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Posts Tagged ‘children’

You’ve got brains you haven’t used yet

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , on February 13, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Our youngest son loves zombies and mummies and creatures of all sorts.  I’m not sure why he developed an interest in creatures.  I do enjoy the monsters from literature and simply Halloween and ghoulies in general so perhaps he got it from me.  I think I know when his love of the macabre began-the year he would only wear a jack o’ lantern shirt.  Trust me, I look forward to the years of deep discussion and dissection of Uncle Stevie’s books with my youngest son.

Tonight we reviewed the report card.  He did very well. The one area that needs some effort is writing.  But wait…I manage a writing lab, how could this be?   He is my second child and communication has always been more physical for him since his brother is “Verbal” Kint.  Our youngest usually managed to get a word in edgewise by whaling his brother at the opportune moment.  We’ve broken both of their habits.  The oldest has come to realize that his baby brother can, in fact, speak and express his desires, needs, and thoughts.  Our youngest now knows to say excuse me, although more often than not, he simply screams his bother’s, oops, I mean, brother’s name to get his attention.  Baby steps, remember.

So how do I inspire my physical, kinesthetic child to write?  I started by asking him how he feels about writing.  Doesn’t like it.  Why not?  I don’t get enough time.  What do you do with the time you have?  I have to think about what to write and by the time I think of something, time’s up.

We’re creating a “writing ideas” folder for him to bring to school.  Pictures of stuff he likes, places he thinks are interesting, and a list of things to write about to help him come up with ideas.  We talked about how he can write his list of ideas any way he wants to because he can always rearrange the ideas later.  I also told him I know he does his best and that’s what he needs to do.

Then I asked him if he knows how smart he is.  His brother is smart.  There’s no other way to say it, the kid is bright.  I took out some library books today to learn about evolutionary theology to help him as he moves toward accepting Jesus as his savior and getting baptized.  He needs to reconcile the fact that, and I quote, “When Adam would have been made doesn’t line up chronologically with the arrival of the first Homo sapiens.”  That is a big shadow to stand in every day of your life.  So I asked our youngest how smart he is.  He wasn’t sure.

I’ll tell you, this kid is smart too.  He is so mechanically inclined it blows my mind away.  He can design things in his mind and execute them exactly the same way.  He doesn’t need to sketch it out-it’s simply there.  He ponders and comes out with declarations that you don’t expect from a six-year-old and his street smarts are equal to his book smarts.  He watches and observes his older brother and learns from him.  He needs to see this about himself.

I decided to connect this conversation about his “smarts” to his love of zombies.  My hubby likes to chase after them for their “BRAINS”.  I told our youngest he has brains he hasn’t even used yet.  I told him zombies would love his brains.  He smiled from one ear to the other.  Tonight, he spent 30 minutes reading before bed.  He seems very excited about the writing ideas folder.  Ah, zombies inspiring great writing.

What brains do you have that you haven’t used yet?

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Reaching a plateau

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on February 12, 2012| 2 Comments »

The day was full of possibilities.  The morning started rather well, with some cuddling of the six year old as he cried a wee bit about Brigadoon.  The tears soon turned to laughs as we talked about some Brigs’ goofier moments.  Everyone was fed, dressed, and ready to go to church.  Even managed to scrape off the minivan.  Goals were set for the day on the way to church and the sun began to peek through the clouds.

Before Sunday School, my oldest son asked me to go see the puppies his teacher had brought to class.  I went in happily, the circle of life and all, and I doubted they would be lab puppies.

Yep, a chocolate, a black, and a yellow in all their furry cuddly glory.  Tears sprung to my eyes.  I quickly left the room and went to teach my class.

After class, my sons and I went into the classroom and held those cute puppies.  My boys were quick to ask for the yellow one (no), then the other two (no and no).  Their requests helped me to not cry.  We went into church and I felt refreshed.  On the way home we stopped by the firehouse to sign up for little league and then splurged on some Dunkin Donuts.

