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Archive for the ‘Musings and Epiphanies’ Category

My universities didn’t have football teams

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , on November 15, 2011| Leave a Comment »

I went to two universities, neither of which had a football team.  Clearly, I am not one who follows college football.  I have heard bits and pieces of the Penn State mess.  My prayers go out to the victims.  My disgust goes out to the pig and the others who knew but turned away.  My awkwardness goes out to the alums, current students, and future students (especially if it’s a family tradition to go there).  How do you say you are proud of a school that covered up such a scandal, potentially in the name of the powerful football dollar?

No.  I haven’t walked in the Penn State student’s shoes.  But I can write that I am not proud of the fact that I used to be Catholic.  I left the Catholic church in ’83, right after I was confirmed. I haven’t been a part of that church for almost 30 years.  I’m sure they do some good for the church members, the community.  I truly hope and pray there are Catholic churches that haven’t been touched by that scandal.  But since they all listen to the Pope…

I am not proud of the fact that the Catholic church I went to did have one of the priests that helped contribute to the scandal.  He got what amounts to a slap on the wrist.  I shudder to think that I knew altar boys there.  I shudder to think of how their lives were impacted by that priest.  And the church knew.  Just as it seems to be shaping up at Penn State, people knew.  People knew and didn’t do anything.

One thing both of these situations have in common is money.  If there is enough money, it can be covered up.  If there is enough money, turn away.  Pretend you don’t see it.  Part of the reason I left the Catholic church.  I can’t pretend I don’t see things that don’t seem to make sense.  Possibly part of the reason I earned my BFA and MA at schools without football.  I never did get all the hype around football.

Sadly this has probably happened since humans began walking the earth.  We all now know about it instantly because of technology.  We learn about it before all of the facts have been gathered-is there any chance of the actual truth coming out now?  Now that snippets have been released, will memories be tainted?  Will people remember things a bit differently?  Do we know how to process it?  Do we know how to react?  Will we ever figure out how to prevent this from continuing to happen?

Most importantly, how do we help the victims heal and move forward from this?  I will pray for them.  That’s one thing I can do.

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Autumnal Leaves

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , , , on November 13, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Once I was done vacuuming the rocket sled (the boys thought it would be fun to see what made the rubber chicken so squishy-little styrofoam balls, in case you were wondering), it was time to participate in suburbia’s annual ridiculousness known as raking the leaves.  When did we forget that God had a pretty good plan when He designed trees?  And the seasons?  The trees lose their leaves and they fall to the ground.  If we were to leave them there, their nutrients would go back into the ground and they naturally mulch plants that need mulching.  But no…here in suburbia, we want neat, well-manicured lawns.

I rebel against this in several ways.  First, today was the second time I raked and dragged the leaves to the curb.  It will be the last for the season.  I’ll just “not have any more time” to work on this task.  This way I’ve conformed enough to the societal demands, yet still leave enough leaves to let them do their natural jobs.  When my neighbor says something, and she will, but always in a gentle way, I’ll simply say it’s tough keeping up and hasn’t the year gone quickly?

Another rebellion is to mow my lawn but keep the height of the mower so the grass doesn’t get a crew cut each time.  This helps keep more moisture if the rains take some time between showering us with water and makes the grass wave ever so slightly in the wind.  I know my lawn is an even mixture of grass and weeds, but the flowers of the weeds are so pretty.

My other rebellion involves my holly trees.  I used to hate them.  They were in bad shape.  They were planted way too close to each other (they came with the house) and in need of serious shaping.  I still haven’t properly shaped them, but I stopped trying to get rid of the natural underbrush that grows around them.  Turns out this provides a lovely home for birds.  Remember the movie Over the Hedge?  We’ve pushed the little woodland animals aside and then with our beautifully manicured lawns, with no underbrush, taken away any possible refuge for the critters.  I read that keeping an area like this in your yard provides a natural habitat for birds and is more effective than any bloody bird house you could stick out there.  The holly trees and the viney plants that grow around them provide shelter, a place to build their nests, protection, and food.  It’s lovely walking by it during the spring and summer-lovely little bird noises coming from it.  During the nesting period, it can be a little tricky for our dog.  Those mama birds interpret him as trouble if he walks too close and he has had a few birds dive bomb at him.  Fortunately, he’s gigantic and we walk away before the birds do anything serious.

