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Posts Tagged ‘family’

The Good Hands of Liberty Mutual

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , on February 10, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I am fortunate enough to have wonderful opportunities of fellowship with my church family.  This evening was our monthly get-together of the 20s-30s group of which I am a welcome interloper since I am neither in my 20s nor my 30s.  I wielded self-control of the tongue like Thor wields his mighty hammer.  Not that we can’t share and contribute to the conversation-that is one of the main hopes of the group, but my brain filled with so many personal connections to the topics that if I hadn’t demonstrated the self-control I would have seemed like an egocentric maniac.

Dreams…what’s your dream?  Part of our discussion this evening and a quote from Pretty Woman.  Dreams are such a part of life.  Songs are written about them, books are written about them, psychics will interpret your dreams from slumber.  One has a dream and that leads to a goal.  Then you work toward it in increments and often the goal is achieved and the dream is realized.  Sometimes not.   But still we dream.

The discussion turned to many topics this evening, but my brain has not finished working through them to share yet.  But there a few thoughts to jot down before memory allows them to slip away.

The idea of seeing something nice and then doing the same for someone else.  We knew it was from an insurance commercial but couldn’t recall which one.  I saw it tonight when I turned on the television.  Liberty Mutual.  How often do you do that?  Not watch the insurance commercial, but spread a little sunshine.  It is one of the simplest ways to share kindness and make the world a wee bit friendlier.

We also talked about the image of the “good hands”.  We’ve discussed that image before in relationship to ways we may picture God.  I do like the image of God’s large hands keeping me safe-truly the good hands. Good hands there to comfort you in sadness, cheer with you in times of accomplishment, pray with you in times of questioning.  But we also mentioned Allstate.

Is this group obsessed with insurance?  No.  But insurance companies play upon the craving for safety that is a part of the human existence.  The first two levels of Maslow’s hierarchy deal with safety.  We crave it.  We don’t aspire to the “fun” stuff like dreams and aspirations until we have satisfied our need for safety.  Once those aspects of life are secured (or at least as secured as those things can be), then we can jump in with both feet running toward our dreams.

It was fun to think about Maslow.  I also got to think about Vygotsky tonight.  It was discussed that growth comes from frustration or challenges.  Hee hee…the inner geek in me thought about the zone of proximal development.  One of my favorite theories that I love learning about.  The exploration of its application in my life and life in general frequently fills my mind.  I love the opportunities presented to me to be the more knowledgeable other (MKO).  But even more exciting is when I’m in the zone and I find the more knowledgeable other in the most random of places.  Many times the MKO is easy to find.  If I have to figure out the increase in percentages, I go to my boss and we think it through together (she’s stronger in math than me…the MKO).  If I need to hang something straight, I turn to my hubby because I have no sense of depth perception and hang everything crooked (though it looks great to me!).  I seek guidance from my husband, my pastor, my folks, my friends, but sometimes the guidance I need comes from my sons.  Or someplace or someone I cannot even guess.

Tonight I will slumber and most likely dream.  Perhaps one of those dreams will lead to a dream for my waking hours.  I think people have better days with a dream in their minds.  Dreams speak of future, of possibilities, of hope.  And as Uncle Stevie had Andy Dufresne say, “hope is a good thing.”

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Uncle Stevie comes to the rescue

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , , on February 6, 2012| 2 Comments »

“May be she’ll learn something about what death really is, which is where the pain stops and the good memories begin. Not the end of life but the end of pain.”
― Stephen King, Pet Sematary

The first dog I had was named Tasha.  She was a fox terrier.  The curly, or wire-haired, type.  She was adorable.  She lived till the ripe old age of ten.  When she went, it was the first experience I had with losing someone close to me.  Yes, she was a dog.  I do differentiate between humans and animals, but she was the first living creature I had seen every day from the age of two to pass.  Now, at the age of twelve, I didn’t get to see her anymore.  Pets do so much in a person’s life.  For all the many years you live with them, they fill your days with happiness, laughter, and good times, good times.

At the end there is pain.  But the pain you feel disappears just as Uncle Stevie wrote.  The good memories begin.  Tasha was a fun dog who let me dress her up in doll clothes and she would sit in the doll stroller.  She had a lot of patience with me.  As she got older, she gained weight (don’t we all?) and spent more time sleeping (don’t we all?).  When her time came, it sucked.  I cried and it made me mad that she couldn’t live forever.  It was not the first time I had experienced death, but I hadn’t known the relatives who had died, they weren’t a part of my daily existence so I really didn’t notice (at that young age) any change now that they were gone.  I noticed that my dog was no longer there.

