Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for June, 2011

Mean Mommy

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on June 27, 2011| Leave a Comment »

My five-year old came over to the chaise, sat down, and said in that sweet little boy voice, “Mom, you’re the best mom in the world (pause) except when you’re being kinda mean.”

My husband then asked him, “when is Mommy mean?”

“When she uses her angry voice.”

“When does she use her angry voice?”

“When we don’t clean up or do what she tells us to do.”

Yep, I’m a mean mommy.  I am proud to be one.  I make my sons take a bath or shower when they are dirty or stinky or just because.

I make them brush their teeth (“yes, you have to brush more than once a day.”)

I make them go to bed by 8:30 during the school year.  I make them do their homework.  I make them apologize when they need to apologize.  I make them say please, thank you, you’re welcome, and may I….

I make them clean up-true, that’s a tough one and we are working on it, but we’re getting there.  I make them learn about taking care of the earth.  I make them think about other people’s feelings.

I make them go to church.

I make them brush their hair and wash their hands and clean their faces.  I make them put out the recycling and the trash.  I then make them put the cans away.

I make them learn responsibility, work ethic, and what it means to be a friend.  I make them practice patience.

Yep, I’m a mean mommy.  I will continue to be a mean mommy for as long as I need to be one.  I am not a perfect mommy and they are not perfect sons.  But we’ve come a long way and it gets better and better every day.

 

Read Full Post »

Living Deliberately Slowly

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on June 26, 2011| Leave a Comment »

“As for the complex ways of living, I love them not, however much I practice them. In as many places as possible, I will get my feet down to the earth.”[Henry D. Thoreau, Journal, 22 October 1853]

I continue to strive to live as Hank prescribed.  Challenging task to accomplish each day.  In this walk of mine, I stumble regularly and waste energy on things that are not important in the big picture.  How does one stay on the path and not wander?  I don’t play chess, but I know a bit about it.  This walk feels somewhat like a chess game.  You need to know where you want to end up and the eight or nine moves you have to make to get there, planning, of course, for the possible defense put against your moves.  Yet at the same time of planning all of these moves, I remind myself to be ready to throw away the plan for staying in the moment.

As John Lennon sang, “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.  I sing that song to my boys each night (they call it the “long lullaby”).  So it is a balance for planning and realizing life happens whether you want it to or not.  How are you going to spend your life?  I have to “practice” certain “complex ways of living” but not all.  I keep finding new ways to “get my feet down to the earth” while I walk this earth.

Read Full Post »

Rituals of Childhood

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , on June 16, 2011| 2 Comments »

Harrison was sick today with the world’s mildest stomach bug.  We kept him home from school and I went to work a bit late so I could cuddle with him.  Thursdays are one of my late days and  he would be asleep by the time I got home, so I called in to let my boss know I was going to tend to my sick little guy.  Then we cuddled on the couch and I rubbed his back.  The time flew far too quickly and I had to leave.  As we were saying goodbye, my little guy demonstrated how much he has grown up since I started this job.

Do you know the book The Kissing Hand?  Harrison and I have our own version of The Kissing Hand.  We kiss two fingers and link them.  He saw this is what Scott and I do, so Harrison adopted it as our kissing hand.  Hamilton and I do the classic Kissing Hand, but Harrison individualizes himself from his big bro.  Today he initiated it.  First time.  Brought tears to my overly sentimental eyes.

Then Harrison brought me to a full sob.  He said, “Mom, I’ll wave to you from the window.  Like I did when I was three, remember?”  Oh, yes I do remember.  He waved from the living room window to me in the car every morning after I started working outside of the house full-time.  I don’t know who needed that ritual more-probably me.  Another difference today-Harrison didn’t need the step stool to see out the window.

I love that he remembers.  It’s a unique memory for him, separate from his brother’s memories.  We try to give each of our sons unique experiences peppered into their shared childhood together.  They are best friends, greatest enemies, and thick as thieves.  Their loyalty to each other is vast and deep.  I am so thankful to watch their childhood-to step outside on occasion and look inside to see what is important to them, the worlds they’ve created, and the ways they show each other their love.

Read Full Post »

What about Bob?

