ohbloodyhell8

and I stumbled.  I regrouped and at least pulled in some grace at the last minute to apologize for losing control of my emotions in an unprofessional manner.  I dreaded this evening’s task for months.  I procrastinated and ignored it to the best of my ability.  This task is also one of the items I will be purging in an attempt to live that simpler life, but alas, two more times with this task and I’ll be done.

Yes, I am going to be ambiguous about what task was except to say it was not work related.  What it had that is so bothersome for me is an underbelly.  And a seedy one at that.  Lots of places, companies, governments, institutions, etc. have an underbelly.  I suppose it’s the nature of the beast.  I simply am not comfortable with a position that requires a lot of interaction with the underbelly.  It is easy to control how much underbelly I contend with at work, but this task…not so much.  I tried to hold myself together and remain composed.  I did until the very end and then it came spewing forth.

Mu hubby asked me what I was doing and I said “blogging about tonight.”  The sweet man that he is said I was graceful or gracious simply in that I wasn’t ungracious and I did keep my composure at key times.  He said he would have been more worried if I had been oblivious to the events that occurred during the task as it would demonstrate apathy at new depths for me.  I would love to write that I am apathetic toward the whole thing, but then I would be a liar tonight too.  Big hugs and kisses to my hubby for having my back.

Which he truly did.  I was so upset at one point that I left the room and took a walk with my sons.  They threw coins in the fountains and made wishes.  I thanked them for being so well-behaved tonight.  Meanwhile, my hubby was in the room speaking my mind for me since he knows my stance on the matter.  As my sons and I headed back, my oldest said his wishes came true.  See, I promised I would give them new toys as thanks for their good behavior.  He said one of his wishes was for a new toy.  The other was that I would stop crying.  And they helped me stop crying.  They filled me back up with God’s grace with their warm hugs and accolades for being such a good mommy.  They reminded me I am blessed.

We went back to the room and I read what my hubby had said and it helped me remain composed for the rest of the night.  Until the end when a straw broke the proverbial camel’s back.  I was emotional.  I probably lacked clarity.  I also owned my behavior by going back in to apologize.  Then we went home.

Yes, simplicity and grace were challenged, I did stumble, but I regained my footing with the help of my three stooges and I will learn from the experience.  Walking away is always an option.  It is a simple and graceful option.  Simplicity and grace, I seek you still.