Now that I’m older I realize that with the passing of the relatives, it does impact my daily existence.  As each generation passes, you move up one.  You take on new familial responsibilities.  Perhaps not overtly, not things you notice every day, but overall you move up in the family tree.  You have more branches growing and suddenly you are the one who is supposed to fill in the names in the book.

I think that’s why pets are a good thing for a family.  They help you to learn about loving unconditionally and how to grieve when the time comes.  It does not make the loss of a loved one any easier, but you have an understanding of the grieving process.  You understand the feelings of anger, frustration, sadness.  The experience of not being able to do a damn thing more than what you tried already.

Tomorrow the second dog I have loved will be with us no more.  Brigs is twelve and has been in a lot of pain the past year or so.  More than we probably realized, more than he may have shown until quite recently.  And it is time.  Our youngest is afraid of the growth on his head and our oldest recites a little mantra before he goes downstairs to visit him.  It’s hard for me to look at this beautiful dog with the memories of his happy, fun life in my head while he struggles to stand up.  Brigs hasn’t been upstairs for a year-he can’t handle walking up or down the stairs.  He’s been on thyroid meds for five years and insulin twice a day for three years.  There is a litany of issues this sweet dog has been dealing with but that’s not the part to focus on now.

Tomorrow we will learn about where the pain stops and the good memories begin.  Like when he ate my husband’s underwear.  Or ate the chocolate.  Or ate his flea collar.  Or ate half a dozen dog beds, including one that was obscenely expensive and guaranteed to be chew proof.  He ripped that thing apart, stuffing everywhere, within twelve hours.  I called the company and the very nice guy on the phone asked if the bed had arrived.  I told him yes.  He asked if my dog, Brigadoon (I splurged for the embroidered name if memory serves), liked the bed.  I told him he thought it was delicious and did they mean it when they said it was guaranteed?  He asked how long the bed lasted and I told him it didn’t make it through the night.  They happily refunded my money.  Anything he could eat, he did.  Brigs still has an iron stomach.  The rest of him just doesn’t work so well.

Once he ate the boys’ crayons.  Very colorful poop.

He’s allergic to acorns.  They cause him to have convulsions.  He has never been able to enjoy our shady back yard because the two oak trees drop lots of acorns and he thinks the acorns are kibble.  Silly dog.

We’ll think about the time the boys colored him with the red magic marker.  We’ll think about the “puppy Olympics” he would do in the house.  He would run from one end of the house to the other as fast as he could and jump up on the chaise at the one end.  We had a perfect mold of his ass in the wall from where he slammed into it over and over again.  I have the sheet rock to repair the wall.  I’ve had it for over a year.  Just can’t bring myself to repair it.

In their young lives, the boys have lost two cats.  They have vague memories of the experience.  When their grandmother, my wonderful mother-in-law, passed, we told them about it but didn’t have them experience the viewing or funeral.  They were too young.  Hell, I had nightmares for months after she passed.

It didn’t make sense.  I loved her and we got along really well.  Why would she be chasing me in my dreams?  Had she not really liked me?  It haunted me for months.  My husband and I discussed what could be causing the nightmares but couldn’t come up with a reason that made sense.  Then a few months later my husband called me from his dad’s house and he was very excited.  He was helping his father close out the accounts and he discovered I hadn’t cashed my birthday check from my mother-in-law.  Well, if there was one thing Mom couldn’t stand, it was an uncashed check.  I found the check, cashed it, and bought some shoes in honor of her.  Nightmares stopped.

Tomorrow the boys will have their first first-hand experience with death.  They will be sad, frustrated, angry, and then hopefully happy as they remember Brigs as he was, not as the old, hurting dog he became.  I will not let them read Pet Sematary, hell, I can’t read it anymore.  Now that I have young sons, I can’t read it.  I’ll read it again when they are older.  But we will take Uncle Stevie’s words and embrace them.  We will let the pain end and the good memories begin.  Not the end of life but the end of pain.

