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Archive for the ‘Musings and Epiphanies’ Category

I’ve been lucky enough to hear a wonderful tale a couple of times in church about what peace is.  My apologies if I miss a few details…but this is what I took from it.  My pastor told the tale (you may have heard it before) of someone creating an image of a peaceful moment and a man trying to create a picture of a calm and serene place.  Yet the picture he created (maybe painted…can’t recall details) that showed peace was a storm.  The peaceful part was a bird just being a bird in the storm, calm and ready to go with the flow.  Here is a depiction of the image titled “Peace in the Midst of the Storm”  by Jack E. Dawson:

As I continue my journey with simplicity, I find new moments of serenity within my day.  I imagine these moments are similar to that bird sitting calmly in the storm.  As we love to say, these are some crazy days.  They really are no more crazy than what generations before me dealt with, perhaps just a different crazy.  We keep our own peace marching forward in our family, trying not to overwhelm ourselves.  It’s been a big time of transition, taking things off of our plates.  We’ve done an okay job of it, I think, yet we still have kept the things that matter to us the most.

My sons, with all the boyhood activities, bring me peace each day.  Today the moment of serenity came in the form of two very sincere hugs and some quiet moments of conversation when I got home from class.  We only had a few moments since it was a night class, but it didn’t matter.  The moments were full of grace, simplicity, serenity, love.  I’ve had a warm fuzzy feeling all evening basking in the afterglow of those hugs.

Yes, once they were tucked into bed at 10:00pm, I ran errands to a store, came home and exercised while somewhat de-wrinkling the new curtains (what, the curtains?), and then took care of some laundry.  But here I sit, freshly showered after getting stinky exercising, with warm hugs still wrapped around me.

Calm in the storm.  Peace in the storm.  Simplicity and serenity swirling around my home.

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My ear has been ringing all day and I didn’t even party like it’s 1999 at a club last night.  I do go to the Neil Diamond concert 

in a week or so, and may have ringing then.  But face it, Sweet Caroline is worth the ringing.  So why am I suffering from the annoying ringing and muted audio associated with tinnitus?  I have no bloody clue.

According to http://www.mayoclininc.com, while annoying, it is usually not something serious.  Tinnitus isn’t the actual problem, it’s the symptom.  Well now I have lines from two movies going through my head.  One is from 1975…”but not the symptoms!” and the other is from 1989…”Yeah, well that symptom is ______ing my wife!”  You figure it out (no googling, you should just know it) and you can post a comment to tell me what movies you think I’m talking about.

There’s a third movie I’m thinking about and this one actually refers to tinnitus as “club disease”-if you know this classic, post it in your comment as well.

So back to my tinnitus.  What is the underlying cause, I wonder?  I clean my ears regularly.  Not in an invasive way that may cause damage and I’m not a swimmer so it’s not swimmer’s ear (“I’m not a strong swimmer…”–huge bonus points if you can tell me where that quote comes from!).  According to our dear friends at Mayo, it could be age-related heating loss, ear injury, or something else, blah, blah, blah, bhr, bhr, bhr.  I’m thinking it’s an ear injury.  I have no knowledge of an injury to my ear, but younger son slept in our bed last night.  It seems pretty reasonable to think that he swung his arm over and nailed my ear with his Popeye arm.   Little dude has some well developed muscles.  I’m just really hopeful it goes away soon because I had to ask people to repeat themselves today, couldn’t hear half of my class tonight, and the ringing is driving me crazy, a short trip, some would say.

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I was planning on auditioning for a show in the next week or two, but I am having serious second thoughts.  First, while it would be a fun show, it’s not one that was on my “list” of shows I’d like to do before I die.  I guess one could call it an actor’s bucket list.  I really enjoyed working with the group, so that’s not the issue.  I’ve been looking at the time I would need to spend on the role (presuming I were cast) and as I added it up, I began to think…hmmmm, do I want to do that?  Now?

I would actually have more conflicts than I had thought before thinking to myself that I could easily do a show.  I had remembered the conflict with a wedding I’ll be attending but hadn’t thought of eight or nine or ten other commitments that are not moveable.  That’s almost a dozen conflicts which is about a quarter to a third of the rehearsals.  (Don’t ask me to be more specific, I’m not a math person and I’m really not a fraction person, unless I’m baking and then fractions make sense.)  The other commitments are too important to try to shift or move, but I also do not like being the type who gets a part and then lists a slew of rehearsals I’ll miss.  It happens, I get it, but I don’t like to do it.

