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The Spelling Bee

February 23, 2012 by pinkpigrulz

The Thursday evening ritual in most homes with elementary age school children includes the final review of this week’s spelling words.  Both of our sons are happily strong spellers.  They get it.  This makes our job relatively easy.  My heart goes out to the parents of children who struggle with spelling.  For some children it just doesn’t make sense.  It may never make a whole lot of sense to them and they will have to learn to trust spell check and find someone to do a really good job of proofreading.

For my sons, they enjoy spelling.  My oldest loves showing how well he knows his words.  He stays very focused during this Thursday night ritual.  He keeps a big smile on his face the whole time.  The only tricky part of the evening is to keep my youngest from being a goofball.  He enjoys misspelling words for fun.  The problem is he might then get them wrong on the test.  So tonight I tried something a little differently.  He got to quiz me.

Oh, he enjoyed this arrangement very much.  He chose words from his chart of word wall words with glee.  After I would spell the word, he would tell me I was wrong.  Then he would say “there’s a z at the end” or “there’s an e at the end”.  With a sweet smile, he’d then shout, “No, you spelled it right!”  This got on the nerves of his older brother rather quickly, but he tolerated it well.  He seemed to enjoy listening to our little spelling bee.

No matter how you review the words, it counts.  My youngest went to bed thinking he pulled one over on me by not practicing his spelling words.  And I let him go to bed thinking that.

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Yeah, I know that.

February 22, 2012 by pinkpigrulz

Last night during dinner, I asked my youngest about school.  He quickly shared that he had to write a story but he was not sure how because he missed most of writing when he went to speech.   I asked him what he did remember about the story.  He said it needed to have a middle, a beginning, and an end.  I asked if it was possibly a story with a beginning, middle, and end to which he replied, “Yes, that’s it!”

Well, older brother could no longer contain himself.  He had to chime in with his two cents.  He proudly declared that he writes stories with FIVE paragraphs.  He asked his brother if he was going to start his story with a “grabber-you know, to grab your audience’s attention?”  I calmly reminded him that his brother is in first grade and at the moment, the class was focusing on beginning, middle, and end.

My oldest son then asked, with attitude oozing and dripping from his entire being, if I even know what a grabber is and how to use it in a story.

I gently asked him if he remembered that my job is managing a writing lab at a university.  He quickly remembered and acquiesced that I might, in fact, understand the concept of a grabber.  I then told him I hope one day he graduates from the “classic five paragraph essay” because there are so many wonderful ways to write.

It was another rough night for the oldest son.  My youngest received the lion’s share of my time.  We brainstormed some ideas for his story.  He says he doesn’t finish his writing at school because he spends all his time thinking of what to write.  Now he has a plan for the story and he decorated his list with Sponge Bob stickers so I know he was pleased with it.  But this took most of the evening because I wanted him to enjoy the process.  We didn’t rush.  We brainstormed at the speed of a six-year-old.

Eight-year-old was crushed.  The evening was not centered around him.  This has been happening more often and he’s having some trouble with this adjustment of the Mom-time.  Once they were tucked into bed, I called my oldest son out under the guise that he needed to put something in his backpack.  I hoped that would be a boring enough request that my youngest would stay in bed.  Nope, he wandered down the hall about 8 steps behind his big bro.  I shooed him back to bed and called my oldest over for a good old-fashioned Brady Bunch talk.

I asked him why he had been so angry with me all night and he fessed up that he didn’t like so much time going to his brother.  I explained that it wasn’t that I love him any less, but that it was a shift to balance the time between the two of them.  We had a great talk and a lot of hugs.  Then his younger brother came down the hall again.  We three cuddled for a while on the couch and talked about random and wonderful things.  Once they were tucked into bed again, they happily drifted off to sleep.

Yeah, I know a few things.  But with each passing day they think I know less and less.

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Thoughtful

February 20, 2012 by pinkpigrulz

We don’t take enough time to think anymore.  To simply sit and be thoughtful about matters.  We rush through our days and possibly take stock at the end of the night as we brush our teeth.  I suggest that thought may only happen when brushing teeth since one’s mouth is full and talking becomes ridiculous.  Not impossible, but silly sounding!