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Change in social lives

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on February 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Over the past month our sons have gone to birthday parties every weekend.  Six birthday parties.  One of which was today and in honor of our youngest’s upcoming seventh birthday.  He has a summer birthday and we had hoped to have more school friends attend if it was during the school year.  Not true.  Didn’t matter.  He had a blast.

It used to be that I had a social life.  Not so much anymore.  At this exact moment, I am waiting up for the six and a half year old to come home from roller skating with the neighbors.  Our eight year old opted to stay home (he’s still a bit under the weather).  I organized the unbirthday boy’s Pokemon deck with guidance from the older son.  I couldn’t help myself.  I alphabetized them with the health points.

Yep, my sons have more interesting social lives than my husband and me.

When did that happen?

This will be the way of life for the next ten to twelve years.  Then I’ll get my social life back.  Maybe.  If I haven’t become a boring old lady.  That’s the trick now.  To keep myself interesting for the next twelve years.  I have to keep learning new stuff and remember that I have a brain.  Explore new things, keep up with my hobbies.  I really have let my hobbies fall off the radar.  I’ve let a lot of things fall of the radar.  My husband only learned today that I enjoy roller skating.  I told him I would have gone if both boys went tonight.  He didn’t know I even knew how to roller skate.

Maybe he’s got a brand new key.

Update…the six year year old stopped by for a brief moment to tell me he was going out for a sundae.  Am I jealous?  Little bit…

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Date Night

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on February 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »

We had our wonderful annual date night this evening.  Dear friends treat us to a grown-up night out and babysit the boys to boot!  The dinner was lovely and the conversation was uninterrupted by requests for more drinks or someone calling someone a barf-face or poopiehead.  To have adult conversation and keep your train of thought is a beautiful thing.

Scarily enough we also enjoy the fact that on this night we also manage to run errands together!  It’s a pleasure to not have small ones asking for every item they see as we walk through the aisles.  I finally managed to buy the new bath mat.  Now that provided a feeling of accomplishment!

Then we ended the evening sharing a lovely bottle of wine with the wonderful couple who made the grown-up night possible.  Good times, good times.  Very interesting conversation!

 

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If you see your shadow

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , on February 2, 2012| Leave a Comment »

don’t run screaming.  There seem to be a lot of shadows that come out on February 2nd.  With the weather we’ve been having, the groundhog will be sure to see his shadow.  This is usually a time of year that the air is cold and the ground is frozen.  My bulbs are going to start growing soon!

Still, the colds come.  My oldest is down for the count with a lovely cough/congestion/fever-combo.  This always makes a long night for a mom.  You listen to the coughs, you keep an ear open for that faint call of “Mom…”, and you don’t really sleep.  This makes you very tired in the morning when you still have to take your younger, not sick, son to school.  And while you may think you’ll be able to do a little extra cleaning, or reading, or relaxing, you don’t.  Your entire focus is on the little sick one.  I don’t know about you, but when my sons are sick their little baby faces keep flashing in my mind’s eye.  I see them as they were as babies and toddlers, cuddling up to you.  I remember when Mommy was the center of their universe.  Tomorrow I will again be the center of his universe.  I know this  because tonight I was Mommy again instead of Mom.

Obviously I do not like when either of my sons are sick.  But a sick day does mean extra time with them.  Primarily uninterrupted time, when making them my only focus is the top priority of the day.  It brings me back to when I worked from home.  We would read stories or play or just sit together during my break times.  They would cuddle on my lap while I read essays.  As toddlers, they learned their numbers (up to 6) and how to use a computer mouse by clicking on the scores for me.

Tomorrow morning we’ll cuddle in bed, then move the cuddle-fest to the couch to watch cartoons on-demand till our brains turn to mush.  I’ll check his temperature too often, but he’ll say “it’s okay, Mommy”.  We’ll color with crayons, read books, take a little nap.  I will happily hold his 61 pound, 48 inch body on my lap.

We’ll have long conversations about dinosaurs.  We’ll read through his many dinosaur books for the umpteenth time.  Pokemon battles may be unavoidable, but you’re sick, I’ll humor you.  I’ll make him watch The Princess Bride (great movie to watch when one is sick-see “you’re sick, I’ll humor you”).  He’ll get to choose whatever he wants for lunch even if it requires Dad running out somewhere.  And the important life questions will flow freely throughout the day.  They usually get saved for right before bedtime, when I’m tired, but know I can’t rush through the answer because it’s truly important to him.  And it matters more than anything else at that moment.  We’ll even get to spend time together in silence.  Tomorrow Elmo’s blanket will be perfectly acceptable to cuddle.  There will be no discussion about maybe putting his stuffed animals in the attic.  He won’t claim they are his brother’s because tomorrow he’ll need them.

