Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged plateau, simplicity on February 13, 2012| Leave a Comment »
An update…first, I’m totally going to try the spoon/bean game. I love games.
Plus, proud to say I shut my office door today and did my stretches in the middle of the day. I worked to keep my focus and kept myself centered on simplicity. I summoned grace as needed. I also ate dinner there, late in the afternoon, so I had more energy to get home. I haven’t even snacked tonight which is good. I feel naturally tired and will be going to bed after I finish typing this…goodnight!
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged brains, children, The Usual Suspects, Uncle Stevie, Verbal Kint, writing, zombies on February 13, 2012| Leave a Comment »
Our youngest son loves zombies and mummies and creatures of all sorts. I’m not sure why he developed an interest in creatures. I do enjoy the monsters from literature and simply Halloween and ghoulies in general so perhaps he got it from me. I think I know when his love of the macabre began-the year he would only wear a jack o’ lantern shirt. Trust me, I look forward to the years of deep discussion and dissection of Uncle Stevie’s books with my youngest son.
Tonight we reviewed the report card. He did very well. The one area that needs some effort is writing. But wait…I manage a writing lab, how could this be? He is my second child and communication has always been more physical for him since his brother is “Verbal” Kint. Our youngest usually managed to get a word in edgewise by whaling his brother at the opportune moment. We’ve broken both of their habits. The oldest has come to realize that his baby brother can, in fact, speak and express his desires, needs, and thoughts. Our youngest now knows to say excuse me, although more often than not, he simply screams his bother’s, oops, I mean, brother’s name to get his attention. Baby steps, remember.
So how do I inspire my physical, kinesthetic child to write? I started by asking him how he feels about writing. Doesn’t like it. Why not? I don’t get enough time. What do you do with the time you have? I have to think about what to write and by the time I think of something, time’s up.
We’re creating a “writing ideas” folder for him to bring to school. Pictures of stuff he likes, places he thinks are interesting, and a list of things to write about to help him come up with ideas. We talked about how he can write his list of ideas any way he wants to because he can always rearrange the ideas later. I also told him I know he does his best and that’s what he needs to do.
Then I asked him if he knows how smart he is. His brother is smart. There’s no other way to say it, the kid is bright. I took out some library books today to learn about evolutionary theology to help him as he moves toward accepting Jesus as his savior and getting baptized. He needs to reconcile the fact that, and I quote, “When Adam would have been made doesn’t line up chronologically with the arrival of the first Homo sapiens.” That is a big shadow to stand in every day of your life. So I asked our youngest how smart he is. He wasn’t sure.
I’ll tell you, this kid is smart too. He is so mechanically inclined it blows my mind away. He can design things in his mind and execute them exactly the same way. He doesn’t need to sketch it out-it’s simply there. He ponders and comes out with declarations that you don’t expect from a six-year-old and his street smarts are equal to his book smarts. He watches and observes his older brother and learns from him. He needs to see this about himself.
I decided to connect this conversation about his “smarts” to his love of zombies. My hubby likes to chase after them for their “BRAINS”. I told our youngest he has brains he hasn’t even used yet. I told him zombies would love his brains. He smiled from one ear to the other. Tonight, he spent 30 minutes reading before bed. He seems very excited about the writing ideas folder. Ah, zombies inspiring great writing.
What brains do you have that you haven’t used yet?
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged children, dog, Faith, family, goals on February 12, 2012| 2 Comments »
The day was full of possibilities. The morning started rather well, with some cuddling of the six year old as he cried a wee bit about Brigadoon. The tears soon turned to laughs as we talked about some Brigs’ goofier moments. Everyone was fed, dressed, and ready to go to church. Even managed to scrape off the minivan. Goals were set for the day on the way to church and the sun began to peek through the clouds.
Before Sunday School, my oldest son asked me to go see the puppies his teacher had brought to class. I went in happily, the circle of life and all, and I doubted they would be lab puppies.