So, if you are partaking in suburbia’s ritualistic insanity of undoing the good work God did in designing trees and leaves, go light this year.  You’ll have a greener lawn next year with less work.  Let your dog fertilize your lawn too.  That’s what we do.  For every season…

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Grace and daily life

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on November 12, 2011| 2 Comments »

Grace.  Graciousness.  I ponder this concept daily.  I try to be graceful or gracious each day, but there are moments each day when I lose the grace.  It could be on my commute to work when someone cuts me off…actually whenever this happens I lose the ability to be graceful.  I don’t understand the people who change lanes every few minutes, especially when the flow of traffic is at a crawl.  Do they truly believe that jockeying for a spot in front of one more car in the other lane will get them to work any sooner?  And during these traffic jams, I despise when the motorcycle forgets that we’re supposed to treat them the same as any other full-sized vehicle and magically drive on the dotted lines.  Hello!  Sit in the traffic like the rest of us, you putz.  See, the grace disappears even while writing about it.

Once I lose my cool I then get angry with myself that I lost my grip on grace.  I am getting better at letting that go quickly, but I need to stop losing the grip all together.  I maintain grace pretty well at work (I think).  I feel as though I use up most of the reservoir of grace throughout the work day.  What I have left over at home always seems to take more effort.  I know grace is always attainable, so is it that I’m meaner at home or is that I feel as though the ones I love are able more easily to take me losing grace?  The irony is the ones I want to shower with grace and love and patience seem to get the leftovers.  This is not the way I want it.  I need to be more disciplined in the way I share grace at home, without simply spoiling the boys out of guilt.

The boys are having an awesome streak.  They’ve been very loving, very into sharing, and working their manners like maniacs.  They are in full “I want that for Christmas” mode.  Must avoid commercial television-would help me to keep my grace!  They want everything that isn’t pink.  Most items have lots of small pieces (further challenges to grace).  I can’t see Santa bringing many of those though since they haven’t gained consistency in taking care of the many small pieces they currently possess.

But the big gift they each want is a bike.  Hamilton can ride, with training wheels, but he doesn’t practice very much.  I’ve never even seen Harrison try to ride a bike.  The only good part about this is at least I didn’t miss while I was at work.  If Santa does bring bikes, I really will have to finally get new tires for the bike I bought at a yard sale three or four years ago.  It would be nice to go riding with my sons in the spring.  Hopefully, the cup of grace will be running over when they learn how to ride.

Sleep calls.  One of many ways to recharge the grace battery.

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Jersey Devil Hunt

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on November 7, 2011| Leave a Comment »

On Sunday, the boys and I had a blast hunting for the Jersey Devil.  We made a little film of the boys’ adventure.  This is the trailer to the film.  Hope you enjoy it!

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Grimm fiction and fact

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , on November 4, 2011| Leave a Comment »

I really am enjoying Grimm.  I like the use of the fairy tales and acknowledging that the stories were, in fact, grim in their original incarnations.  The fantastical stories have always been ones I’ve enjoyed.  It would be great if the show inspires folks to read the stories again and revives fairy tales in the world of literature.  I am optimistic that the actors will start to relax a bit and settle into their characters.  They took care of the necessary exposition within the first two episodes, I hope.  Now just keep getting deeper into the legends, the rules, and how the blond chick is involved.  A little bit of X-Files conspiracy action is slowly being built into the series…I hope.

Not changing the channel quickly enough, I then got sucked into another grim show.  Dateline was covering the Michael Jackson trial.  I wasn’t there, I didn’t know the man, but the doc seems like he was involved.  It’s tacky, really tacky, to continually change so many parts of the story when the only person who could truly and accurately counter the doctor’s version is dead.  That’s grim.  Why do people feel so compelled to lie?  In the case of Jackson’s trial, it’s a big deal to be dishonest.  But there is dishonesty in so many parts of this world.  Students lie to teachers, children lie to parents, (and sometimes parents to children) but usually these lies are small lies that won’t impact anything in a large way.  So then why not tell the truth and deal with the consequences (because I can’t let go of Santa yet!)?  I know why the doctor doesn’t want to necessarily tell the truth-he could go to prison.  But why tell the little ones?

