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My Lunch with the Younger Generation

Posted in My lunch with..., tagged , , , , , , , on March 31, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I want to have lunch with the younger generation.  I want them to turn off their cell phones and not text while we’re having this lunch.  That will be the biggest challenge-to convince them that they don’t have to be connected for the hour we would spend eating together.  I worry about them.  What do they talk about?  What do they text?

The classic films are lost…the movies today are okay, don’t get me wrong.  Still, do they know that the movies of today wouldn’t be possible without the classics that came before them?  The filming of yesteryear set the tone for so many of the accomplishments made in film-making today.  I think back to Song of the South and Mary Poppins…putting people into animation.  This made Who Framed Roger Rabbit possible-putting animation into live-action.  The classic musicals created so many cultural moments.  Singin’ in the Rain, Hello Dolly, Brigadoon, On the Town.

Even classic children’s literature is falling to the wayside.  My sons have read only one American Tall Tale in school.  I make sure at home that they read a variety of Tall Tales.  We also read Aesop’s Fables, Hans Christian Andersen.  Of course, we’re still in our Grimm phase.  We read “Little Snow White” last night.  The text is full of such rich words and vibrant images.  These pieces of literature help children develop their imaginations and learn about the basics of crafting a story.

Music is different too.  I know, I know, I sound like that stereotypical old person (no, I’m not old…) “back in my day” but I’m serious.  Someone said to me recently that in a class about the history of rock he had just learned about a band called The Queen or something like that.  I said do you mean Queen?  He said, yeah, yeah, that’s the name.  Now obviously I’m biased about that particular band, but how does one get to their 20s and not know Queen?  Or the major shifts in music and how each change brought about new genres.  Why do youngins need to take a class to learn this stuff?  I suppose the radio is no longer in existence in their worlds…did “Radio Gaga” and “Video Killed the Radio Star” really come to pass?

I know there are cycles to culture.  I know the pendulum will swing back again.  I know it’s ironic that I’m posting this on the internet, one of the causes in this shift.  Why and how do they feel the need to be connected all the time?  I have survived for so long without being connected 24/7.  Yet so often I sit with people of the younger generation who cannot turn off their phone or tablet or the soon-to-be archaic laptop.  Radios don’t matter, they have 8,000 songs programmed on the teeny-tiny player.

If you are a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, friend of someone younger than 25, take them somewhere and make them disconnect.  Help them experience life with a person and not an electronic device.  I’m battling right now with my sons.  They are obsessed with the telly and on-demand.  They can’t get enough of the computer and online video games (based on the shows from the telly).  It’s ridiculous.  They get so angry when I say no.  So I say no more frequently.  When they don’t get angry anymore, I won’t have to say no as much.

Tomorrow night is the Earth Hour at 8:30pm.  Turn off your lights, phones, tablets, computers, any and all electronic devices and devices charged by electricity.  Talk to each other.  Laugh with each other.  Tell ghost stories.  Inspire each other.  Sing “Hello Dolly” or “Dream On” or “Radio Gaga”.  Go ahead, sing it with the clapping.  Or go for “We Will Rock You” with the clap/clap/stomp.  Go for it.  Turn off everything and be connected the old-fashioned way.

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Thoughtful

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , on February 20, 2012| Leave a Comment »

We don’t take enough time to think anymore.  To simply sit and be thoughtful about matters.  We rush through our days and possibly take stock at the end of the night as we brush our teeth.  I suggest that thought may only happen when brushing teeth since one’s mouth is full and talking becomes ridiculous.  Not impossible, but silly sounding!

In the heat of a moment choices can be made.  Without thinking it through, without making a thoughtful decision, a choice may come across very differently than one intended.  A person might think that what he is doing is making things simple for the others involved, but then it comes across to the others as having a deeper meaning.

When you are the recipient of such a situation, you need to be thoughtful about your response.

Tonight I will be thoughtful.  I will reflect on a series of events that span the past few months, perhaps the past year.  I will see where I stand after being thoughtful.  Then I will decide where to go with it next.  It may take more than just tonight.  It may take a while.  Because the action that may have been seen as simple was rather hurtful, at least with how the enclosed note read.