And then as he starts to feel better, I’ll know before I even reach for the thermometer.  I’ll go from Mommy back to Mom.

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Knowing when to do nothing

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on January 14, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Today I had a lovely time at my niece’s bridal shower.  She was truly surprised and had a wonderful day surrounded by women who love her.  My hubby got to spend the day with our sons at a birthday party (in the morning) and then playing Polar Bowling on the computer.  The great feat of the day was teaching our oldest how to sing Three Stooges “Swinging the Alphabet.”

It was a lovely day and I really enjoyed the company at the shower.  I am also practicing a new skill today.  Knowing when to do nothing.  I’m relaxing the rest of the evening and watching a movie.  Doing nothing.

Hope you do nothing tonight too.

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When dinosaurs ruled the earth

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , on January 10, 2012| Leave a Comment »

What a wonderful day in Philly.  The boys loved the Franklin Institute.  The dinosaur exhibit was really great.  The promo stuff for the exhibit said you would learn about dinosaurs you never knew about.  Well, not so much.  I think there were two skeletons the boys didn’t know.  The others…not so new.  The boys enjoyed digging in the excavation pit and finding fossils.  They loved seeing the full-sized dinosaur fossils and hearing the sounds.  They loved seeing the Giganotosaurus.

There was a table with a Velociraptor skull, a T-Rex tooth, and some other fossils.  There was a volunteer there to explain the items.  The boys had a lovely conversation with her before going to the pit to dig.  After they walked away, she asked me what grade they were in and I told her third and first.  She then said how very impressed she was with them.  She said they were very knowledgeable for being so young. Made the mama proud.

As we were leaving the exhibit, an employee explained that there was no re-entry.  I asked the boys if there was anything they wanted to see again and our oldest said he wanted to see the Giganotosaurus again.  The boys ran off and the employees said they couldn’t believe how easily he said the word Giganotosaurus, “it rolled off the tongue”.  I can’t even say it easily.  They really do love dinosaurs and have learned so much about them.  It’s amazing how much they know.  It truly blows me away.

We saw the movie “Waking the T-Rex”.  The narration included the story of Sue, the most intact T-Rex skeleton found, and a lot of information about the process of a dig.  Our oldest was giddy watching it and learning behind the scenes stuff about digs.  I enjoyed learning about the process.  Even on film, it’s quite a rush, as the one paleontologist said.

The boys loved the other exhibits as well.  The heart was a little bit scary the first time they went through it, but by the tenth time they were simply being giant goofballs.  They liked the trains, the electricity (except for the shocks!), the space command, and the building itself.  They both thought the building was just a little bit creepy, as many old buildings are.  It is such a beautiful architecture.  I love the pendulum staircase and the Escher-esque stairs.

It was truly a beautiful day with my family.

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If only I had gotten into Pokemon

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , on January 5, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Remember when you were in elementary school and the latest fad was the MOST important thing in the world?  Do you remember when you weren’t able to get the fad?  When your folks said no.  They told you how it was a fad and it would pass and they weren’t spending their hard-earned money on a trendy fad?  I remember.  While my parents didn’t always say no, it’s easier to recall the feeling of being denied the item than what the item I desperately needed was.  I do remember the trends I got…Rubik’s cube (never did master that), scratch & sniff stickers (why?), Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots (still cool to this day).  I remember I wanted more mood rings, Madlibs, and Atari games.

At the time, I wished I could spend even more time at the mall.  In hindsight, thank you, Mom, for limiting that.  If I only had listened to her about not spending all of my money there too.  Parents have to set limits and restrict the number of trendy fads children get obsessed with. It helps them build character, resist total conformity, and maintain an individual perspective.

Still…my sons really wanted more Pokemon cards.  First, I find it difficult to believe that Pokemon is still as popular as it was in the ’90s.  I totally missed the boat on being into them.  But wow-are my sons into them.  They have each been walking around with their dozen or so cards, learning the lingo, and drooling over the kids who have hundreds of cards.  I don’t want them to conform to everything in society, but learning trading, math, and the rules of Pokemon do help with social norming (or at least that’s what I’m telling myself).  The different characters are sort of cool.  My sons saved up their coins toward more cards.  The oldest had enough money for another ten pack and even gave the extra two dollars (I want my two dollars…) to his younger brother for his Pokemon fund.  This was a generous action on the part of the eight-year-old.  He was actually almost half way to another pack for himself with those two dollars (I want my two dollars…).