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on June 14, 2011| Leave a Comment »

OCD can be a blessing and a curse.  My talent for alphabetizing is truly neat and I catch little mistakes that probably wouldn’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things, but in my line of work these two things do come in handy.  Catching the little mistakes more so, but if I do ever decide to pursue the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” path and become a librarian, both will be truly purposeful.  I am glad that my boss really appreciates my ability to catch most errors (not all, I’m not perfect).  When I do miss one, I actually question myself-how could I have missed that? It was so obvious!

It’s a curse when you live with the three stooges who do not possess the same affection for order or organization.  But on my journey for self-improvement, I try to remember it is me stuck on this need.  It does get in the way at times because sometimes you simply cannot be ritualistic about order, which is my natural desire.  A place for everything and everything in its place.  I also like to keep to the schedule I set forth each day.  Obviously with two young boys, I’ve had to adapt.  I have a few new things I do that I can control and they help.

I get an everything bagel four days a week at work.  I don’t get the bagel on Friday because it’s early closing at the moment (so very nice) but also I prefer things in even numbers.  Messiest bagel out there, but I always check for poppy seeds after I finish and I’m mindful not to get seeds and such on my desk.  I put the cream cheese on it the same way each time and cut each half in half the same way.  It sets the day to a pleasant tone.  The nice ladies in the cafeteria set one aside for me now Monday through Thursday in case I can’t down till a little later in the morning.  I also found the bagel balances my blood sugar nicely throughout the day.

I’m following a regular bedtime.  It’s really early for me…11:30…and it’s starting to feel like that’s late!  It helps me to let go at night.  I’m no longer staying up randomly trying to finish one more thing.  It’s helped with simplicity-setting simple goals for each day and accepting that they may not all be achieved.  It also helps me to enjoy my time after I get home from work more.  It relaxes me knowing that the day will in fact end and I’ll be able to rest.

Another ritual that has returned is reading Stephen King again before I go to sleep.  The old friends are nice to reconnect with and a reader always brings something new to the text, so many are like brand new stories.  I’ve also been reading at work.  It’s been a goal to read research articles and such and I’ve actually been doing it.  Today, my head was simply swimming with wonderful information, but I then had to follow it to some kind of end, which there wasn’t a neat and tidy ending to get to and this created frustration.

The newest obsession is developing my personal philosophy, theology, understanding of my place in this world, and the calling put out for me.  It’s stalled at the moment, or it feels stalled.  I’ve plateaued and I’m not sure where to go next.  I’m in the zone of proximal development and I need the More Knowledgeable Other to scaffold me to the next level (yes, my inner geek comes out!).  So I will read the good book and see what I can discover in the Word.  Then I will read Uncle Stevie and fall asleep around 11:30.  Compulsive rituals are not always a bad thing.

Something I have noticed as I tweak my use time from fungible to epochal (yeah, go look ’em like I had to) is that I share so much more with my family.  My youngest was out in the back yard the other day, using nothing but pure imagination.  It was one of the most beautiful things I have been blessed to watch.  He was talking away to the trees, the dirt, or himself.  I don’t know who he was talking to, but he was having a grand time.  It was pure childhood joy not being interrupted or interfered with.  In letting go of the human constructs of time, I saw these moments he was having in discovering himself within the world.

I am finally finding a balance and a positive way to use the OCD.  Like Bob in What About Bob?, it’s baby steps.  Baby steps every day.

Read Full Post »

Caterpillar Whisperer

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , on June 12, 2011| Leave a Comment »

My youngest found a caterpillar a few weeks ago and named him Steve.  Steve was set up in the bug playground.  It’s a bug box, but with miniature playground equipment ( a very cool present for my boys from my boss).  The boys kept adding grass and leaves thinking that’s what Steve was eating, while I made sure the cotton ball stayed moist with sugar water.  Steve made a cocoon in about a week.

My youngest was sad that Steve was following his life course, felt lonely, and found another caterpillar.  The bug playground could really only support one caterpillar, plus Steve had attached his cocoon to the flip top so to open it would probably kill the little guy.  We made another bug playground out of a to-go container.  This caterpillar was named Steve Montgomery (my son’s middle name, to distinguish the two Steves).  More leaves and grass, another cotton ball with sugar water, and another cocoon.

Steve Montgomery emerged today a beautiful moth.  My little guy released him into the world while shedding tears that his little metamorphosed friend was leaving him.  It’s a good way to learn about how life goes, an awesome experiential learning moment and a demonstration of amazing luck that the caterpillar survived the process and emerged a beautiful moth.

We’re still waiting on the other Steve.