In the heat of a moment choices can be made.  Without thinking it through, without making a thoughtful decision, a choice may come across very differently than one intended.  A person might think that what he is doing is making things simple for the others involved, but then it comes across to the others as having a deeper meaning.

When you are the recipient of such a situation, you need to be thoughtful about your response.

Tonight I will be thoughtful.  I will reflect on a series of events that span the past few months, perhaps the past year.  I will see where I stand after being thoughtful.  Then I will decide where to go with it next.  It may take more than just tonight.  It may take a while.  Because the action that may have been seen as simple was rather hurtful, at least with how the enclosed note read.

If only I had been more thoughtful and not thrown the note out.  But it hurt to read it.  Didn’t want to keep that around.

Thoughtful times are all that’s left to help me.  I will try to view things from the other perspective and hope the same is being done to understand my perspective.  And there is the gift of time.  Time softens things, makes the memories blurry.  Time lessens the importance I am placing on things today.  The perspective will be different tomorrow.

Treat yourself to a quiet time tomorrow to sit and be thoughtful. To reflect on the important people and projects in your life.  Be thoughtful of what you have done lately and what you want or need to do.

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Ah, simplicity

February 19, 2012 by pinkpigrulz

Today was a day of simplicity.  The boys and I went to church.  I was subbing for one of the other Sunday School teachers and my students were the helpers.  This meant I got to teach my youngest son’s class.  He did really well having Mom be his teacher for the day.  I try to teach a grade that neither are in because there is a wee bit more pressure when your mom’s the teacher.

The worship service seemed to be filled with simplicity in that so much of it was prayer.  Prayers for the community as we struggle with the tragedy from Thursday morning.  The words from my pastor filled my heart and I kept adding my own prayer of thanks for my two healthy and happy sons.  The boys helped me put the new curriculum in the classrooms after service and then we drove home.

On the drive we looked to see if the carcass of the deer was still on the side of the road.  It had been several weeks since we sat and watched the turkey buzzards (I think that’s what they were; they didn’t look like a classic vulture).  The bones were still there but no birds were circling anymore.

We came home and had sandwiches for lunch.  We had hoped to go to the museum this weekend but the boys didn’t keep up their end of the bargain.  Chores had to be completed by the time I got home from work on Friday and the chores weren’t done.  There were a lot of tears, a lot of promises, and I’m sure they were thinking “mean Mommy and mean Daddy”, but they had the whole day to accomplish a few simple chores.  What they accomplished was making the mess even bigger.  I hate that part of being a parent.  I love to take them on adventures.  But part of the job is saying no when the time is appropriate.

Without the trip to the museum, yesterday was spent working on the house.  With actual thought and planning, we simplified our kitchen.  We have this pile of stuff that tended to sit on the floor due to lack of cabinet space.  I measured the space and found the two random, funky cabinets we inherited with the house would fit in the space.  I gave them each a quick and dirty coat of paint (theater painting in my vernacular) and we set them up.  Not only does this give us the extra storage we needed, it provides the ever popular extra counter-top space.  Ah, simplicity.

My hubby and I also talked about the fact that we don’t need to buy as much food as we do.  I am dreadfully spoiled since my hubby does the shopping, but the man loves a sale.  He’ll stockpile like a hoarder.  Today he went to get the lunch meat for the sandwiches and did buy some Entenmann’s donuts–on sale.  Today he only bought two boxes.  Yea!

Hubby did a lot of work in his office too.  We also agreed that the more we cleaned out the more there is to clean out.  We agreed it will simply take time and celebrated our little victories of the weekend.  I repositioned my wonderful “Vera” bouquet in a spot that highlights it beautifully.  I used the space it had been in to set up a little bar (when did we acquire enough liquor to require a little make-shift bar?  Wow, we’re like grown-ups or something).  I dealt with several bags of “stuff” that seemed important enough at the time to set aside but now are clearly unnecessary.  Time really does work its magic, doesn’t it?  Things that seem so urgent and important rarely are as important as we make them out to be.