Would the person directing the show work around it?  Possibly, probably, maybe.  I don’t really know and that’s not what’s important.  I wouldn’t feel right.  Knowing I had intentionally double-booked myself and forced one or the other to work around my inability to be there would lessen my enjoyment of whichever one I did attend.

Putting all of that aside however, I realize that the main deterrent is the time I wouldn’t get to spend with my family.  Yes I like to indulge my interests and keep myself fresh and excited by doing things I like to do.  But this is the first summer in a decade when we’re not on too many boards (I’m only on one and it doesn’t meet during the summer).  The classes I’m teaching will be over by the end of June, right around the time the boys finish school.

I could feasibly take advantage of the summer hours at work and spend some lazy summer evenings with my family.  I could work on my yard. I could do scrapbooking or beading or sewing or reading or nothing.  Imagine working on my sons’ scrapbooks.  Imagine sitting and having deep conversations about the exoskeleton of cicada with my sons.  Imagine reading a book in one sitting.  Imagine not feeling the pressure of extra, self-inflicted deadlines.  This is the first summer when I don’t have any externally imposed deadlines on my plate.

Do I want to put one on my plate?  Or would that be like putting a big helping of beets on the plate?  I would imagine it could begin to leave a bitter taste in my mouth and I don’t want to do that.  I also feel like hubby should do the next show.  He probably won’t do a show because he always comes up with a reason not to do a show.  But I don’t think I want to do a show.  I think I want to not do stuff that doesn’t have a direct positive impact on my whole family and not just me.  This summer I think I want to be selfish and spend all my spare time with my family.

The boys and I started making the presents for their teachers tonight.  We came up with the idea of giving their teachers a small, hand-painted wooden box personalized with either an initial or a picture of something each teacher likes.  We had a blast working on the boxes tonight.  I want more of that.  I looked at my sons this evening, painting and smiling, and they looked so much older than I expected them to look.  Oldest son doesn’t like me to hug or kiss him in front of people.  Youngest son can’t be too far behind.  At this moment, they still like spending time with me and I’m still relatively cool.  That won’t last and I know it.  It’ll come back another day, but it’s going to change soon and last for quite some time.  While I pray daily for the blessing of a long life, spending time with my sons is always on my bucket list.  Spending time with hubby is always on my bucket list.  I don’t want to take that for granted.  Ever.

At the beginning of this post I had not yet decided the fate of the audition nor did I think I would figure it out today or tomorrow.  And yet I’ve clearly made my decision.  I didn’t go through my normal long and drawn-out process.  Well, there’s one to take off the bucket list.

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Each day offers moments that will become memories.  Some days are more loaded than others.  Today is one of those days.  Last night I raced from class to see the last half of older son’s last ball game of the regular season.  This morning I saw my dad at his induction into the Olde Guard at his alma mater (also my alma mater).  I’m off to “Spring into Poetry” for younger son.  Tonight hubby and I are going to a dinner dance for the theater company with which I played “Vera” in Mame.  But the neatest moment today is that ten years ago my hubby became my hubby.  Ten years filled with laughter, love, tears, loss, happiness, craziness, Addams Family-ness, and the two greatest sons any two parents could ever hope to have.  Happy anniversary to the world’s greatest hubby!

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Okay, I have never watched the show.  Yet it is part of the reason I have not blogged as much lately.  I’ve been indulging in another hobby I love.  My dear friend, Stephanie, is going to Comic Con tomorrow and wanted to go as the character Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones.  We searched online for photographs of the costume she liked and then went to the fabric store.  I sat down and sketched out a pattern and set about to sew.

This is the costume she wanted to wear:

        

 

This is the costume she will wear tomorrow:

                                      

 

I think it came out pretty good.

I had so much fun making the costume.  I love to make my sons’ Halloween costumes, and this was like that.  It is something to do out of pure joy.  Stephanie seemed pleased with it.  Here are some other photos.

                                                       

Yep, she even has an accessory.  She can also summon the cats.

I enjoy sewing.  It’s neat to know that the piece starts as cut fabric, thread, and trim.  Then some hours later (a few hours here and there over the past few weeks) something exists that didn’t exist before.  I hope she has an awesome time tomorrow.

