completely wiped.  I make sure to use whatever energy I can summon up to have time with my sons and then I collapse.

My hands hurt.  My wrists, ankles, knees, hips, shoulders.  My appetite is inconsistent.  There are other issues but no one really wants to read about those particularly if you just ate, are about to eat, or ever want to enjoy eating again.

Please know that while this really does sound like a whiny series of complaints, it is not meant to be.  I am simply stating my daily existence.  It’s a blessed existence and I can handle it, but I’m behind right now in prepping for the holidays.  I am mostly writing about this to reaffirm for myself that it does not have to be perfect, family knows what one’s house truly looks like, and the boys will have an awesome Christmas making lovely new memories to cherish forever.

And I will have over a week to not have to go to work.  I love my job.  I’ve had a particularly lovely semester.  I just cannot believe how tired I am.  Remember, I’m not old, I’m cultured.  Yet I feel ancient.  The pain in my fingers when I type is almost unbearable.  Yes, I appreciate the irony that I’m typing right now.  My ability to write with a pen or pencil is failing miserably.  My signature is unrecognizable to me at this point.

But over a week without having to go through the almost 30 mile commute and all the miserable people who drive without regard for the other cars on the highway.  Over a week to be with my sons and husband.  Over a week to work on our home during the few hours each day when the pain is not as bad.  I can get adjustments from my hubby and maybe my right arm will stop being numb.

Okay, this is a whiny series of complaints.  Pity party is over.  I would love to write that I feel empowered and rejuvenated from getting this off my chest.  But I am still simply going to go to bed.  Good night.


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