Oh my lanta

Second (or connecting) flight is delayed almost 2 hours. I wanna see my kid!

Older Son is gaining so much independence and knowledge of how to handle life stuff.

And I’m slowly (and I mean slowly) learning that I have to let go of control.

That’s gonna take a shit ton of work, and learning to let go.

While Older Son has about another decade before he has the PhD, I am a paleontologist’s mom.

A sample of his patience with my ignorance.

Lifelong learners. 🙂

Older Son had a safe flight out to Montana yesterday. He is out there with GeoDESLA2019. Super proud of this kid. He’s in his element and I know he’ll learn a lot. Follow the adventure at www.geodesla2019.wordpress.com.

And so it has begun. He flew by himself. He worked his first job this summer. It was at a sleep-away camp so we only saw him on his day off. He’s jumping leaps and bounds in the gaining independence category this summer. Two years…and he’ll be at college.

And so it has begun. Some of his days off were spent with friends, and I barely saw him. He’s learned quite quickly different spending habits when it’s money he worked for. He independently handled the airport, a flight with strangers that at the end of the Montana trip will be friends.

This is all joyful and what parents hope will happen for their children…but, dagnabbit, it flies by.

And so it has begun…Younger Son has started a transformation as well with the change in summer norms. He’s been doing projects around the house, enjoying full control of the PS4, went to both sailing camps, and is in full swing with marching band.

And so it continues. They are both still my babies, always will be my Squid & Jellyfish. Always those two sweet mischievous boys. They know their sappy, emotional mom and so they give hugs when she asks, pose sweetly for pics (and sometimes goofy). They are putting it all together and making connections about this thing called life so beautifully.

And so it has begun that in the not too distant future I will be obsolete from the day to day little things and shift to the bigger picture conversations and questions. And I will embrace that as I have every other moment of their lives. And hold them in my heart always.

So Our House of Chaos has been going along at its normal clip. Marching band has officially started up again (but does it ever really stop, I think not). Older Son started working at his first job (kitchen staff at the camp!) a couple of weeks ago. Younger Son is there this week for sailing camp. So the house is quiet other than the menagerie of animals.

But the thing is I seriously am being haunted by my bro and I wish I could figure out what he’s trying to tell me. Had a dream we were having lunch together, but my mind must have been scared because I got hung up on condiments in the dream, and then realized I was missing time to see Bro, realized it was a dream while in the dream, and woke up.

Heard “Landslide” in the hoagie shop with Younger Son yesterday. Burst into a giant ugly cry. Yes, people noticed. Younger Son was super, cleaned everything up so I could ugly cry my way quickly out the door. Haven’t heard that song on a radio station in over a year.

And then he’s just so in my head and I can’t get him out of it. Still in a bout with the dagnabbit vertigo. Not sleeping well, not eating well.

Just want to have a good night’s sleep. Hoping the mental dump to you, my five or so Gentle Readers, will help.

Debated putting this under “My Lunch with”…but went with Musings….

#adulting #adulthood

So I see these pop up now and then. Posts about being an adult. Often about basic skills of life, cooking, laundry, the day-to-day tasks that adults have had to do since there were adults.

I will tell you the hardest part of being an adult.

Not laughing when the person farts in the stall next to you. Especially at work, but really anywhere.

That, Gentle Readers, is the hardest part of being an adult.

Older Son’s Venom

Super proud of Older Son. He submitted a stop-motion animation short to a student film festival and tonight he walked the red carpet. Four films from his high school were accepted, and two won, though not his. Hubby, Younger Son, and I were there to cheer him on.

After a small celebration (we have the meats), we went home. After Younger Son and I played a few rounds of Connect 4, with me demonstrating how to lose gracefully, we had a good talk about how gracefully Older Son handles not winning or placing at his competitions, like the festival or the talent show. These are important lessons to learn now before they face harder challenges. And they both win and lose with grace and humility.

There were some great short films. Some of them really had a strong way of connecting to people. A lot of interesting ideas and perspectives, a bit like looking into the teenage brain to see how it processes the world.

Congratulations to all the student film-makers!

A couple of pics and a link to the short.

Artists Alike Studios Film Festival

Proud mama moment

Spino 59 Venom


I am enjoying my current circumstances. My work situation is lighter, fewer part time jobs. I get more time with my family. More time to chill. Even when I’m at work, it isn’t filled with stress. It’s quite manageable. In fact, I’m even off my blood pressure medication.

I could be doing tons of crazy stuff with this new time, and I have done stuff (marching band, build ventriloquist dummies). But my current favorite, in this dead of winter, is to do nothing. And not feel guilty while doing nothing. Nor do I think about “all the stuff I should be doing”. It feels great.

I have had time to think about the past few years, process the many changes, events. And have started thinking about the stuff I want to do in my life. Older and Younger Sons are teenagers. As I have always done, I am loving the stage they are in, but I am also very aware that time is fleeting. What do I do when they are off to college?

Now it’s not like it’s tomorrow…but I’m exploring what I still like, what I no longer like and can let go of, and what I still want to do, learn, try.

It’s pretty neato.


This was our eighth year seeing A Christmas Carol performed as a one-man show by Gerald Charles Dickens, great, great grandson of you can guess. It is a fantastic show every time we see it. Mr. Dickens performs all the characters and each one is different, and they even hold conversations. His performance is brilliance. Physically, vocally, emotionally. I literally laugh and cry each year.

This has been a tradition since Bearpaw first gave us tickets in 2011. He saw the play in 2010 and thought we would enjoy it. Clearly we do. A Christmas Carol is in my top three Christmas tales, and I love having shared this live, theatrical experience with my sons. Thank you again, Mr. Dickens!


Bear getting an autograph…

And these are some of my favorite pictures of the boys with Bearpaw. They were taken in 2014, the last time we saw it with Bearpaw.

And even though I always miss Bearpaw a little bit more at this time of year, I celebrate his memory when I remember to “Come in and know me better, man”.


That’s how long it took to get home tonight. I was frustrated because the traffic lady initially said 295 North, because it until recently was 95 North changing to 295 South. But the powers-that-be “fixed” it. The traffic folks are still getting used to it.

Eventually I heard how the accident had clogged up at least four major roads. There was nothing to do but be patient, and leave enough space between the car in front of me, but not too much (or cars would just keep cutting in). It is stressful driving.

I hate driving to begin with. 18 years ago, for eight years, I mostly telecommuted and I was very happy. For the past ten years I have had to deal with driving. And with a commute that isn’t the longest, but it has several spots that make me stressed (to the point of crying).

And it steals so much of my time.


That’s a nice dinner with my family. A massage. A movie. A nap. A load of laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away.


Worrying that someone will rear-end me. That something will go wrong with my car and I’ll back up traffic even more.

So I listen to my 80s music, sing really loud, and try to enjoy that. And not think about how much I need to pee.


For as much as I was inconvenienced, it was really nothing comparatively speaking.


I saw one of the cars getting loaded onto the tow truck. I’ve seen that amount of damage before and that time only one person survived to live a very different life. But Bearpaw didn’t walk away. And I wonder if a family is getting the same news I got three years ago.


People’s lives changed forever tonight.


I still don’t like driving, events like this shake me up for several days. But I got home. I got to use the bathroom. I am spending time with my family.

I hope everyone was okay, or at least fixable.


Where have I been?

Two words… marching band

He’s a handsome Red Devil 😈!