Yep, a chocolate, a black, and a yellow in all their furry cuddly glory. Tears sprung to my eyes. I quickly left the room and went to teach my class.
After class, my sons and I went into the classroom and held those cute puppies. My boys were quick to ask for the yellow one (no), then the other two (no and no). Their requests helped me to not cry. We went into church and I felt refreshed. On the way home we stopped by the firehouse to sign up for little league and then splurged on some Dunkin Donuts.
The goals I had set for myself on the way to church were still in my working memory. I planned on a very productive day. We pulled into the driveway and I saw the gutter hanging off of the house. Called my brother-in-law but he was up north shopping. I simply hoped it wouldn’t rip all the way off, exposing the wood.
I hit the plateau.
Everything began to hurt. Motivation flew out the window. While I did accomplish some tasks, the energy was gone. How can that little of a day suck so much energy out of me?
Yes, my sons had a fun day. They used their sleds a few times down the little hill. They played outside until they were freezing. They played Air Hogs inside, had fun meals, and were wonderfully behaved all day. As I type, they are playing in the bathroom sink. Water continues to fascinate them. They’ve followed directions, been gracious, and had a pleasant day. I love my time with them, you know, time not interrupted by other things.
My question, more to myself but if anyone has theories, feel free to share them, is how do I summon up so much energy at work five days a week and cannot make it past 3:00 on a weekend day? What changes? Is it because I sit behind a desk like a bump on a log at work? Is it because I put more heart and soul into the weekend days because family trumps work and I wear myself out more quickly? Obviously, like many folks, I wish I could work two days a week and have five days off with my family. Since that’s not the schedule at work, and I’m not independently wealthy, I work five days a week and get two days with my family. Why can I not manage my energy better on Saturday and Sunday?
So here I sit at 7:30, an obscenely early hour in my world, hoping my sons go to bed and fall asleep really quickly so I can go to bed with ice packs on various bones. My bro-in-law was wonderful and stopped by with his wonderful wife and in the freezing cold, he nailed the gutter back up onto the house. I got the ladders and hammer ready right after they called because we were losing daylight fast. Now the gutter will at least hold till it can be properly replaced.
The many goals that were set? I hung up two towel hooks and set up a litter box with an easier entry for the very senior cat. The many others? Still sitting in my working memory, wondering when they too will be accomplished.
Not tonight my good goals. Not tonight. I’ll be lucky to make it to the bed.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged chaos, dog, House, Madness, Our House on February 11, 2012| Leave a Comment »
Today I enjoyed a House marathon both on television and in my house. Today was the first day in about five weeks that I haven’t had to go anywhere. It has been lovely. I baked chicken using a little Bisquick recipe and it was yummy. I did not strain to do anything. Granted, I didn’t accomplish an amazing amount of productive stuff, but the relaxation was the productive stuff today.
I made Scotty do laundry yesterday because I had been avoiding it. Today I did a load. There was no dog barking at the washer machine.
I cleaned. I watched House. I spent time with my sons when they wanted to be with me. We cuddled a wee bit this morning which was sweet.
Relief came in the form of not thinking a lot today. My muscles are beginning to loosen, but that in itself brings new forms of aches. Motivation still needs to be found in the physical activity arena. I’m hopeful it will light up within me soon. Otherwise I will be forced to make myself do something. So much harder without an intrinsic motivation. Even when I feel “better”, physical activity makes everything hurt more which then sends me back into a phase of inactivity. It’s a viscous cycle, I tell you! If I can find some physical activities that help and don’t hurt and make them a routine, that would be lovely.
But tonight things hurt just a bit too much as some of the week’s tension seeps away. Tonight will simply include a marathon of sleep in my house of chaos. Madness knew “Our House”.