And now I sit looking at my home.  If one of those “staging for sale” shows came in, they would have a heart attack.  But man, it’s our house.  It is fun, funky, and a little bit strange.  It always strikes me as odd when people ask me how the boys handle the office downstairs.  I have to remind myself that to some that’s a weird way to grow up.  To me, it’s not like it’s a funeral home or anything.  It’s a chiropractor’s office.  Sure there are a bunch of spines and x-rays, but what house doesn’t have them?  With my hubby working from home, our sons get to have grand adventures after school and all summer long.  We are in a phase of simplicity yet also a renewing of our shared lives.  It’s quite a lovely place to be.

Our sons bedrooms would also freak out the staging people.  A picture is worth a thousand words. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So our house is our own.  We live life marching to our own drummer.  At this moment, our sons are cuddling on the couch watching their beloved Pokemon.  Then they’ll get ready for bed and they’ll probably fight just a little bit.  Because they are brothers.  And that’s okay for now.  Simplicity.  Spending the weekend together.  Simplicity.  Doing a little bit each day.  Simplicity.

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My Lunch with the Gov

February 17, 2012 by pinkpigrulz

Okay, this is actually a letter I sent this evening to the Gov, but I don’t have that category so we’re putting it under My Lunch with…

Dear Governor Christie,
Good morning (or whatever time of day this is read).  To whoever reads this on behalf of the Governor, good morning to you as well.

Please reconsider the bill for gay marriage.  I lean more toward the conservative side, typically vote Republican, though the better person for the job will get my vote.  I am a Christian (American Baptist) and I practice my religion.  I work on my faith every day.  My faith tells me to embrace everyone and learn to love the person regardless of what my faith may identify as sin.  Through my life I can live the way Jesus taught one to live.  That is my choice.  That is my freedom as an American.  We are all created equal in America.  Yet, gay marriage still is struggling to gain a solid foothold in our country.

I actually liken this issue to the suffrage movement.  Women didn’t have the same rights with regards to property and the like, nor voting.  Now voting is not an issue in this situation, but the rest lines up moderately well.  I could not imagine my life if my voice didn’t matter, if I were not equal to my husband.

How can I say that two gay people don’t deserve the same as what my husband and I share?  Love, respect, shared goals and hopes.  I know so many gay people and I love them.  I don’t like to see their pain and frustration over this issue.

I cannot stop thinking that passing such legislation would have so many benefits to our society.  It would be a giant step forward in diminishing stigma.  Imagine the hope it would offer to young people struggling with their identities in a society that makes it so difficult to express themselves.  Could it help to lower the amount of bullying?  Possibly.  Isn’t that wonderful-it would help to support the anti-bullying law that all the children are being legislated to learn.  If we can legislate anti-bullying, then we can legislate a new road to help forge the end of bullying related to homosexuality.  Remove the stigma and help with acceptance.  Help with finding the similarities rather than widening the differences.

There’s so much legislation that sounds silly to the average person.  Yet this legislation could actually improve lives.  And relationships between people.  And even the economy.  Most importantly, my friends would be able to celebrate their love.

Please know that I know you are making several statements with the whole veto thing.  I know what you campaigned on but this matters more than a campaign promise.  Sadly, if you leave it to a vote, not enough people will show up because apathy runs rampant in this state.  I know also that another reason behind the veto may be related to the whole political drama thing-making a statement that the senate and house are focusing on the wrong things right now.  This is finally a piece of legislation that moves something in society forward, unlike so many other bills that seem silly.  I really wish I could recall some of the stupider ones from the past year, but darn, brain’s drawing a blank.

You have impressed me thus far because you remind me of Dave.  Watch the Kevin Kline movie Dave if you want to know what that means (if you’ve never seen it).  But right now you’re starting to act more like a politician and it’s not impressive.  Stop campaigning with this issue, stop referring back to your winning campaign for the positive psychological impact that it can have on voters, and do the job you were hired to do.  And as Dave said, it’s a temp job at that.  Go for it, be a trailblazer.  Be bold.  Sign the bill.

