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Riding home the other day, I heard that classic by the Bangles, “Walk Like an Egyptian”. As I sang along, getting stared at by the other motorists not hip enough to recognize my smooth steering wheel dance moves, I really listened to the lyrics, for the first time since I memorized them almost 30 years ago. I wondered if this song could chart the tops today? Let’s examine the evidence, shall we?

All the old paintings on the tombs
They do the sand dance don’t you know –could offend someone, though I don’t know what a                                                                                            sand dance is
If they move too quick (oh whey oh)
They’re falling down like a domino

All the bazaar men by the Nile–is this sterotyping, can’t have it, could offend
They got the money on a bet–is it legal? —Where exactly is the betting taking place?
Gold crocodiles (oh whey oh)
They snap their teeth on your cigarette–smoking is BAD, the worst thing you could ever do

Foreign types with the hookah pipes say–foreign types? —Nope, offend, offend, offend, and                                                                                                                              would hookah pipes be replaced                                                                                                                                by vaping?
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh–what do they have against whey?
Walk like an Egyptian-how does an Egyptian walk? —Could offend Egyptians at the very                                                                                                                             least, but others on their behalf.

Blond waitresses take their trays–why are they only blond? —Discriminatory hiring                                                                                              practices?
They spin around and they cross the floor
They’ve got the moves (oh whey oh)
You drop your drink and they give you more

All the school kids so sick of books–this would be apps
They like the punk and the metal band–not very representative of the wide array of musical                                                                                          genres 
When the buzzer rings (oh whey oh)
They’re walking like an Egyptian

All the kids in the marketplace say
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk like an Egyptian

Slide your feet up the street bend your back
Shift your arm then you pull it back
Life is hard you know (oh whey oh)
So strike a pose on a Cadillac–No clue what this stanza is about, were they high? Bad role                                                                            model, could influence our children to eat donuts (you know,                                                                        when the munchies kick in).

If you want to find all the cops
They’re hanging out in the donut shop–hello? Also, aren’t donuts on the “do not eat” list? 
They sing and dance (oh whey oh)
Spin the clubs cruise down the block

All the Japanese with their yen
The party boys call the Kremlin
And the Chinese know (oh whey oh)
They walk the line like Egyptian–this entire stanza would be deemed offensive and have to be                                                                          removed

All the cops in the donut shop say–back on the cops again?
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk like an Egyptian
Walk like an Egyptian

Well, I’m no expert but I don’t think there is a chance in h-e-double-hockey-sticks that this song could top the charts today. Thank goodness I grew up in the 80s.

Songwriters
LIAM HILLARD STERNBERG

Published by
Lyrics © Peermusic Publishing

 

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