Our house it has a crowd
There’s always something happening
And it’s usually quite loud
Our mum she’s so house-proud
Nothing ever slows her down
And a mess is not allowed
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our
Our house, in the middle of our street
(Something tells you)
(That you’ve got to get away from it)
Our house, in the middle of our
Father gets up late for work
Mother has to iron his shirt
Then she sends the kids to school
Sees them off with a small kiss
She’s the one they’re going to miss
In lots of ways
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our
I remember way back then when
Everything was true and when
We would have such a very good time
Such a fine time
Such a happy time
And I remember how we’d play
Simply waste the day away
Then we’d say
Nothing would come between us
Two dreamers
Father wears his Sunday best
Mother’s tired she needs a rest
The kids are playing up downstairs
Sister’s sighing in her sleep
Brother’s got a date to keep
He can’t hang around
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, was our castle and our keep
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, that was where we used to sleep
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our street
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged Faith, family, hope, Maslow, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption, Vygotsky on February 10, 2012| Leave a Comment »
I am fortunate enough to have wonderful opportunities of fellowship with my church family. This evening was our monthly get-together of the 20s-30s group of which I am a welcome interloper since I am neither in my 20s nor my 30s. I wielded self-control of the tongue like Thor wields his mighty hammer. Not that we can’t share and contribute to the conversation-that is one of the main hopes of the group, but my brain filled with so many personal connections to the topics that if I hadn’t demonstrated the self-control I would have seemed like an egocentric maniac.
Dreams…what’s your dream? Part of our discussion this evening and a quote from Pretty Woman. Dreams are such a part of life. Songs are written about them, books are written about them, psychics will interpret your dreams from slumber. One has a dream and that leads to a goal. Then you work toward it in increments and often the goal is achieved and the dream is realized. Sometimes not. But still we dream.
The discussion turned to many topics this evening, but my brain has not finished working through them to share yet. But there a few thoughts to jot down before memory allows them to slip away.
The idea of seeing something nice and then doing the same for someone else. We knew it was from an insurance commercial but couldn’t recall which one. I saw it tonight when I turned on the television. Liberty Mutual. How often do you do that? Not watch the insurance commercial, but spread a little sunshine. It is one of the simplest ways to share kindness and make the world a wee bit friendlier.
We also talked about the image of the “good hands”. We’ve discussed that image before in relationship to ways we may picture God. I do like the image of God’s large hands keeping me safe-truly the good hands. Good hands there to comfort you in sadness, cheer with you in times of accomplishment, pray with you in times of questioning. But we also mentioned Allstate.
Is this group obsessed with insurance? No. But insurance companies play upon the craving for safety that is a part of the human existence. The first two levels of Maslow’s hierarchy deal with safety. We crave it. We don’t aspire to the “fun” stuff like dreams and aspirations until we have satisfied our need for safety. Once those aspects of life are secured (or at least as secured as those things can be), then we can jump in with both feet running toward our dreams.
It was fun to think about Maslow. I also got to think about Vygotsky tonight. It was discussed that growth comes from frustration or challenges. Hee hee…the inner geek in me thought about the zone of proximal development. One of my favorite theories that I love learning about. The exploration of its application in my life and life in general frequently fills my mind. I love the opportunities presented to me to be the more knowledgeable other (MKO). But even more exciting is when I’m in the zone and I find the more knowledgeable other in the most random of places. Many times the MKO is easy to find. If I have to figure out the increase in percentages, I go to my boss and we think it through together (she’s stronger in math than me…the MKO). If I need to hang something straight, I turn to my hubby because I have no sense of depth perception and hang everything crooked (though it looks great to me!). I seek guidance from my husband, my pastor, my folks, my friends, but sometimes the guidance I need comes from my sons. Or someplace or someone I cannot even guess.
Tonight I will slumber and most likely dream. Perhaps one of those dreams will lead to a dream for my waking hours. I think people have better days with a dream in their minds. Dreams speak of future, of possibilities, of hope. And as Uncle Stevie had Andy Dufresne say, “hope is a good thing.”