Be well.

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Just in case you forgot

February 16, 2012 by pinkpigrulz

It seems for me that whenever I’m ready to plop myself down and dig into a deep and wide pity party, God lovingly smacks me across the face and says, “Snap out of it.”  I have had a blessed life.  Yes, I have had my own challenges to deal with and battle and overcome.  Some more intense than what others may have faced in their lives, but every challenge has had an outcome of me growing stronger or learning a new way to live my life.  I’ve been mighty whiny in some of my posts the past few months.  (Sorry, but then again, it is my blog.  I get to decide what I’m going to write about, though I truly appreciate you reading my whiny posts).  I also believe that the challenges I face in my life are totally valid and not any less of a challenge because of other events, but those events offer perspective and help me move forward.

A tragic accident occurred this morning in the town where my husband grew up.  My father-in-law lives there still.  We worship at church there every week.  I’m on one the boards of this church because that’s my church family and I believe I can be of some use in this capacity.  We got married there, we were both baptized there, I pray my sons will one day be baptized there.  So while I’ve never lived in this town, my heart weeps this evening.  A family has lost a child.  I can’t even write about that because I can’t fathom how that must rip one’s soul out.  My heart , my prayers, are with the family.  I have friends who lost a child and I am constantly in awe of their strength and love and patience to grow from it and to embrace their family close to their hearts with their child always in their hearts, with lots of love and hope.  I hope for the family who is living that tragedy today that they are able to find their love and strength as my friends did, do, and will.

This is the perspective.  This is what makes me write what I wrote above.  I can’t get the image of Cher out of my mind.  Remember in the movie Moonstruck, she slaps Nic Cage and says “Snap out of it.”  That’s what God does to me every once in a while when I get stupidly stuck in my own experience without looking out to the world to connect to the larger world.  To see Him weeping at some awful tragedy that has happened.  To challenge me to think of ways I could help the world rather than sit and whine at a pity party.

I hugged my sons nice and tight tonight.  I smiled as I heard them saying their prayers.  I thanked God for my blessings.  I asked for comfort and grace for the town of Chesterfield.

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Date Night

February 15, 2012 by pinkpigrulz

I had a date this evening with an incredibly handsome young man.  He’s a little shorter than 4 feet, has dirty blond hair, and these blue eyes surrounded by the most amazing (girls are jealous because they need mascara to get these) eyelashes.  I even told my husband about the date.  He was jealous, but he let this young charmer spend the time with me.

My youngest was sick yesterday with a little stomach virus (no, not the norovirus).  We spent the whole day together.  Still, evening came and the boys were tucked into bed.  A few minutes later I heard the footsteps coming down the hallway.  Ah, my youngest, with tears streaming down his face.  He claimed to still be sick (he was using some of those brains in a most manipulative way).  After some deep conversation, the problem was identified.  He wanted more time with Mommy-without the big brother making the choices.  Ah, the root of the issue.

Birth order impacts each person greatly over the course of their lives.  When my hubby and I were gearing up to get married we attended premarital counseling.  It was awesome.  Part of it was to explore our families of origin and how they would impact the family that we were building.  You learn a lot when you look at your family objectively and identify the “roles” you are assigned.  Part of this process helped discover that as a middle child, I knew I would prefer to only have two children.  I also discovered a goal created from being a second child because I know what it’s like to live in the shadow of the older sibling.

There are very few pictures of me as a child.  My interests were echoes of my older sibling’s choices.  My schedule was often dictated by my older sibling’s many because he started his stuff before I did.  Age trumped beauty, I like to think.  😉

Anyhoo, I knew I would not let my second child wonder where were all his pictures.  No, I do not harbor deep feelings of anger toward my folks. Actually, I tease my mother about it.  At least I hope she knows I’m teasing.  But I am intentional in my efforts to level the playing field.  Still, my youngest is beginning to express his discontent about the rank of his big bro.  Big brothers do tend to boss the younger ones around.  It happens rather naturally.  But I believe in nature and nurture.