The goals I had set for myself on the way to church were still in my working memory.  I planned on a very productive day.  We pulled into the driveway and I saw the gutter hanging off of the house.  Called my brother-in-law but he was up north shopping.  I simply hoped it wouldn’t rip all the way off, exposing the wood.

I hit the plateau.

Everything began to hurt.  Motivation flew out the window.  While I did accomplish some tasks, the energy was gone.  How can that little of a day suck so much energy out of me?

Yes, my sons had a fun day.  They used their sleds a few times down the little hill.  They played outside until they were freezing.  They played Air Hogs inside, had fun meals, and were wonderfully behaved all day.  As I type, they are playing in the bathroom sink.  Water continues to fascinate them.  They’ve followed directions, been gracious, and had a pleasant day.  I love my time with them, you know, time not interrupted by other things.

My question, more to myself but if anyone has theories, feel free to share them, is how do I summon up so much energy at work five days a week and cannot make it past 3:00 on a weekend day?  What changes?  Is it because I sit behind a desk like a bump on a log at work?  Is it because I put more heart and soul into the weekend days because family trumps work and I wear myself out more quickly?  Obviously, like many folks, I wish I could work two days a week and have five days off with my family.  Since that’s not the schedule at work, and I’m not independently wealthy, I work five days a week and get two days with my family.  Why can I not manage my energy better on Saturday and Sunday?

So here I sit at 7:30, an obscenely early hour in my world, hoping my sons go to bed and fall asleep really quickly so I can go to bed with ice packs on various bones.  My bro-in-law was wonderful and stopped by with his wonderful wife and in the freezing cold, he nailed the gutter back up onto the house.  I got the ladders and hammer ready right after they called because we were losing daylight fast.  Now the gutter will at least hold till it can be properly replaced.

The many goals that were set?  I hung up two towel hooks and set up a litter box with an easier entry for the very senior cat.  The many others?  Still sitting in my working memory, wondering when they too will be accomplished.

Not tonight my good goals.  Not tonight.  I’ll be lucky to make it to the bed.

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Uncle Stevie comes to the rescue

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , , on February 6, 2012| 2 Comments »

“May be she’ll learn something about what death really is, which is where the pain stops and the good memories begin. Not the end of life but the end of pain.”
― Stephen King, Pet Sematary

The first dog I had was named Tasha.  She was a fox terrier.  The curly, or wire-haired, type.  She was adorable.  She lived till the ripe old age of ten.  When she went, it was the first experience I had with losing someone close to me.  Yes, she was a dog.  I do differentiate between humans and animals, but she was the first living creature I had seen every day from the age of two to pass.  Now, at the age of twelve, I didn’t get to see her anymore.  Pets do so much in a person’s life.  For all the many years you live with them, they fill your days with happiness, laughter, and good times, good times.

At the end there is pain.  But the pain you feel disappears just as Uncle Stevie wrote.  The good memories begin.  Tasha was a fun dog who let me dress her up in doll clothes and she would sit in the doll stroller.  She had a lot of patience with me.  As she got older, she gained weight (don’t we all?) and spent more time sleeping (don’t we all?).  When her time came, it sucked.  I cried and it made me mad that she couldn’t live forever.  It was not the first time I had experienced death, but I hadn’t known the relatives who had died, they weren’t a part of my daily existence so I really didn’t notice (at that young age) any change now that they were gone.  I noticed that my dog was no longer there.

Now that I’m older I realize that with the passing of the relatives, it does impact my daily existence.  As each generation passes, you move up one.  You take on new familial responsibilities.  Perhaps not overtly, not things you notice every day, but overall you move up in the family tree.  You have more branches growing and suddenly you are the one who is supposed to fill in the names in the book.

I think that’s why pets are a good thing for a family.  They help you to learn about loving unconditionally and how to grieve when the time comes.  It does not make the loss of a loved one any easier, but you have an understanding of the grieving process.  You understand the feelings of anger, frustration, sadness.  The experience of not being able to do a damn thing more than what you tried already.