I had an awesome time today.  Field Day finally happened after two rainy days washed it off the schedule.  Sadly, older son has been sick with a fever and had to miss the festivities.  Younger son however was ready to go.

                       

He had a fun time but was a bit sad because I couldn’t stay the whole time.  I could have on Wednesday, even though they had pushed back the start time.  But on Friday work closes early and I had to tutor at 11:00.  He was very sad, cried a bit.  It was a very new experience-I couldn’t stay the whole time and his brother wasn’t there to cheer him on while he raced.  Hubby was able to run over for a bit in between patients.  I told Hubby that while younger son would seem fine when he got there, remember that in his sweet heart, he would be thrilled that Daddy had come for a bit.  Hubby went back after he was done with next patient, but by then it was over.

I went to work, tutored, went to get the milk, and then home to check on older son.  After picking up younger son from school, we got Slurpees and nachos.

This was a good day.

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A picture is worth a thousand words…me and younger son at the zoo for his field trip.

                    

 

 

 

 

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Again a show that I love has left the airways.  Again I was very happy with the final episode.  I must say I loved that House worked in a reference to Dead Poet’s Society…hee hee hee.  And I know it doesn’t happen often anymore, but I’m glad they left it open. Technically they could do a reunion show, albeit without Wilson, but…

Little bit Thelma and Louise at the end, not that I think they are going to drive off a cliff, but just taking off is freeing.  I was speaking with a coworker about it earlier today and we wondered if House and Wilson would rent a convertible, drive off,  and pick up Brad Pitt, which I think Brad would have done it.  So carpe diem to us all.

I didn’t get to watch the behind the scenes special before the final episode…work.  But I am sure I will watch it over the weekend.  Currently, Kenneth Branagh is playing in the background in Love’s Labour’s Lost.  (Geeky trivia question for you-what does Kenneth Branagh have in common with both Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard?)  Papers must be graded, tests must be scored, laundry must be folded, and trash must be put to the curb.

But it will be done with a satisfied brain, pleased with the end of House.

Oldest son claims he can no longer sleep with his brother in the same bed.  They’ve shared a double-size bed for six years and now he’s decided he can’t share a bed.  At the moment, there really is no other option for him, so his solution is to sleep on the chaise in the living room.  Yeah, sleep.  Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Youngest son was devastated by this event.  He was crying as he tried to go to sleep and fessed up to the fact that he is scared of the dark.  I didn’t tell oldest son this information as I didn’t want him to feel even more power and control over his baby brother.  I checked on youngest son several times as he was falling asleep.  He is sleeping soundly in the bed, cuddling Blue Bear and his Elmo’s blanket.  Oldest son is tossing and turning as he pretends to sleep on the chaise.

Oldest son did not like when I ignored his questions during House.  He kept asking why I was crying and I wouldn’t answer. Then he would ask why I was laughing and I wouldn’t answer.  He kept pretending I was waking him up with my reactions to the episode.  He’s really got to work on his delivery.  It’s too over the top and obvious.  I was trying to make a point however that he was well beyond his 8:30 bedtime.  In theory, they should have been asleep before the episode even started and then it wouldn’t have mattered.  But he likes to be a ham.

I like that the series gave us little pictures, snapshots, of where the other characters went after House’s grand exit.  Fans deserve that type of ending.  Monk did the same.  Left everybody basically doing the same-old-same-old just without our voyeuristic eyes peering into their lives.

But the best lives to peer into are our own.  I know why my sons were still up-they were waiting to see me, or to get a few more minutes playing a video game.  They do like to grab a few minutes with me when I get home and, with my current late night schedule, I don’t mind if they are up for a wee bit when I get home.  I miss the little buggers.

Well, remember the lessons we’ve learned from House.  There are books on the philosophy of House, but I sum it up like this.  Mystery is a good thing, friends do matter, and everybody lies.  Of course, the most important lesson:

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I’ve had two discussions this week about plots, or more specifically remakes that use the same exact plot and why do we need them in the world?  It’s a fun topic and in the end, every show has been a rerun since the theater of the ancient Greeks.  The roots of every story, play, movie, or television show can be found in Greek theater.