Tonight’s date included his choice of movie and no big brother.  Big brother was eventually invited to join us and then nature stepped in the picture.  We were watching School House Rock (oh, yeah, Mom was pleased with the choice) and the oldest was trying to tell his brother which one to pick next.  I’m sure you can guess the drama that followed.

Older brother really didn’t like not being the one to make the choices.  He burst into tears because “it’s not about me.”  He was quite troubled by someone else being in control.  The younger brother was delirious with the power.  Pinching was involved.  Parental speeches that echoed the speeches of Mike and Carol were delivered.  Hugs were given.  This was the first step on the road to a more balanced control of power between the brothers.  It will take many steps.  And many more Brady Bunch speeches.

All this generated an interesting declaration at bedtime.  The oldest stated that dad must be the boss of mom, mom the boss of oldest son, and oldest son boss of youngest son.  Whoa.  I quickly corrected him that Dad is not the boss of Mom.  That husbands and wives are partners.  And siblings are not bosses of each other, not are they their keepers.  The complexity of relationships will be explored for decades by these boys.  Of course, their mom is still working on relationships.  That’s the best thing I could teach them about relationships.  They always change and you never become a master at them.  You always work at them and sometimes they are beyond your control.  The only control you sometimes have is to let go of them as gracefully as you can.  And even then you’ll stumble.

Date night.  Way more than I expected.

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Revisiting the plateau

February 13, 2012 by pinkpigrulz

An update…first, I’m totally going to try the spoon/bean game.  I love games.

Plus, proud to say I shut my office door today and did my stretches in the middle of the day.  I worked to keep my focus and kept myself centered on simplicity.  I summoned grace as needed.  I also ate dinner there, late in the afternoon, so I had more energy to get home.  I haven’t even snacked tonight which is good.  I feel naturally tired and will be going to bed after I finish typing this…goodnight!

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You’ve got brains you haven’t used yet

February 13, 2012 by pinkpigrulz

Our youngest son loves zombies and mummies and creatures of all sorts.  I’m not sure why he developed an interest in creatures.  I do enjoy the monsters from literature and simply Halloween and ghoulies in general so perhaps he got it from me.  I think I know when his love of the macabre began-the year he would only wear a jack o’ lantern shirt.  Trust me, I look forward to the years of deep discussion and dissection of Uncle Stevie’s books with my youngest son.

Tonight we reviewed the report card.  He did very well. The one area that needs some effort is writing.  But wait…I manage a writing lab, how could this be?   He is my second child and communication has always been more physical for him since his brother is “Verbal” Kint.  Our youngest usually managed to get a word in edgewise by whaling his brother at the opportune moment.  We’ve broken both of their habits.  The oldest has come to realize that his baby brother can, in fact, speak and express his desires, needs, and thoughts.  Our youngest now knows to say excuse me, although more often than not, he simply screams his bother’s, oops, I mean, brother’s name to get his attention.  Baby steps, remember.

So how do I inspire my physical, kinesthetic child to write?  I started by asking him how he feels about writing.  Doesn’t like it.  Why not?  I don’t get enough time.  What do you do with the time you have?  I have to think about what to write and by the time I think of something, time’s up.

We’re creating a “writing ideas” folder for him to bring to school.  Pictures of stuff he likes, places he thinks are interesting, and a list of things to write about to help him come up with ideas.  We talked about how he can write his list of ideas any way he wants to because he can always rearrange the ideas later.  I also told him I know he does his best and that’s what he needs to do.

Then I asked him if he knows how smart he is.  His brother is smart.  There’s no other way to say it, the kid is bright.  I took out some library books today to learn about evolutionary theology to help him as he moves toward accepting Jesus as his savior and getting baptized.  He needs to reconcile the fact that, and I quote, “When Adam would have been made doesn’t line up chronologically with the arrival of the first Homo sapiens.”  That is a big shadow to stand in every day of your life.  So I asked our youngest how smart he is.  He wasn’t sure.