Tomorrow the second dog I have loved will be with us no more.  Brigs is twelve and has been in a lot of pain the past year or so.  More than we probably realized, more than he may have shown until quite recently.  And it is time.  Our youngest is afraid of the growth on his head and our oldest recites a little mantra before he goes downstairs to visit him.  It’s hard for me to look at this beautiful dog with the memories of his happy, fun life in my head while he struggles to stand up.  Brigs hasn’t been upstairs for a year-he can’t handle walking up or down the stairs.  He’s been on thyroid meds for five years and insulin twice a day for three years.  There is a litany of issues this sweet dog has been dealing with but that’s not the part to focus on now.

Tomorrow we will learn about where the pain stops and the good memories begin.  Like when he ate my husband’s underwear.  Or ate the chocolate.  Or ate his flea collar.  Or ate half a dozen dog beds, including one that was obscenely expensive and guaranteed to be chew proof.  He ripped that thing apart, stuffing everywhere, within twelve hours.  I called the company and the very nice guy on the phone asked if the bed had arrived.  I told him yes.  He asked if my dog, Brigadoon (I splurged for the embroidered name if memory serves), liked the bed.  I told him he thought it was delicious and did they mean it when they said it was guaranteed?  He asked how long the bed lasted and I told him it didn’t make it through the night.  They happily refunded my money.  Anything he could eat, he did.  Brigs still has an iron stomach.  The rest of him just doesn’t work so well.

Once he ate the boys’ crayons.  Very colorful poop.

He’s allergic to acorns.  They cause him to have convulsions.  He has never been able to enjoy our shady back yard because the two oak trees drop lots of acorns and he thinks the acorns are kibble.  Silly dog.

We’ll think about the time the boys colored him with the red magic marker.  We’ll think about the “puppy Olympics” he would do in the house.  He would run from one end of the house to the other as fast as he could and jump up on the chaise at the one end.  We had a perfect mold of his ass in the wall from where he slammed into it over and over again.  I have the sheet rock to repair the wall.  I’ve had it for over a year.  Just can’t bring myself to repair it.

In their young lives, the boys have lost two cats.  They have vague memories of the experience.  When their grandmother, my wonderful mother-in-law, passed, we told them about it but didn’t have them experience the viewing or funeral.  They were too young.  Hell, I had nightmares for months after she passed.

It didn’t make sense.  I loved her and we got along really well.  Why would she be chasing me in my dreams?  Had she not really liked me?  It haunted me for months.  My husband and I discussed what could be causing the nightmares but couldn’t come up with a reason that made sense.  Then a few months later my husband called me from his dad’s house and he was very excited.  He was helping his father close out the accounts and he discovered I hadn’t cashed my birthday check from my mother-in-law.  Well, if there was one thing Mom couldn’t stand, it was an uncashed check.  I found the check, cashed it, and bought some shoes in honor of her.  Nightmares stopped.

Tomorrow the boys will have their first first-hand experience with death.  They will be sad, frustrated, angry, and then hopefully happy as they remember Brigs as he was, not as the old, hurting dog he became.  I will not let them read Pet Sematary, hell, I can’t read it anymore.  Now that I have young sons, I can’t read it.  I’ll read it again when they are older.  But we will take Uncle Stevie’s words and embrace them.  We will let the pain end and the good memories begin.  Not the end of life but the end of pain.

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Change in social lives

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on February 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Over the past month our sons have gone to birthday parties every weekend.  Six birthday parties.  One of which was today and in honor of our youngest’s upcoming seventh birthday.  He has a summer birthday and we had hoped to have more school friends attend if it was during the school year.  Not true.  Didn’t matter.  He had a blast.

