It’s an interesting place to be. When an episode of the schizophrenia is coming to an end, or at least trying to, there will be a battle in my brain. It’s fascinating to experience. It truly feels like two separate minds trying to control me. One tries to get a foothold back into my normalcy while the other fights tooth and nail to stay in the delusions of grandeur. The delusions are an easier place to dwell at times. It always allows for a do-over if something goes wrong. You’re always the champion. You always matter and you never belittle anyone while you are riding high in this alternate universe.
As the alternate universe starts to waver, it feels like an earthquake that is only happening in my brain. There is a sensation of a giant snap that will happen soon as reality comes back into control. Like there is a giant rubber band being pulled back and then it’s shot out across the miles of brainwaves. The tremors are startling at times.
When that point comes, when the earth begins to quake in my brain, it is exhilarating, frightening, and calming all at once. There is a peace that starts to come over daily existence knowing that maintaining a double life only will last a month or two more. At least that’s the way it usually happened for me. I stop feeling like I have the brain of Abby someone…Abby Normal.
ohbloodyhell8 
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