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged Faith, Frankenstein, Kenneth Branagh, Mel Brooks, mob mentality on February 9, 2012| Leave a Comment »
One has to be in awe of Mary Shelley. She capitalized on mob mentality a long time ago. Frankenstein: or The Modern Prometheus touched a nerve in society almost 200 years ago and continues to touch a nerve today. College courses are designed around studying this piece of literature. It has been adapted into multiple films, stage adaptations, and other genres within the fine arts world. People misidentify the creature as Frankenstein all the time, driving me positively crazy in the process. The themes within this one piece of literature are vast and deep, visible in our everyday society.
Politics capitalize on mob mentality stirred usually through propaganda. The saddest part about this is even with the mob stirred up apathy runs rampant. Many heated debates may take place in different forums, over coffee at the local shop, over online social media sites, in classrooms on university campuses. Real change and progress take time, energy, passion, and determination. Many people have these qualities about their personal passion, but may get tunnel vision and forget to look around. So while they could help with change they lose perspective and everyone just ends up shouting their tale louder and louder hoping to be heard by anybody who might stop to listen.
Illness also feeds mob mentality. What was the latest flu-swine, bird? I cannot even remember. People think I’m nuts to not get a flu vaccine but the last time I had the flu was the year I got the vaccine. While many of our modern medicinal advances are wonderful and things I embrace, others are creating new medical issues. I let my sons get dirty. I don’t make them use hand sanitizer every thirty minutes. They get enough of that in school. You need some germs to help your body develop the ability to fight them. Over sanitizing can make you get sicker more easily. Like I said, some medical advances are amazing. Others not so much. There is not always one pill to fix something. Natural treatments are still a valid option. Mob think however wants that one pill. They don’t always care if it’s brand spanking new and no one really knows what it could do over the long term. I personally wait till a new treatment is at least seven years out on the market to see how it does (little trick I learned from my hubby).
Education often falls into the mob mentality. This is horrific to me. Everyone learns in an individual way. While you can learn within a group format, we need to remember that each person is going to leave that group setting and process the information differently. We label everything in education to the point of labeling the labels! The mobs said 20 years ago that one needed to have their children in something everyday. Now these children struggle to focus on one central goal and stick with it. My boys get to be boys. They have time to figure out what they want to be when they grow up. They have time to focus on an interest and become good at it. They have time to learn because they are learning every day. There is so much they have to learn about simply being a gentle, considerate, compassionate person at this tender age. I don’t need to overwhelm them with extraneous stuff. The mob says I should. I ignore them.
Children aren’t always hyper–they are simply being children. They haven’t yet lost the ability to be truly excited and happy about something and show it freely. I love when I remember to do that-to let my whole being show how excited I am about something. I don’t care what the mob thinks. If I’m excited or I really like something regardless of the societal popularity, I’m gonna show it. Children express their emotions within the moment fully and I still wonder why we work so hard to lose that gift.
Be bold. Ignore the mob. Embrace your own thoughts, ideas, and dreams. Follow your own beliefs.
Truly some think that one’s own beliefs are formed by a mob. Many (not all) without an organized religion to call home seem to feel or think that organized religion is simply mob mentality or glorified cults. But unlike what sometimes happens to a person with a political cause, those who embrace a religious family are coming together because of the shared vision. Then by nature that person usually has similar views to the others within the religious family. This is similar to how one chooses their political alignment, but one political group doesn’t always meet all of one’s needs. This can make the waters muddy and creates conflict.
Politics and religion battle often over who has control of the human body. Once again, Shelley was all over that 200 years ago. This has been debated forever (or at least it seems that way even though I haven’t been around forever). We put our energies into many things that, while important, make us forget the other things that are equally important. Give people the benefit of the doubt. They are probably trying their best each day but are dealing with their own struggles. A little kindness and acceptance go a long way.