I’ll tell you, this kid is smart too.  He is so mechanically inclined it blows my mind away.  He can design things in his mind and execute them exactly the same way.  He doesn’t need to sketch it out-it’s simply there.  He ponders and comes out with declarations that you don’t expect from a six-year-old and his street smarts are equal to his book smarts.  He watches and observes his older brother and learns from him.  He needs to see this about himself.

I decided to connect this conversation about his “smarts” to his love of zombies.  My hubby likes to chase after them for their “BRAINS”.  I told our youngest he has brains he hasn’t even used yet.  I told him zombies would love his brains.  He smiled from one ear to the other.  Tonight, he spent 30 minutes reading before bed.  He seems very excited about the writing ideas folder.  Ah, zombies inspiring great writing.

What brains do you have that you haven’t used yet?

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Reaching a plateau

February 12, 2012 by pinkpigrulz

The day was full of possibilities.  The morning started rather well, with some cuddling of the six year old as he cried a wee bit about Brigadoon.  The tears soon turned to laughs as we talked about some Brigs’ goofier moments.  Everyone was fed, dressed, and ready to go to church.  Even managed to scrape off the minivan.  Goals were set for the day on the way to church and the sun began to peek through the clouds.

Before Sunday School, my oldest son asked me to go see the puppies his teacher had brought to class.  I went in happily, the circle of life and all, and I doubted they would be lab puppies.

Yep, a chocolate, a black, and a yellow in all their furry cuddly glory.  Tears sprung to my eyes.  I quickly left the room and went to teach my class.

After class, my sons and I went into the classroom and held those cute puppies.  My boys were quick to ask for the yellow one (no), then the other two (no and no).  Their requests helped me to not cry.  We went into church and I felt refreshed.  On the way home we stopped by the firehouse to sign up for little league and then splurged on some Dunkin Donuts.

The goals I had set for myself on the way to church were still in my working memory.  I planned on a very productive day.  We pulled into the driveway and I saw the gutter hanging off of the house.  Called my brother-in-law but he was up north shopping.  I simply hoped it wouldn’t rip all the way off, exposing the wood.

I hit the plateau.

Everything began to hurt.  Motivation flew out the window.  While I did accomplish some tasks, the energy was gone.  How can that little of a day suck so much energy out of me?

Yes, my sons had a fun day.  They used their sleds a few times down the little hill.  They played outside until they were freezing.  They played Air Hogs inside, had fun meals, and were wonderfully behaved all day.  As I type, they are playing in the bathroom sink.  Water continues to fascinate them.  They’ve followed directions, been gracious, and had a pleasant day.  I love my time with them, you know, time not interrupted by other things.

My question, more to myself but if anyone has theories, feel free to share them, is how do I summon up so much energy at work five days a week and cannot make it past 3:00 on a weekend day?  What changes?  Is it because I sit behind a desk like a bump on a log at work?  Is it because I put more heart and soul into the weekend days because family trumps work and I wear myself out more quickly?  Obviously, like many folks, I wish I could work two days a week and have five days off with my family.  Since that’s not the schedule at work, and I’m not independently wealthy, I work five days a week and get two days with my family.  Why can I not manage my energy better on Saturday and Sunday?

So here I sit at 7:30, an obscenely early hour in my world, hoping my sons go to bed and fall asleep really quickly so I can go to bed with ice packs on various bones.  My bro-in-law was wonderful and stopped by with his wonderful wife and in the freezing cold, he nailed the gutter back up onto the house.  I got the ladders and hammer ready right after they called because we were losing daylight fast.  Now the gutter will at least hold till it can be properly replaced.

The many goals that were set?  I hung up two towel hooks and set up a litter box with an easier entry for the very senior cat.  The many others?  Still sitting in my working memory, wondering when they too will be accomplished.

Not tonight my good goals.  Not tonight.  I’ll be lucky to make it to the bed.

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