It used to be that I had a social life.  Not so much anymore.  At this exact moment, I am waiting up for the six and a half year old to come home from roller skating with the neighbors.  Our eight year old opted to stay home (he’s still a bit under the weather).  I organized the unbirthday boy’s Pokemon deck with guidance from the older son.  I couldn’t help myself.  I alphabetized them with the health points.

Yep, my sons have more interesting social lives than my husband and me.

When did that happen?

This will be the way of life for the next ten to twelve years.  Then I’ll get my social life back.  Maybe.  If I haven’t become a boring old lady.  That’s the trick now.  To keep myself interesting for the next twelve years.  I have to keep learning new stuff and remember that I have a brain.  Explore new things, keep up with my hobbies.  I really have let my hobbies fall off the radar.  I’ve let a lot of things fall of the radar.  My husband only learned today that I enjoy roller skating.  I told him I would have gone if both boys went tonight.  He didn’t know I even knew how to roller skate.

Maybe he’s got a brand new key.

Update…the six year year old stopped by for a brief moment to tell me he was going out for a sundae.  Am I jealous?  Little bit…

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Date Night

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on February 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »

We had our wonderful annual date night this evening.  Dear friends treat us to a grown-up night out and babysit the boys to boot!  The dinner was lovely and the conversation was uninterrupted by requests for more drinks or someone calling someone a barf-face or poopiehead.  To have adult conversation and keep your train of thought is a beautiful thing.

Scarily enough we also enjoy the fact that on this night we also manage to run errands together!  It’s a pleasure to not have small ones asking for every item they see as we walk through the aisles.  I finally managed to buy the new bath mat.  Now that provided a feeling of accomplishment!

Then we ended the evening sharing a lovely bottle of wine with the wonderful couple who made the grown-up night possible.  Good times, good times.  Very interesting conversation!

 

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If you see your shadow

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , on February 2, 2012| Leave a Comment »

don’t run screaming.  There seem to be a lot of shadows that come out on February 2nd.  With the weather we’ve been having, the groundhog will be sure to see his shadow.  This is usually a time of year that the air is cold and the ground is frozen.  My bulbs are going to start growing soon!

Still, the colds come.  My oldest is down for the count with a lovely cough/congestion/fever-combo.  This always makes a long night for a mom.  You listen to the coughs, you keep an ear open for that faint call of “Mom…”, and you don’t really sleep.  This makes you very tired in the morning when you still have to take your younger, not sick, son to school.  And while you may think you’ll be able to do a little extra cleaning, or reading, or relaxing, you don’t.  Your entire focus is on the little sick one.  I don’t know about you, but when my sons are sick their little baby faces keep flashing in my mind’s eye.  I see them as they were as babies and toddlers, cuddling up to you.  I remember when Mommy was the center of their universe.  Tomorrow I will again be the center of his universe.  I know this  because tonight I was Mommy again instead of Mom.

Obviously I do not like when either of my sons are sick.  But a sick day does mean extra time with them.  Primarily uninterrupted time, when making them my only focus is the top priority of the day.  It brings me back to when I worked from home.  We would read stories or play or just sit together during my break times.  They would cuddle on my lap while I read essays.  As toddlers, they learned their numbers (up to 6) and how to use a computer mouse by clicking on the scores for me.

Tomorrow morning we’ll cuddle in bed, then move the cuddle-fest to the couch to watch cartoons on-demand till our brains turn to mush.  I’ll check his temperature too often, but he’ll say “it’s okay, Mommy”.  We’ll color with crayons, read books, take a little nap.  I will happily hold his 61 pound, 48 inch body on my lap.

We’ll have long conversations about dinosaurs.  We’ll read through his many dinosaur books for the umpteenth time.  Pokemon battles may be unavoidable, but you’re sick, I’ll humor you.  I’ll make him watch The Princess Bride (great movie to watch when one is sick-see “you’re sick, I’ll humor you”).  He’ll get to choose whatever he wants for lunch even if it requires Dad running out somewhere.  And the important life questions will flow freely throughout the day.  They usually get saved for right before bedtime, when I’m tired, but know I can’t rush through the answer because it’s truly important to him.  And it matters more than anything else at that moment.  We’ll even get to spend time together in silence.  Tomorrow Elmo’s blanket will be perfectly acceptable to cuddle.  There will be no discussion about maybe putting his stuffed animals in the attic.  He won’t claim they are his brother’s because tomorrow he’ll need them.