If only I had been more thoughtful and not thrown the note out.  But it hurt to read it.  Didn’t want to keep that around.

Thoughtful times are all that’s left to help me.  I will try to view things from the other perspective and hope the same is being done to understand my perspective.  And there is the gift of time.  Time softens things, makes the memories blurry.  Time lessens the importance I am placing on things today.  The perspective will be different tomorrow.

Treat yourself to a quiet time tomorrow to sit and be thoughtful. To reflect on the important people and projects in your life.  Be thoughtful of what you have done lately and what you want or need to do.

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Just in case you forgot

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , on February 16, 2012| 2 Comments »

It seems for me that whenever I’m ready to plop myself down and dig into a deep and wide pity party, God lovingly smacks me across the face and says, “Snap out of it.”  I have had a blessed life.  Yes, I have had my own challenges to deal with and battle and overcome.  Some more intense than what others may have faced in their lives, but every challenge has had an outcome of me growing stronger or learning a new way to live my life.  I’ve been mighty whiny in some of my posts the past few months.  (Sorry, but then again, it is my blog.  I get to decide what I’m going to write about, though I truly appreciate you reading my whiny posts).  I also believe that the challenges I face in my life are totally valid and not any less of a challenge because of other events, but those events offer perspective and help me move forward.

A tragic accident occurred this morning in the town where my husband grew up.  My father-in-law lives there still.  We worship at church there every week.  I’m on one the boards of this church because that’s my church family and I believe I can be of some use in this capacity.  We got married there, we were both baptized there, I pray my sons will one day be baptized there.  So while I’ve never lived in this town, my heart weeps this evening.  A family has lost a child.  I can’t even write about that because I can’t fathom how that must rip one’s soul out.  My heart , my prayers, are with the family.  I have friends who lost a child and I am constantly in awe of their strength and love and patience to grow from it and to embrace their family close to their hearts with their child always in their hearts, with lots of love and hope.  I hope for the family who is living that tragedy today that they are able to find their love and strength as my friends did, do, and will.

This is the perspective.  This is what makes me write what I wrote above.  I can’t get the image of Cher out of my mind.  Remember in the movie Moonstruck, she slaps Nic Cage and says “Snap out of it.”  That’s what God does to me every once in a while when I get stupidly stuck in my own experience without looking out to the world to connect to the larger world.  To see Him weeping at some awful tragedy that has happened.  To challenge me to think of ways I could help the world rather than sit and whine at a pity party.

I hugged my sons nice and tight tonight.  I smiled as I heard them saying their prayers.  I thanked God for my blessings.  I asked for comfort and grace for the town of Chesterfield.

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Date Night

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , on February 15, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I had a date this evening with an incredibly handsome young man.  He’s a little shorter than 4 feet, has dirty blond hair, and these blue eyes surrounded by the most amazing (girls are jealous because they need mascara to get these) eyelashes.  I even told my husband about the date.  He was jealous, but he let this young charmer spend the time with me.

My youngest was sick yesterday with a little stomach virus (no, not the norovirus).  We spent the whole day together.  Still, evening came and the boys were tucked into bed.  A few minutes later I heard the footsteps coming down the hallway.  Ah, my youngest, with tears streaming down his face.  He claimed to still be sick (he was using some of those brains in a most manipulative way).  After some deep conversation, the problem was identified.  He wanted more time with Mommy-without the big brother making the choices.  Ah, the root of the issue.

Birth order impacts each person greatly over the course of their lives.  When my hubby and I were gearing up to get married we attended premarital counseling.  It was awesome.  Part of it was to explore our families of origin and how they would impact the family that we were building.  You learn a lot when you look at your family objectively and identify the “roles” you are assigned.  Part of this process helped discover that as a middle child, I knew I would prefer to only have two children.  I also discovered a goal created from being a second child because I know what it’s like to live in the shadow of the older sibling.

