Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged children, darkness, Faith, family, light, sons on December 16, 2012| Leave a Comment »
I hugged my sons a lot this weekend. More than usual.
I told my sons I loved them a lot this weekend. More than usual.
My sons are sleeping soundly in their beds and my heart aches for the families that are grieving for the children not sleeping soundly in their beds tonight.
Let there be a light for the families to guide them through the darkness.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged Dead Again, dinosaurs, Kenneth Branagh, Love's Labour's Lost, sons on December 9, 2012| Leave a Comment »
As tomorrow is Sir Kenneth Branagh’s birthday, well, today if we’re going by his time, I share a joke that younger son made up on Friday morning. Dead Again was on the telly while we were getting ready for school. Younger son came up to me and asked “What’s a character in an ocean movie?” I knew to ask “who” since both sons are on a making-up-jokes-kick right now. The answer: Kenneth Piranha. I think that was quite a good joke for a seven year old. It was particularly good for a boy who still attends speech to learn to pronounce the letter r (like his mother did when she was a wee one).
Nevertheless, older son shot back with the following. “No, it would be ‘What’s a character in a fresh water movie?’ because piranhas don’t live in salt water. They live in fresh water.” I tried to tell him that it is uncouth to correct a joke for scientific inaccuracies and that he can just let it ride. He explained that wasn’t in his nature. I do love the clarity each son possesses about their personalities.
Younger son is truly blossoming and forging his own path, distinct from his brother’s path. It takes time for a younger one to realize he does not have to always do what the older sibling does. We try to support the different areas that younger son has shown an interest in over the years. He too likes dinosaurs, but kept away from them for a bit. He finally asked if he was allowed to like and study dinosaurs too. In hindsight, older son probably told younger son he couldn’t like dinosaurs because he had already claimed them. They claim toys, why wouldn’t they claim areas of study?
I am very proud of my sons for all they do, but this weekend they also demonstrated keen abilities with Kenneth Branagh movies as well. These films just happened to be on cable, I swear. Younger son knew it was Love’s Labour’s Lost. Older son realized that Nathan Lane (one of the actors in LLL) was the voice of Timon in The Lion King. Older son recognized Matthew Lillard as Shaggy. Then as I watched Music & Lyrics (love that movie), they recognized Campbell Scott as “Doug” from Dead Again.
Yup…we’re making sure they have plenty of useless film and movie knowledge just like their parents.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged Conditions and Diseases, Neurological Disorders, Tic, Tourette, Tourette Syndrome on December 3, 2012| Leave a Comment »
In one of the many classrooms that I’ve taught in over the past 20 years, I had an amazing student in my class. He was confident, self-assured, and friendly. All of the other students liked him. He was very smart, had a great sense of humor, and made others feel at ease. On the first day of school, he asked if he could have a few moments to speak with the other students. Those moments made all the difference in the world for my class.
He introduced himself and then told them that he had a condition called Tourette’s Syndrome. He said that it caused different uncontrollable movements in his body and uncontrollable small noises. As he was speaking, the students could see what he was referring to and even hear an occasional noise interjected in the words. He then asked if anyone had any questions. There were a few moments of awkward silence. Mostly, I think, because the students weren’t expecting such a frank and honest discussion. Then a student asked a question. He answered. Then another question and another answer. Soon the students were satisfied and we began the lesson. It was never an issue in the class.
At times, he had to practically sit on his arm in order to write. The students asked about that the first time they saw it happen. He explained that it had taken some time, but he had finally discovered that this made it easier to write when the movements were particularly strong. He assured them that it didn’t hurt and that brought them comfort.
He was so amazing at making others comfortable with Tourette’s. The comfort came from his efficient way of educating people. He wasn’t overly dramatic. Nor was it peppered with pity. He didn’t see it as a problem. I was in awe of his confidence. I was in awe of his parents for raising and nurturing such a wonderful young man. They had helped him develop such a wonderful sense of self and an amazing passion for life. They didn’t focus on a “disability” –they focused on their son.