But I still love a good debate so…

For me, plays are meant to be a unique event each time because they are performed live and each performance will have slight variations due to a different audience and another day of life experience for the actors adding new dimensions to the performance, subtle though they may be.  I look at film versions of plays in a similar manner.  Laurence Olivier’s Hamlet is unique from Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet and from Ethan Hawke’s Hamlet.  (I don’t even consider Mel Gibson’s in the conversation as I did not care for it at all).  Each is approached from the roots of theater yet captured on film.  Each film includes distinct performances by the actors and a distinct interpretation by the director, as well as very intentional scenic and musical choices.  I glean something different from each one.

I think that You’ve Got Mail is a unique film from The Shop Around the Corner, the film that inspired the adaptation.  It also acknowledges the original, gives a tip of the hat if you will, within the film.  The sign on the Fox Bookstore building says “just around the corner” and they make references to mail…letters.  If you know the film The Shop Around the Corner, you’ll pick up on these wink wink, nudge nudge references.  If you don’t, they don’t stick out as out of place.

I don’t understand the need for remakes (I don’t care what you call them) if they only are a remaking of an original film without bringing anything new to the table.  The shot by shot remake of Psycho…why did we need that?  Hitchcock’s is perfect, no need to redo it.  I remembered how perfect on Mother’s Day when Encore Suspense treated us to a 24 hour marathon of it.

Arthur, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, why do we need to remake them when the originals were fabulous?  Give me a new twist at least.  And changing the gender of a character doesn’t count…just changes pronouns.  Scream could have been just another slasher flick in the tradition of the classics that changed the genre in the late 70s and early 80s, but it did something new in acknowledging the pedigree that bore it.  That made it original.

Another recent revamp was made by two of my favorites, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp.  But Willy Wonka will always be visualized in my mind as Gene Wilder in a fabulous purple velvet coat.  I have a brown velvet coat that I call my Willy Wonka coat.  🙂  I will watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and embrace it as an individual movie because of my love of Tim and Johnny, but Gene Wilder will always be  Willy Wonka.  Their latest, Dark Shadows, has yet to be seen, so I cannot comment yet.

Are these amazingly fine lines to be drawing in the sand?  Yep.  I wonder though as I reflect if I haven’t noticed a wee bit of a trend.  When a film is adapted from a book or play, I’m far more open to seeing a new version of it.  Perhaps because for me I always approach a film version of a book or play with some skepticism since I’ve already got my own version of it in my mind’s eye.  It don’t expect it to live up to my expectations and so I am sometimes pleasantly surprised.  A remake of a story that was originally intended for film I am less flexible about because if it was written for film, it was intended to be a finite and finished product.  A play is meant to be produced over and over just as a book can be read over and over.

Now some might ask me what I think about The Three Stooges movie.  I’m fine with it-I haven’t seen it yet but my hubby and sons did and they gave it their own Three Stooges approval.  First, it incorporated the concept of short films, another wink wink, nudge nudge example.  Second, even with the original Three Stooges, there were four different groupings of them (Moe and Larry with Curly, Shemp, Joe, or Curly Joe and the original trio was Larry, Moe and Shemp to begin with but without the name Three Stooges).  They were always the same characters but in different short films, a different situation.

In the end, we keep repeating and remaking these stories on stage or screen because we will never finish exploring the human condition and the human existence.  We are egotistical by nature.  We also are a social creature and we feel better after sitting in a dark room together with a bunch of strangers watching ourselves and examining how we handle this thing called life, reruns and all.

 

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Spirits have come up a lot on conversation lately.  Perhaps it’s that time of year, as we gear up for Pentecost.  I apologize if I’m repeating myself as I may have written some of this before, but the memory doesn’t trap every detail like it used to.  My mother-in-law comes into the office quite regularly.  You can hear the front door open and yet no one is down there.  But the visits that make me pause the most are the ones she has with younger son.

Younger son shared with us that he visits with Grandmom in the kitchen.  She asks how school is going and he tells her.  Then she leaves.  I think she just likes catching up with him since he was only 2 and a half years old when she died.

I love watching movies or reading books about spirits and ghosts.  Hamlet’s father, Simba’s father, The Others, lots of great movies that explore the spirits in the world.  Lots of plays explore this idea, and have since the first plays.  I was speaking with someone this evening and we talked about the fact that every play, film, television show has been a re-run since the original Greek plays.  So if you think about it-there is story after story about ghosts.  It is clearly a shared experience of humans over time.  Has everyone experienced it?  Nope.  But this is something that crosses over cultures and genders and ages.