There are very few pictures of me as a child.  My interests were echoes of my older sibling’s choices.  My schedule was often dictated by my older sibling’s many because he started his stuff before I did.  Age trumped beauty, I like to think.  😉

Anyhoo, I knew I would not let my second child wonder where were all his pictures.  No, I do not harbor deep feelings of anger toward my folks. Actually, I tease my mother about it.  At least I hope she knows I’m teasing.  But I am intentional in my efforts to level the playing field.  Still, my youngest is beginning to express his discontent about the rank of his big bro.  Big brothers do tend to boss the younger ones around.  It happens rather naturally.  But I believe in nature and nurture.

Tonight’s date included his choice of movie and no big brother.  Big brother was eventually invited to join us and then nature stepped in the picture.  We were watching School House Rock (oh, yeah, Mom was pleased with the choice) and the oldest was trying to tell his brother which one to pick next.  I’m sure you can guess the drama that followed.

Older brother really didn’t like not being the one to make the choices.  He burst into tears because “it’s not about me.”  He was quite troubled by someone else being in control.  The younger brother was delirious with the power.  Pinching was involved.  Parental speeches that echoed the speeches of Mike and Carol were delivered.  Hugs were given.  This was the first step on the road to a more balanced control of power between the brothers.  It will take many steps.  And many more Brady Bunch speeches.

All this generated an interesting declaration at bedtime.  The oldest stated that dad must be the boss of mom, mom the boss of oldest son, and oldest son boss of youngest son.  Whoa.  I quickly corrected him that Dad is not the boss of Mom.  That husbands and wives are partners.  And siblings are not bosses of each other, not are they their keepers.  The complexity of relationships will be explored for decades by these boys.  Of course, their mom is still working on relationships.  That’s the best thing I could teach them about relationships.  They always change and you never become a master at them.  You always work at them and sometimes they are beyond your control.  The only control you sometimes have is to let go of them as gracefully as you can.  And even then you’ll stumble.

Date night.  Way more than I expected.

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Date Night

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on February 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »

We had our wonderful annual date night this evening.  Dear friends treat us to a grown-up night out and babysit the boys to boot!  The dinner was lovely and the conversation was uninterrupted by requests for more drinks or someone calling someone a barf-face or poopiehead.  To have adult conversation and keep your train of thought is a beautiful thing.

Scarily enough we also enjoy the fact that on this night we also manage to run errands together!  It’s a pleasure to not have small ones asking for every item they see as we walk through the aisles.  I finally managed to buy the new bath mat.  Now that provided a feeling of accomplishment!

Then we ended the evening sharing a lovely bottle of wine with the wonderful couple who made the grown-up night possible.  Good times, good times.  Very interesting conversation!

 

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I can’t resist

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 5, 2011| 1 Comment »

My six year old said during dinner this evening, “I can’t resist food…it’s just too good.”  Monday night is pizza night.  It used to be on Friday nights, but I don’t mind making dinner on Friday night, I have the time.  Monday night is chaotic, so we switched pizza night.  They truly couldn’t resist.  They polished off their pizza and started attacking the parents’ pizza.  They also ate half the bread sticks.  He was right, he can’t resist.

And now a question.  (It’s an interrogative statement seeking knowledge, but that’s not important right now.) Who is Coupon Suzy and why must she invade my world so often?  They are awful commercials.  Highly annoying lady.

Charlie Brown is on and memories of childhood come flooding in to my mind.  “Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you’re the Charlie Browniest.”   The cartoons of today don’t seem to have the staying power of the old ones.  The classic Christmas shows are on every year, but I don’t know that the Shrek one will last for forty or fifty years of annual showings.

The classic is, of course, The Year without a Santa Claus…Heat Miser and Snow Miser…I’m too much!

The Peanuts gang is tackling some serious issues.  Phobias, depression, the need for real estate, the over-commercialization of holidays.  Plus they pepper it with historical references (the Red Baron, no, not the pizza…Baron Manfred von Richthofen).  You know how they balance all the world pressures?  Their deep appreciation for culture.  I dare you to watch them dancing to Schroeder tickling those ivories and not stand up to join them.  Love the way they dance mostly because I can dance like them.  It’s a very free dance style, when one didn’t care about how one looked while dancing.  It’s like the way Phoebe ran (see the Friends episode).