I was in awe of him 15 years ago when he was my student. Then it was because I impressed with his confidence, intelligence, and ability to accept and move on from the Tourette’s. He didn’t let it become his life, it was simply a part of him. While this is the same approach I took for myself with the schizophrenia, he was my model for how to handle a situation when it is happening to your own child. It’s one thing to choose to handle something for yourself in a certain way, but it’s totally different to help your young child choose the path. Those moments he took on the first day of school were part of that approach to life.
15 years later those moments from the beginning of class on the first day of school are again making all the difference. As I watch younger son’s shoulders, arms, chest, and head move uncontrollably, I do have some tears streaking down my face because I know it will be a more challenging road for him, but I also know that he will be all the stronger for it. He will continue to be the smart, confident, funny, inquisitive, mischievous, adorable young man he already is. His classmates will get used to it and eventually not even hear his little noises or notice his movements. They’ll only know the amazing young man I know.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged Charlie Brown, fudge, Liam Neeson, Matt Scudder, Powerball on November 28, 2012| Leave a Comment »
As I sit watching Charlie Brown with my sons, I also am waiting for the Powerball drawing. Yes, I went in with a small bunch of people at work. We’re hoping since one of them never played the lottery before we’ll have some beginner’s luck. Plus younger son’s teacher said he was very lucky today and suggested he play the lottery. Welp, got that covered…just waiting for the numbers.
Charlie Brown is being the Charlie Browniest and the fudge I made is cooling. It’s a relaxing evening. I like those types of evenings. I am very settled into holiday mode. Accomplishments so far include gaining those initial five or six pounds, you know the ones that will never go away. I’ve baked a few batches of cookies, made the first batch of fudge tonight, and already found a few presents for the boys. House is mostly decorated. Advent skit for church is written and the children have had two practices already.
I also discovered that Liam Neeson wants to be my nephew which means I now get to be Liam Neeson’s aunt. I keep meaning to read the books, but never seem to get to them. Perhaps there’s a gift idea in that! Hubby could get me A Walk Among the Tombstones to start. I never saw 8 Million Ways to Die but I do enjoy Jeff Bridges so I’ll have to give it a watch.
It’s been a busy week at home but it’s quieting down a bit at work so there’s a nice change of pace. I’m really tired though and keep falling asleep before I finish stuff at night. I suppose I should simply listen to my body and go to sleep earlier. There’s always tomorrow. (I hope I didn’t miss Rudolph!)
The time passes too quickly. I’m going to embrace the moments of Charlie Brown, Powerball drawings, and fudge. I’ll remember the little things matter more and cherish the little moments and the big dreams. And now, back to cuddling with my sons.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged butterfly, children, garden, nature, simplicity, sons on November 2, 2012| Leave a Comment »
Younger son and I went for a lovely walk in the park in a few weeks ago. We had a wonderful time exploring the butterfly garden and the park. And the old cliche is true, a picture, or in this case a slideshow, is worth a thousand words.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged Devil, God, Neurological Disorders, schizophrenia, sons, Tourette Syndrome on October 21, 2012| Leave a Comment »
Having lived with schizophrenia for this long, one gets used to a heightened level of paranoia as a norm. I am still haunted by the one psychiatrist who said I shouldn’t have children. But I do have two wonderful sons and I try to be the best mother I can be. Still, I watch my sons closely for any early warning signs, reminding myself they are still not of the traditional age of onset. Younger son, as I have written, will be evaluated for Tourette’s syndrome and I wouldn’t be surprised if it comes back as a “yes” as both involve misfirings of neurochemicals in similar areas of the brain.
But last night older son was talking under his breath. When I asked him if he was talking to himself he said he was talking to the angel and the devil that sit on his shoulders. My heart skipped a beat. Then I asked if he was making them talk or if they talked on their own. He assured me that he makes them talk. I asked how many there were. He answered eight. The second time my heart skipped a beat. He then explained a very detailed hierarchy about these self-consciences. The angel has a set, the devil has a set, and so on. I felt fine by the end of our conversation and the paranoia relaxed back to the regular level.