And then as he starts to feel better, I’ll know before I even reach for the thermometer.  I’ll go from Mommy back to Mom.

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Adam & Darwin & Pokemon

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , , on January 30, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Life presents various struggles, dilemmas, and challenges to overcome.  Some are easier than others-deciding which shoes to wear with an outfit or which dessert to have after dinner.  Notice I didn’t write if to have dessert…but which dessert because you only live once and you can enjoy things like dessert in moderation.  Or be gluttonous, really, it’s up to you but live with the choices you make and please don’t whine about them.

Back to challenges.  The challenge I am about to embark on is related to my son’s faith.  Many would say it is his challenge and it is.  However, as his mom I want to help him and be there to guide him.  Since I know nothing about evolutionary theism or any of the variations on the name, I’ve got a lot to learn.  Just by doing a quick google search I have quickly learned that there is controversy surrounding it and I will need to brush up Darwin.  My oldest is grappling with balancing his growing faith in Jesus with his scientific brain.  He asked me the other day who was the first man on earth and I naturally responded Adam.  He looked at me and said, um, Mom, are you sure?  Does that fit within the eras?  I told him we’d have to research it.

Now I get to start researching it.  I have to start before him because he will advance beyond me in no time.  Evolution is everywhere.  The Pokemon world has it.  The cards evolve to stronger forms.  My youngest son is having his unbirthday party this weekend.  “The Amazing World of Gumball” is the theme.  One of the characters is named Darwin.  It’s a fish with legs.  I was trying to explain to my youngest why that is funny but he is six-evolutionary theory is a rather large topic.

Add into the mix blending that with theology and it makes my head hurt.  My head will have to hurt because my oldest is still walking his road toward baptism.  He’s been asking about baptism in the same breath he’s been asking about who was the first man.  I have not explicitly asked him yet if he is trying to find a balance because I want to be able to answer him with more than just “We’ll ask Pastor Ed.”  Trust me-we will ask Pastor Ed, but I want my son to know that I will be on the journey with him.  I want to be able to field questions from my younger son too.  He usually joins in on the conversations once he notices the level of intensity.

My youngest noticed his big brother in church on Sunday.  He realized big bro was participating in the service.  I think when he heard “Gloria Patri” he put together that the song his big bro keeps singing at bedtime came from church.

So tomorrow I will take a break during work and go to the big old library and get a book or two.  I’ll search the databases for some current information as well.  Let the learning begin.

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Living at the speed of a six year old

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , on January 26, 2012| Leave a Comment »

This evening, against my better judgement, the boys and I left the house at 7:10 to go to Toys R Us to get gifts for this weekend’s birthday parties and Pokemon cards for them.  They each had their allowances and were desperate to get more cards.  The plan was to stop at Burger King on the way home.  All went well on the trip, but we didn’t get home till 8:30…their bedtime.

We ate, we had a great family dinner, filling our tummies with Whoppers and our ears with tales of the day.  Then the boys started getting ready for bed as I reviewed their school work and homework.  That’s when I discovered my youngest still had reading to complete.

The oldest went off to brush teeth and do various bedtime stuff.  My other son and I sat down on the couch so he could read me “Snakes”, a non-fiction story.  In my mind, I was thinking, ‘okay, read it quickly, you need to brush your teeth, I’m going on the field trip with your brother tomorrow, we need to get to bed, read quickly…” which goes completely against every fiber in my being since I’m a reading specialist.  But…

Then a beautiful thing happened.  My son brought me into his world and I was living at the speed of a six year old.  He found something interesting on every page.  He pointed out the egg tooth on the baby snake.  He pondered which would be the better pet-a snake or a bearded dragon.  He wondered if he would ever have both.  He examined the scales on the skin.  He questioned where the snake’s ear was hidden (since we can’t see them).  He admired their eyes.

