ohbloodyhell8

In the mid sixties, Hubby began attending elementary school.  He was not the big man on campus.  He was more of the hanging-on-the-outside-fringe-because-no-one-quite-understood-him kid.  He was different.  In the mid seventies, I began attending elementary school and traveled the same path.  I can’t share the details of Hubby’s journey, I didn’t walk it.  My journey included being teased because of my buck teeth, glasses, hair, then teased for my braces.  Then it turned to a feeling of being excluded. So I took care of myself as best I could.  By high school, my mom had given me permission to drop out when I turned 16 and take the GED.  Fortunately, I got cast in a play at a local college and was able to spend time with people who I fit in with.  I auditioned for the performing arts high school and got in.  Knowing I would only have to be at my regular high school for English and History the last two years, I stayed in school.  My choir teacher made the time at the regular school tolerable, though the administration fired her my senior year because she refused to teach at every school in the district for the same pay.  She told me to keep the faith and try to find a college.  I found one and went and it has made all the difference.

Fast forward to 2008.  Older son entered kindergarten.  2010, Younger son entered kindergarten.  They too are different.  And in all those years, schools have not gotten any better at supporting the different kids.  My oldest wants to be home schooled (not gonna happen).  But he’s tired of being told to shut up by the other kids.  He’s tired of feeling excluded.  Younger son has a slightly different experience because like finds like and he made a best friend with one of the kids who also isn’t really understood.  They have a ball together and can lean on each other for support during the day.  They recharge together hanging out together on the weekends.  Older son has invited kids over but the answer is usually no thank you.  He’s tired of rejection.

Older son even thought about just conforming.  I asked him if he thought he would be any happier and he realized he probably would only feel worse.  I spoke to the school again.  And then Hubby and I talked about it and realized the schools just can’t handle all the differences and they function on the middle ground-the students who follow the current trends and fall in the middle have an easier time because that’s the way the school can function.

Keep in mind-the school our boys go to is a fantastic school.  They have small class sizes, great resources, involved teachers and administrators, but in the end, the student who is on the fringe, who marches to his own drummer, doesn’t fit the mold.  Ironically, Older son plays the drums in band.

I realize that the majority of students may feel this way, at least at one time or another.  Everyone has their own defensive moves to keep a feeling of safety around them in school.  Some of them may not realize that the defense strategy they use may hurt someone else.  Older son acts goofy because any attention, even negative attention, is better than being ignored and excluded.  Younger son acts moody to keep others away when he feels overwhelmed to avoid attention.  Everyone’s perspective in school is similar, but the skills aren’t there yet to realize it.  They’re eight or ten years old.  Can’t expect them to be able to step outside and see the bigger picture.

Mama Bear came out last night and really wants to protect her baby cubs.  I can’t impart this wisdom.  This wisdom is learned from living.  So for now, they have to muddle through this time called school.  And hopefully, with love and support from Mom and Dad, they’ll stay true to themselves.