We have not yet told them about what Mommy has because they are young and do not need to know yet. We’ll tell them when the time comes because I do not want to perpetuate the practice of not talking about important things that exists in the families. That creates more messes than it’s worth. They will know what is in their pasts and what to be aware of for their well-beings over their lifetimes.
Eight voices. I had eight voices. The first two were God and the devil. At first they were comforting. But as the six others joined them over the years, and as what they were saying became more violent, they were less and less comforting. I do not miss them, most of the time. Sometimes though, when the decision is really difficult, I wonder how it would be if they were here making the decision for me. It would take the burden off my shoulders. But accountability is a part of life. Making good choices. Even without a little angel and devil on your shoulders.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged children, Halloween, sons on October 18, 2012| Leave a Comment »
Oldest son does not want to touch the crickets when feeding his lizard. Only told me this after we bought the lizard and the crickets. Tyrann, the lizard, did enjoy some mealworms this evening. Younger son lost a darkling beetle while spending time with them. Only told me about that as he was being tucked into bed. I hope the little guy enjoys his adventure in the room tonight. Youngest son was so worried about telling me. I reminded him about the time older son let all of the beetles out in his room. We found them, we’ll find this guy.
Tomorrow night we have the school dance party. Oldest son is going to ask a girl to go with him. It’s a big step and face it, if she’s already planning to go, she may say she’ll meet him there. The boys have several people who have RSVP’d for their Halloween party so they are VERY excited.
All I have to do now is finish younger son’s costume. I just can’t seem to find the extra orange broadcloth. I’m sure it’s somewhere in this house. For now, I’ll attach the slinkies and he can try it without the fabric covering. He looks good in the Jack o’ lantern costume. I still am not sure what I’m going to be for Halloween. I can always be a pirate…but I’d like to be scary this year. Hmmmm…what should I be?
I love Halloween. It’s such a fun time of year.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged children, Halloween, jack o' lantern, pumpkins, skulls on October 13, 2012| Leave a Comment »
From the moment I woke up, about every 10 minutes, younger son asked me if I wanted to put up Halloween decorations. This boy loves Halloween. The house is now decorated. Witches, Jack o’ lanterns, skeletons, and skulls are lovingly placed on every available space in the house. The boys decorated the yard the other day. Older son really likes Halloween, but younger son has a strong passion about it.
There was a time when he was about three that younger son wore a pumpkin shirt every day. He had about five of them and we just had to keep them in a solid rotation schedule with the laundry. He still has a deep affinity for pumpkins. All things Halloween, really. In an acrostic poem at school, for the letter “N” he wrote “Never brings skeletons back from the dead.” He really does have an Addams Family vibe about him.
Today the boys decided they want to have a Halloween party. Sure, it’s two weeks away. We can plan that! Actually, the house is already decorated and I have plenty of Halloween games at my disposal. We’ll sending the invites out at school on Monday. I’ll use beloved facebook to invite some other friends (yes, KH, faithful reader, check your facebook soon!)
I’m almost done making the boys’ costumes. Older son’s costume doesn’t require much sewing-it’s more of assembling the materials for his original design. Younger son is being a jack o’ lantern (again) and I now have the orange slinkies to make arms and legs that “pop out and scare people”. I just have to make the fabric coverings for them.
Ah, Halloween. This year I’m thinking of being a pirate instead of a witch. We’ll see.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged autumn, children, dog, ghosts, Halloween, leaves, mums, pumpkins, Uncle Stevie, wind on October 10, 2012| Leave a Comment »
The winds picked up this evening. The nor’easter winds with their eerie, haunting howls. The shrieks have been wrapping around the house all night. The tempests have brought the ghosts in with them. I’ve heard Mom’s door opening and closing. Brigs snored at the bottom of the stairs. A big one that even rattled his collar. Creepiness is filling my home and I love every minute of it.