No matter what religion you have faith in, even if you don’t follow religion, one thing about Christmas-time is universal.  It can bring out each person’s childlike wonder in the world.  It can help each person to remember to simply be nice, every day of the year this is possible, but somehow each year at this season, it seems a little easier to do.  Yeah, it’s the Dickens in me.  Yes, it is a wonderful life.

Winter is a time for shedding the old and looking to the future for a new way.  Perhaps you do live each day in the past, present, and future.  If you do, you can renew your energies during the winter season, flowering in the spring with nature.  If you don’t live each day this way, you can start.  Winter is such a reflective time, the days are shorter and darker and colder.  You can turn inward as you stay indoors.  You can let go of your past yet keep it with you to remind yourself of where you’ve been and where you’re going.  Don’t live for or in the future so much that you miss the moments you are in.  Cherish the present as it truly is a gift.

So as my sons can’t resist pizza, I can’t resist putting my thoughts down, pen to paper, or at least the digital version.  I know most think being called Scrooge is an insult.  But think about it.  Think of how the story ends.  I wouldn’t mind being called Scrooge.  Bah humbug-not to anything-it’s just a fun phrase.

 

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You’ve got a friend

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , , on August 21, 2011| Leave a Comment »

My oldest is worried about how many friends he has.  He wants more friends this year at school.  We talked about why he thinks some of his classmates aren’t “friends”.  He thinks it’s because he goofs off a lot.  When I asked him what he could do about that, he said, “I know, I know, don’t goof off so much.”  Smart kid.

How many friends you have doesn’t really matter, of course.  What matters is how good of a friend you are to others.  Yep,sounds a bit like the wizard.  I have had some really great friends over the years.  Apparently though, I’m not good at keeping the friendship going, the sustaining part of friendship.  I wish I could say I don’t know why, but truly I think I do.  I tend to be rather annoying, clingy, and possessive.  It’s something that I hope I do not teach my sons and yet not teach them to be aloof in the process.  I see bits of me in both of them, obviously since I’m their mom, but one has to contemplate nature versus nurture.  Will my style of nurturing override their natural state of being?  Or do I need to nurture to to try to shape their natural state of being?

My big mistake over the years has usually been to misinterpret the friendship.  The level of importance was not as balanced as I wanted to think.  I thought of myself as more important in the other person’s life than what I was.  My perception and perspective was skewed.  It took me many years to figure this out, but once I did it freed up some space in my brain.  I am a worst-case scenario-ist and so I go over all the possibilities and usually focus on the worst ones.  This creates a higher level of wondering…what did I do, not do, say, or not say that ruined the friendship?  In reality, many of the times it came down to friends being more important to me than I was to them.  This was not their problem, it was mine.  The other big error I would make involved how much I really had in common with the person.  Not necessarily the little things (books, movies, music, interests) but the important stuff-values, priorities, goals.

How do I keep my sons from creating a similar imbalance in their friendships?  All I could say tonight to my son was to be thoughtful, considerate, and remember the other person’s point of view.  I told him he is a wonderful boy, with a lot of neat energy.  I pointed out that he has done a lot of growing up this summer and to begin the school year with a positive attitude.  I also told him that he should be friendly to everyone (and hopefully everyone is friendly back) but that not everyone will be his friend.  And that is okay.

We did a study of a book in Sunday school and during it  we examined friendship.  There were exercises to graph your friends to see where they place within your life, your inner circle out through the acquaintances you have.  I didn’t reach the maximum on any of the circles.  I wonder if that is good or bad or simply me.  I suppose if I didn’t have a strong enough group of friends I would feel “lonely” but I don’t mind being alone.  Does that impact the way I am with friends?

Another thing that I realized over the years is that everyone’s perspective of what is important is so different.  I want to teach that to my sons, help them understand it.  I haven’t figured out how to do that yet without it sounding judgmental or cynical.  Perhaps combining it with a healthy dose of how everyone is usually just doing the best they can, and if they seem grumpy, maybe they are just having a bad day.

Friends are very important in life.  Family is more important still.  Surround my sons with a loving family and the friends will come along.

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