Ramblings flow easily from the brain whether it be the brain of a genius or the brain of “Abby someone…Abby Normal”. These are my ramblings this evening. Shelley gave us a lot to think about. And tons of great movies to watch. My personal favorites would be Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (yes, Kenneth Branagh’s version) and Young Frankenstein (go Mel Brooks!). They make a fun double feature if you’ve got the time. Throw in Frankenstein Unbound and you’ve got your whole day planned.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged dog, love, peace on February 7, 2012| Leave a Comment »
“…but not Ferdinand.
He liked to sit just quietly
and smell the flowers.”
(from The Story of Ferdinand by Munro Leaf)
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged Brigadoon, children, death, dog, family, Pet Sematary, Stephen King, Uncle Stevie on February 6, 2012| 2 Comments »
“May be she’ll learn something about what death really is, which is where the pain stops and the good memories begin. Not the end of life but the end of pain.”
― Stephen King, Pet Sematary
The first dog I had was named Tasha. She was a fox terrier. The curly, or wire-haired, type. She was adorable. She lived till the ripe old age of ten. When she went, it was the first experience I had with losing someone close to me. Yes, she was a dog. I do differentiate between humans and animals, but she was the first living creature I had seen every day from the age of two to pass. Now, at the age of twelve, I didn’t get to see her anymore. Pets do so much in a person’s life. For all the many years you live with them, they fill your days with happiness, laughter, and good times, good times.
At the end there is pain. But the pain you feel disappears just as Uncle Stevie wrote. The good memories begin. Tasha was a fun dog who let me dress her up in doll clothes and she would sit in the doll stroller. She had a lot of patience with me. As she got older, she gained weight (don’t we all?) and spent more time sleeping (don’t we all?). When her time came, it sucked. I cried and it made me mad that she couldn’t live forever. It was not the first time I had experienced death, but I hadn’t known the relatives who had died, they weren’t a part of my daily existence so I really didn’t notice (at that young age) any change now that they were gone. I noticed that my dog was no longer there.
Now that I’m older I realize that with the passing of the relatives, it does impact my daily existence. As each generation passes, you move up one. You take on new familial responsibilities. Perhaps not overtly, not things you notice every day, but overall you move up in the family tree. You have more branches growing and suddenly you are the one who is supposed to fill in the names in the book.
I think that’s why pets are a good thing for a family. They help you to learn about loving unconditionally and how to grieve when the time comes. It does not make the loss of a loved one any easier, but you have an understanding of the grieving process. You understand the feelings of anger, frustration, sadness. The experience of not being able to do a damn thing more than what you tried already.
Tomorrow the second dog I have loved will be with us no more. Brigs is twelve and has been in a lot of pain the past year or so. More than we probably realized, more than he may have shown until quite recently. And it is time. Our youngest is afraid of the growth on his head and our oldest recites a little mantra before he goes downstairs to visit him. It’s hard for me to look at this beautiful dog with the memories of his happy, fun life in my head while he struggles to stand up. Brigs hasn’t been upstairs for a year-he can’t handle walking up or down the stairs. He’s been on thyroid meds for five years and insulin twice a day for three years. There is a litany of issues this sweet dog has been dealing with but that’s not the part to focus on now.
Tomorrow we will learn about where the pain stops and the good memories begin. Like when he ate my husband’s underwear. Or ate the chocolate. Or ate his flea collar. Or ate half a dozen dog beds, including one that was obscenely expensive and guaranteed to be chew proof. He ripped that thing apart, stuffing everywhere, within twelve hours. I called the company and the very nice guy on the phone asked if the bed had arrived. I told him yes. He asked if my dog, Brigadoon (I splurged for the embroidered name if memory serves), liked the bed. I told him he thought it was delicious and did they mean it when they said it was guaranteed? He asked how long the bed lasted and I told him it didn’t make it through the night. They happily refunded my money. Anything he could eat, he did. Brigs still has an iron stomach. The rest of him just doesn’t work so well.