October is a magical month. The leaves die and float to the ground revealing the skeletal arms of the trees. Soon a walk around the block will echo with the crunch and crackle of the leaves under foot. The night creeps in earlier and the moon always seems brighter. Scarecrows adorn the lawns and the straw arms billow from the gales, stretching out to catch a person as he walks by their perch.
Colorful mums sprout from the ground and grow fuller each day. The color of the leaves on the grass blend with the mums. Pumpkins and Jack ‘o lanterns burst with color in a graying world. Ghosts stories float to children’s ears, scaring them a little bit more until they cry out for the storyteller to stop.
In a few weeks. children dressed as cowboys, princesses, and monsters get to willingly approach strangers and ask them for candy. Witches will cackle flying on their brooms overhead. Scary moans and laughter, rattling chains, and haunting music will swirl around and fill the night with spooky noises.
I can remember walking Brigs during October and always being thankful that he was a large dog. Even though I knew I was perfectly safe, the hairs would stand up on the back of my neck. Sounds would echo down the street and seem to be surrounding us at the same time. I could feel eyes watching us. I was sure of it and so I stuck close to Brigs. I knew he would protect me. This is the first autumn without him here to bring me comfort as the nor’easter ghosts settle in for the winter again.
Oh, I love the autumn. I love ghost stories. I love the look of the fog and the sounds of the wind and the leaves. I love the smell of the wood burning in fireplaces to warm the homes with glowing windows as we all settle in for the cold. A lot of Uncle Stevie to read in the coming months. Old tales that are good friends that help to keep one warm during the winter months. And to help keep the ghosts at bay. Even as the gales blow around the house.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged Clue, hubby, It, Pokemon, sons, Stephen King on October 4, 2012| 4 Comments »
Last night younger son and I were working on the K’Nex. We’re on step 79 of 182. It’s a great way of teaching patience. As we’re putting the little rods into the connectors, he was quoting :Georgie” from the movie of Stephen King’s It. “It’s all your fault Bill. You let It get me, Bill. It’s all your fault.” He does this perfectly. He even looks like the actor who played Georgie. We’ve got to put him in a little yellow slicker and rain hat one day. As he keeps doing this, I’m giggling and telling him he’s a wee bit creepy. I wanted to make sure younger son knew where this was coming from so I asked him if he knew I meant “creepy” in a good way, that he was being funny. He said, “Yeah, Mom, I know.” Then I asked if it bothered him that some people look at us like we’re a little bit odd. His response? “No, it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m a little macabre.”
Older son comes into the dining room (because everyone keeps their four foot K’Nex set-up on the dining room table). He had been working on his comic strips. I asked him if the “odd” moniker bothered him. He said no and then, in the style of the Addams Family, crossed his arms and snapped twice. I love my sons.
Tonight I decided to watch Clue. As younger son heard the music, he started quoting Mrs. White. “Flames, flames, on the side of my face. Heaving breaths, heaving…flames…” Yeah, a little bit creepy and a little bit kooky. And that’s fine by me.
I’ve never enjoyed the pressure of conforming. It is tiring to try to keep up with what other people think one should be like. I don’t want to live my life trying to be someone I’m not. I try not to judge and when others give the impression they are judging me, I just don’t have time for that either. Hubby and I teach our sons to do what they want to do and be who they want to be (yes, lyrics from the theme song from The Addams Family movie).
Conforming is far too tiring. Life needs to be enjoyed and you have to figure out your own standards, whether that be through religion or spirituality or common sense or whatever guiding force you follow. Then enjoy life.
And one quote from Clue, because I love this movie and it’s just so quotable…
Mustard: Is this place for you?
Wadsworth: Indeed no, sir. I’m merely a humble butler.
Mustard: What exactly do you do?
Wadsworth: I butle, sir.
Mustard: Which means what?
Wadsworth: The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room. I keep everything tidy.
P.S. The boys loved learning that Wadsworth, aka Tim Curry, also played Pennywise.
ohbloodyhell8 