Read Full Post »

Abba

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , on June 10, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Abba…not the Swedish pop group.  What do you see when you think of God?  I’ve always connected more on an auditory level, conversations with Him and such, but what do you see when you think of Him?  And as we discussed tonight in my group from church, Him?  Or Her?  Or simply spirit, a being, encompassing all traits and aspects of humanity?

In my quest for simplicity, can I be strong enough to also simplify my image of God to finally acknowledge what I have thought, felt, known for a long time?  That the being of God is simply too much for me to fathom until I am called home?

I used to picture God as a spiritual light being like when the Mystics and Skeksis were brought back together into one being, healing the crystal, and becoming once again the UrSkeks in The Dark Crystal.  Then Les Miserables provided me with a new image as I got older…”to love another person is to see the face of God”.   Long story short, my mind cannot fathom the image of God.  I have images that I connect with my relationship with God.  One is of hands, strong hands, comforting hands.  This, I am sure, is influenced by the fact that my dad was an Allstate agent.

But I also have images of nature, of acts of kindness, of acts of destruction that connect me with God.  It is easy to see God in kindness, love, and empathy.  It took me longer to see God in acts of destruction.  To see God weeping.  I feel God mourning when the act of destruction is caused by a human.  I know I have abused the concept of free will in my lifetime, I know I will again.  Ironically, it’s because I am human.  I can strive and strive to own free will and walk the path that Jesus has taught me, but I will fail.  It is what I do when I fail that matters.  It is taking ownership, it is being accountable that makes me stronger in my faith.  As I continue to improve that part of myself, I’ll fall less and less.

During our get-together tonight, I had so many pop cultural references pop into my mind.  This could mean that I have absorbed too much entertainment over the years.  It could also be a reflection of how long and how frequently society, generally speaking, tries to understand God.  Bruce Almighty, Evan Almighty, Oh God, “What If God Were One of Us?”, Dogma, The Ten Commandments, The Passion of the Christ, “Personal Jesus”, “Losing My Religion”, Jesus Christ Superstar, Godspell, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, The Book of Mormon, The Seventh Sign.  How often societies try to understand their own religions…we can look back to the ancient Greeks and the Romans with all the mythology.  Well, what we call mythology but what to them was real.

I love exploring the aspects of my faith.  I love walking on my journey with God.  I am blessed to have my husband, sons, and church family to walk with on this road.  We all have our own individual paths, but they intersect often enough to celebrate our blessings.

Read Full Post »

My lunch with Kenneth part 2

Posted in My lunch with..., tagged , , , on June 6, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Okay, I probably sound silly writing about this since I haven’t seen the movie yet, but Thor rocks.  The reviews I have read are all positive, people are liking it and it made millions and millions of dollars in a respectable time-frame.   Go Kenneth.

My favorite review (I believe in EW) spoke of how it brings an innocence back to comic book movies.  I immediately thought of Superman (of course I mean the Christopher Reeve one).  The level of escapism in Superman was wonderful.  You felt as though the world did have villains, true, but Superman was there to save the day.  He was a nice guy.  Honest guy (“…Pink.”).  You trusted in Superman.  That’s what I’ve read about Thor.  And face it, with a comic book rooted in mythology it doesn’t hurt to have someone like Kenneth bringing it all together.

The next topic I would bring up would be the return of Wallander.  I’ve heard rumors and I hope they are true.  I didn’t think I would like the character or movies, but I love them (from BBC, I watch them on Mystery Masterpiece on PBS).  They are such an interesting character study-of Wallander, the country, and the criminal mind.

I would also have to discuss the role of Sir Larry…I know Kenneth wasn’t the first choice (duh…how’d they miss that one?).  I think it’ll be an interesting movie, but I’ll be watching for Kenneth.

I don’t go to the movies much nowadays.  Too many cell phones, too many dollars, and too many people.  I still wish the movies were at the local four theater cinema in the mall of my childhood.  Better yet, go back to the days when going to the movies was an event and you even dressed for it!  But movies are ten bucks for one (think a dime a dozen raised for inflation).  Movies aren’t EVENTS anymore.  They come in and out of the theaters amazingly fast and most people seem to go for the social aspect rather than the art or experience.  Now the technology can provide such an experience but the glow of the cell phones and the chattering of the crowd interferes too much for me.  I’ll wait for the dvd or bluray or heaven forbid…cable.

Read Full Post »