ohbloodyhell8

Periods.

They are the key to making a new life and a pain in the ass till perimenopause.

My journey began 33 years ago. In my teen years, it was an annoyance that I complained about because everyone else did. I would take all of my fake complaints back if I knew how hard some girls had it. My period arrived every 28 days between 1:00 and 1:10 PM like clockwork. Little to no cramping with a craving for chocolate on the first day and salty sweet the next four. No night flow. We’re talking dream cycle. By my twenties I could tell when I was ovulating and from which ovary. For 29 years except for the 18 months I was pregnant. It went right back to schedule after each son was born.

Some women experience hell with their periods and my heart goes out to them. But I can’t write about it because I had a cakewalk for 29 years.

I did fall into societal norms and hid my tampon or pad when I had to change it at a public place or work. Even now, I still hide it up my sleeve, in my waistband, or, if there is one, in my pocket. Those new period panties seem like they could be amazing, but since I am almost done my journey, I am not making that investment.

Perimenopause began four years ago or so in my early forties. I had my left ovary removed when I was 37 because of a benign tumor so it arrived a little early. Not horrible at first, just lost my clockwork cycle. But since I needed a little protection for the prolapsed bladder on an increasingly regular basis, I was poised and ready for any surprises.

Then other aspects started to infiltrate. Night sweats, hot flashes. More than that, my entire body temperature changed. I could handle cold better than I ever could before, and I am still not crazy from the heat.

Insomnia. Not my first dance so I could adjust (and I can use the time productively, like posting to my humble blog).

Adult acne. Um, hello? How is this fair in any way?

Hair loss. Not happy about this one, but my hair style helps to hide it.

Lack of sex drive. Seriously? After all the years of bleeding out of my whoowhoo, you take that away now, when I need something to hang onto? Acne and hair thinning weren’t enough of a bitch slap in the face?

Weight gain. What’s new? Fatigue. Please, I pushed two humans out of me. Then chased them around for four to six years, while working full time, no nanny. Come at me with something else.

And then a glorious thing happened. I went five months without my period. Oh, could the end be in sight? Could I just have seven more months?

Welcome to day 8 of the period from Satan himself.

It’s like all the stuff I never had to deal with is wrapped up in this one period. Heavy flow, day and night. Cramps. Bloating. Cravings for chocolate all day everyday. Plus my hot flashes, insomnia, and fatigue. Or I’m just tired from the freakin’ blood loss. I’m sure I’m down a few pints. I feel like it’s penance for the 29 easy years.

And we don’t talk about it. I forgot! This is breaking the rules! Sorry, but I’m bleeding over here and I’m sharing my little story with my fellow bleeders. My one bestie said, and I quote, “F#@%, I don’t want to hit perimenopause.” My hope is that it’s the opposite of what your years of periods were like. Now I have cramps and pain and stuff that I feel actually warrants the complaining that I used to do to fit in. “Oh, yeah, I hate when I’m ragging it.” Or the classic “surfing the crimson wave” or just three little letters, PMS.

And still, this will pass. And it’s not as bad as others have to experience every month. So I’ll quit my whining.

So maybe, if you had a truly difficult journey to menopause, then perimenopause is easier. I know there is no medical evidence for this, but let me dream. Because then it will be easier for two of my besties. And I am happy to blaze this path first, being the oldest (which they love to remind me of). 😉