So we went to Toys-R-Us this evening.  They carefully deliberated over the different packs they could choose from.  Each made a selection.  I pointed out they could pool their money and buy a multi-set with an extra pack and foil card.  They quickly did the math and said they didn’t have enough money together to buy it.  I offered to make up the difference.  The types of packs they had chosen were in the mulit-set.  They agreed to pool their money and split the third pack, with the younger son getting the foil card since he had fewer cards to begin with.

I grabbed an extra ten pack as a surprise bonus.  The very patient lady helped count out their coins.  I think she enjoyed the old-school, going to Woolworth’s feel of the purchase.  In the car, they split the extra bonus pack, with no quarrels.  They were complimentary to each other about their choices.  They were little men.  It was adorable.

After dinner they carefully sorted their cards and compared how many health points each had.

I will monitor the trends and fads.  I will help them choose wisely.  They won’t always hear no…they won’t always hear yes.  But hopefully the warmth they feel when we do say yes will linger throughout the years.

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Monster Trucks

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on January 5, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I cannot believe it.  I will be attending Monster Jam tomorrow evening.  To me, this demonstrates the impact of living in south Jersey.  When my sons first expressed their adoration of Grave Digger, I tried to be calm about it.  It continued to grow.  We have several Grave Digger toys in our home.  Our youngest adores this truck.  Clearly, he was attracted to the name and the skull.  While he may only be six, he has embraced the art of the morbid and macabre.  The attraction to a giant truck named Grave Digger that runs over other vehicles was naturally going to occur.

I cannot as of yet understand the entertainment value of large decorated trucks running over other vehicles.  I can see how my sons would find this fun so I am keeping an open mind.  Perhaps I will love it.  What a lovely way of getting out aggression and frustration.  When I need to do that, I crush an Oreo.  It makes me feel better because I love Oreos.  And I don’t have the benefit of having a monster truck in my driveway that I can roll over stuff with.

Still, when my co-worker read the email about the radio station at work giving away free tickets for Monster Jam, I was on the phone in a heartbeat.  The chance to let my sons experience Grave Digger at no cost to me was too good to pass up.  If the boys hate it, no biggie.  If they love it, I’ll know to prepare for many more evenings spent with the Monster Trucks.  Hey, House likes it.

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Rotten bananas

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , on January 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Bananas are about the best fruit in the world.  When ripe, we use them in so many ways: sliced on top of cereal, banana split sundae, funky monkey bread, as a delicious stand-alone fruit snack.  This can be said of many fruits.  But I ask you this: how many fruits do we get equally excited about when they are just about rotten?

Almost-rotten bananas make lovely banana bread…or as I recently snacked on courtesy of a friend at work…lovely banana chocolate chip cookies.  Not a lot of things have a second life upon rotting.

What other things in life get a second life?  We all love to donate our goods to various charities because it’s the socially acceptable thing to do.  Reuse, recycle.  Find another use for an item.  I feel though as if our society is missing the bigger picture.  We didn’t waste as much before.  We were more resourceful.  Now we recycle yet so many things have become disposable.

Imagine if we went fully back to the idea of local.  A dairy farm in every area.  Reusable glass bottles versus the plastic gallon jugs.  Local farms, butchers, small-town doctors.  I feel like other countries get this idea and haven’t over-expanded as we have.  We are so hung up on status, stuff, and schedules.  I have less and less interest in this type of existence.

Yet at the same time I’m planning to take my sons to the store tomorrow so they can get Pokemon cards.  Where is the balance?  How do I keep my sons’ priorities balanced?  How do I keep my own priorities balanced?  Where is the place between ripe and rotten?

I’d love to stumble upon the answers but I am not that smart.  All I can do is remember that one is enough for anyone and let that guide the choices I make regarding the material things in life.  Little by little I whittle down the “stuff” we have placing the focus on needs and a few wants.  It’s tough to keep that focus.  The boys float from craze to craze, fad to fad, ripe banana to rotten banana.

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