Once he ate the boys’ crayons. Very colorful poop.
He’s allergic to acorns. They cause him to have convulsions. He has never been able to enjoy our shady back yard because the two oak trees drop lots of acorns and he thinks the acorns are kibble. Silly dog.
We’ll think about the time the boys colored him with the red magic marker. We’ll think about the “puppy Olympics” he would do in the house. He would run from one end of the house to the other as fast as he could and jump up on the chaise at the one end. We had a perfect mold of his ass in the wall from where he slammed into it over and over again. I have the sheet rock to repair the wall. I’ve had it for over a year. Just can’t bring myself to repair it.
In their young lives, the boys have lost two cats. They have vague memories of the experience. When their grandmother, my wonderful mother-in-law, passed, we told them about it but didn’t have them experience the viewing or funeral. They were too young. Hell, I had nightmares for months after she passed.
It didn’t make sense. I loved her and we got along really well. Why would she be chasing me in my dreams? Had she not really liked me? It haunted me for months. My husband and I discussed what could be causing the nightmares but couldn’t come up with a reason that made sense. Then a few months later my husband called me from his dad’s house and he was very excited. He was helping his father close out the accounts and he discovered I hadn’t cashed my birthday check from my mother-in-law. Well, if there was one thing Mom couldn’t stand, it was an uncashed check. I found the check, cashed it, and bought some shoes in honor of her. Nightmares stopped.
Tomorrow the boys will have their first first-hand experience with death. They will be sad, frustrated, angry, and then hopefully happy as they remember Brigs as he was, not as the old, hurting dog he became. I will not let them read Pet Sematary, hell, I can’t read it anymore. Now that I have young sons, I can’t read it. I’ll read it again when they are older. But we will take Uncle Stevie’s words and embrace them. We will let the pain end and the good memories begin. Not the end of life but the end of pain.
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged children, family, Pokemon on February 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »
Over the past month our sons have gone to birthday parties every weekend. Six birthday parties. One of which was today and in honor of our youngest’s upcoming seventh birthday. He has a summer birthday and we had hoped to have more school friends attend if it was during the school year. Not true. Didn’t matter. He had a blast.
It used to be that I had a social life. Not so much anymore. At this exact moment, I am waiting up for the six and a half year old to come home from roller skating with the neighbors. Our eight year old opted to stay home (he’s still a bit under the weather). I organized the unbirthday boy’s Pokemon deck with guidance from the older son. I couldn’t help myself. I alphabetized them with the health points.
Yep, my sons have more interesting social lives than my husband and me.
When did that happen?
This will be the way of life for the next ten to twelve years. Then I’ll get my social life back. Maybe. If I haven’t become a boring old lady. That’s the trick now. To keep myself interesting for the next twelve years. I have to keep learning new stuff and remember that I have a brain. Explore new things, keep up with my hobbies. I really have let my hobbies fall off the radar. I’ve let a lot of things fall of the radar. My husband only learned today that I enjoy roller skating. I told him I would have gone if both boys went tonight. He didn’t know I even knew how to roller skate.
Maybe he’s got a brand new key.
Update…the six year year old stopped by for a brief moment to tell me he was going out for a sundae. Am I jealous? Little bit…
Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged children, family, friends on February 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »
We had our wonderful annual date night this evening. Dear friends treat us to a grown-up night out and babysit the boys to boot! The dinner was lovely and the conversation was uninterrupted by requests for more drinks or someone calling someone a barf-face or poopiehead. To have adult conversation and keep your train of thought is a beautiful thing.
Scarily enough we also enjoy the fact that on this night we also manage to run errands together! It’s a pleasure to not have small ones asking for every item they see as we walk through the aisles. I finally managed to buy the new bath mat. Now that provided a feeling of accomplishment!
Then we ended the evening sharing a lovely bottle of wine with the wonderful couple who made the grown-up night possible. Good times, good times. Very interesting conversation!
ohbloodyhell8 