I like the idea of being able to check in on loved ones every now and then.  I was as the farm recently and felt my mother-in-law there.  It was a very strong presence.  At one point, I walked upstairs and felt her, smelled her.  It was for a brief period of time, moments really, and then she moved on to some other spot.  But I felt her spirit.  I could smell her.  So I went into her closet to see if it stilled smelled like her and it doesn’t.  It just smells stale.  So the smell didn’t come from there.  The only thing that makes sense in explaining it is it was her spirit.

Could it be our own need to feel and believe our loved ones are in a better place with no pain, wants, or needs?  I suppose, but just because it’s not there and just because you can’t touch it or see it doesn’t mean it isn’t real.  We carry a piece of them in our hearts and perhaps it calls to their spirits so when we need a boost, they come and visit.

A few spirits floating around just adds a little flair and excitement.

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I love my church. We focus on how we can help and also remember to examine our own lives before judging anyone else-for anything.  I agree completely that Christians who try to live their lives in a manner similarly to myself have to stand up, voice our thoughts, and be heard.  I know some feel like they won’t be heard or that they may have to deal with being judged. But for myself, Jesus stood up and was judged.  If He could do it, I better at least try.  I’ve gotten burned in the past in voicing an opinion contrary to that of the conversation.  I like when the opposing opinion or one of a different faith, political party, etc. can engage in an actual dialogue.  When one is cut off for having a different perspective, it moves us nowhere fast. At the moment, the issue in question and the hot debate is same-sex marriage.  I am a supporter of it.  I don’t think it should matter who one falls in love with as long as each is committed to the other.  I know same-sex couples are wonderful parents.  My prayer is that it stops being a political maneuver and just becomes reality.  But…I don’t think that will end the debate.  Abortion (which I don’t agree with except in cases of rape or incest-where the woman didn’t have a choice in the situation) is legal and yet that debate hasn’t ended.

And as in the abortion debate, religion often comes up in the discussion.  It comes up with same-sex marriage.  I have read many people saying that if your church doesn’t agree with same-sex marriage to leave your church.  First, I do have freedom of religion and Christianity is a religion so I can still stay with a church.  Second, to people of a younger generation, don’t leave your church.  Stay and help to open their eyes.  I think a big factor in the views on Christian churches “as a whole” is that there are fewer and fewer young people staying in a church. Leaving a church is an option but how much stronger if one were to stay and work within their church to help make changes.

My church is conservative if one were to look at it from the outside and not come in and meet the family. It’s a small country church. But if one were to stay, they would probably be surprised. We collectively work to live as Jesus lived-and while it’s still the country church it started as over 150 years ago, we move with the times, baby.  I can’t say that every member at my church supports same-sex marriage, but I can say that no one at my church would stand in the way of someone who does.  There are so many things we can learn from each other if we listen to the other perspective.  We all need to strive to remember that while we may not persuade the other’s opinion, we would have a deeper understanding of the issue as a whole.

I’ve read some articles today stating, as I wrote above, to leave your church.  That’s asking someone to make a political statement through one’s religion and many of those same people are saying church needs to remember it’s separated from the state.  So again I say, don’t ask someone to abandon one’s faith to make a political statement-encourage someone to help open eyes.  The other reason why that suggestion of leaving one’s church bothers me so much is that Christianity is not a solitary religion.  Yes, my faith is personal.  My worship is with my church family.  My power to help others is multiplied when my church family works together toward a goal.  Jesus did not worship alone.  There were 12 dudes who did the work with Him and supported Him.  There were followers all over the place during His ministry.  Jesus didn’t turn away anyone and that infuriated the politicians and rulers.  My spiritual journey and development is my own and my responsibility, and I work at it to feel more at peace with my Savior, myself, and my family.  In this way, I can help contribute to my family, church, community, and world.

My prayer is for the younger generation to return to their churches and work within to help make positive changes that will benefit our society.

Open our eyes, Lord
We want to see Jesus
To reach out and touch Him
And say that we love Him
Open our ears, Lord
And help us to listen
Open our eyes, Lord
We want to see Jesus

1 John 4:20 But if a man will say, “I love God”, and he hates his brother, he is lying; for he who does not love his brother who is visible, how is it possible for him to love God who is invisible?

1 John 2:9 Whoever says, therefore, that he is in the light and hates his brother, is in darkness still.

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