We studied the snakes…at his pace, in his time.

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Brigs’ second brain

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , on January 24, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Tonight I was a very good doggy mommy and cleaned the utterly gross growths on Brigs’ head and shoulder.  He wanted nothing to do with me poking around his second brain.  Noises were made and I treaded lightly.  The one on his leg/shoulder area he didn’t mind as much.  He let me clean it pretty well (not great, but it’s a start).  I also put the antibiotic cream on it.  I put it on a paper towel and then put it on him.  I could not stomach touching it.

I’ve stomached a lot over the years with Brigs, but without going into too much detail, this is grosser than I can handle.  There are other issues, loss of bowel control, that are actually easier to deal with because you just have to pick that up and throw it away!

This can’t be picked up and thrown away.  When do you decide your beloved pet has dealt with enough?

Last night, as we were discussing our options with Brigs, to prepare the boys for the inevitable, the boys asked when.  I said I didn’t know when, that it would depend on how he keeps doing.  My youngest became very thoughtful and then said, “How about March?”  I blinked at him for about a minute, wondering how could a six year old choose something so readily?  He explained that his unbirthday school party is in February, and his brother’s unbirthday school party is in April, so it would be okay to be sad in March.  Ah, the logic of a six year old boy.

I don’t know what we’ll do or when we’ll do it.  I just hope it gets easier to clean his brain.

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Brigadoon and 100 years

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on January 23, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Oh bloody hell…just wrote a post about my dog and it got lost as it got published.  I’ll try it again.

The weather was very Scottish today…a good day to think of Brigadoon.   He’s not 100 years old, he’s in his mid-60s in people years.  He has diabetes, thyroid issues, arthritis, his one eye is sinking in a wee bit, he has growths in various spots, and one large fat growth on his shoulder that makes him look like Quasimodo.  He ain’t heavy, he’s my doggy.

Okay, he is heavy.  He weighs in at 100 pounds (he lost ten pounds over three years).  He is such a good dog.  He was already four when our first son was born and he adapted to the boys wonderfully.  They played with him, cuddled him, colored him with permanent red marker…

The boys aren’t as comfortable with Brigs nowadays.  The one growth on his head is a wee but nasty (we lovingly call it his “second brain”).  When Brigs and I got home from the vet’s office, the boys asked if the vet was going to remove it.  We sat down and had a good, but complicated, conversation.  I explained that Daddy and I decided not to have the growths removed.  Brigs might not wake up from the anesthesia.  The anesthesia would certainly throw off his insulin for a couple of weeks.  He could have hypoglycemic episodes again or slip into a diabetic coma.  He could also have accidents…I remind you this is not a small dog…they would not be small accidents!

We spoke about each of us spending some time with Brigs each day.  He hasn’t been upstairs for a year, so he can’t come to us when he wants the company.  We have to go to him.  I told them if each of us spend a little time each day, we’ll cover the hour he’s awake easily.  I explained that they can pet him all they want because they can’t catch the growths from him.  I also told them not to pet the growths so they won’t irritate them (this was not an issue since there was no way they would ever touch them, but we were covering all the bases).  Tonight was easy because Brigs was totally spent from going to the vet.  Yep, I actually checked he was breathing-he’s that tired.

The thing I’m most concerned about is a big snowstorm.  He just doesn’t have that Gene-Kelly-spring-in-his-step anymore.  I suppose we’ll be shoveling the yard in addition to the sidewalks this winter.  We do so love this dog.

Brigadoon, Brigadoon,
Blooming under sable skies.
Brigadoon, Brigadoon,
There my heart forever lies.
Let the world grow cold around us,
Let the heavens cry above!
Brigadoon, Brigadoon,
In thy valley, there’ll be love!

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