Like when I asked my sons who played Tic-Tac-Toe on the wall going up the stairs the answer was “not me, not me.”  Then who did, a ghost?  I know my mother-in-law wouldn’t write on my walls and that’s the only ghost I know of in my house.  Why do they stick with the lie?  But the writing is on the wall-it doesn’t particularly matter that neither one owned up to it, they both will have to work at getting the writing off the wall.  Not as grim as the show or the trial, but still…

Speaking of grim, the fun plans for tomorrow include hunting down the Jersey Devil.  My oldest son is psyched and really hopes we find him.  My youngest son wants nothing to do with it and claimed to have a stomach ache this evening laying the groundwork to cancel the hunt.  It is tricky to satisfy both boys’ hopes for tomorrow.  “Yes, we’ll probably find the Jersey Devil…well, maybe we’ll find some evidence and just enjoy a nice walk in the woods”.  I just hope the “evidence” we find doesn’t include any carcasses.  The older one has already collected bird bones from the neighborhood that he attributed to JD.  Yes, I made him wash his hands for two or three hours.

Ah, boys.  It can be grim.

 

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Holidays-can’t believe they’re here already.

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , on November 3, 2011| Leave a Comment »

When did it get to be November?  I feel like I was eating our traditional New Year’s dinner from Lim Fong only yesterday.  Here it is November.  Halloween is packed away, November’s fall decorations are out, and in no time I’ll be putting out the Christmas decorations.  Many toys are on the boys’ lists.   They work on their lists all year, but it gets intense after Halloween.  The sequence is a brief discussion of what costume they want for next year (which will change at least a dozen times) and then it quickly turns to the toys and presents they simply HAVE TO HAVE.

The day after Thanksgiving we will go to the farm and get the office tree.  The boys help us decorate it.  We also pull out the decorations for the waiting room, patient room, and the house.  But upstairs in the living room, there is no tree.  On Christmas Eve, once again, two pajama-clad boys will stand next to their empty stockings.  They will set out cookies and milk using the special “china” .  When they wake up in the morning, there will be a fully decorated tree, filled stockings, and presents all over the floor, spreading out from under the tree.  Santa does an amazing job each year.  He’s really considerate too.  He does the “some assembly required” on the big toys so the boys can start playing with them right away.  Santa doesn’t wrap his presents, just grabs them from his sack.  Mom and Dad do wrap their presents and the boys will tear through the paper, and then try to look excited since Santa gives all the cool presents.

I do love this whole season of holidays…from Halloween through New Year’s.  So wonderfully festive.  But we don’t need the Christmas music yet.  Please…not yet.

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Phone Acting

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on November 3, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Have you ever noticed that some actors are terrible at phone acting?  They are supposed to be on the phone and they have a blank look on their faces and it seems as if they are counting sheep until they say their next line.  I hate that.  You don’t sit on the phone with a blank look on your face.  You are reacting as you do when talking face to face.  In general, sit-com actors are terrible at phone acting–not all, but most.  Some film actors do it well.  Dustin Hoffman.  He can pull off phone acting.  Meryl Streep.  My dear Kenneth Branagh.  Julia Roberts on occasion.  When an actor is bad at it, it completely breaks the suspension of disbelief for the audience.  It smacks you back into reality and you realize there is no one else on the other line.  How hard is it to be engaged in a conversation?  Imagine what the lines would be if the other character were on the other end of the line.  It’s not that difficult.  Think about when you are on the phone.  You gesture, you make faces, you multi-task and do other things.  Community theater actors are typically not good at this, I am sad to say.  This should be required in all acting classes as far as I am concerned.  That’s just my opinion.

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Oh what a night….

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , on October 29, 2011| Leave a Comment »

late December back in 63…oh, wait, it’s only late October. Then why is there a snowstorm raging on my birthday? I’m used to the crisp autumn weather on my birthday. The scent of wood burning stoves filling the air, the sound of leaves crunching under your feet, and the glow of jack-o’-lanterns lighting front porches. It’s odd watching scary movies and then looking out the window and seeing snow swirling around the sky.

Ah, birthdays. I’ve always liked my birthday. Always had Halloween themed birthday parties. It’s always festive and everywhere is decorated making for a fun time to get a little older. I don’t mind getting older. As one of my students once told me, I’m not old, I’m cultured. So I’m a bit more cultured today.

Actually, what made me feel a bit more cultured lately is watching the ever-developing relationship of my sons. They were in trouble a week ago or so and as I was talking to them (I’m sure sounding like a grown-up from Charlie Brown), I noticed they were holding hands. A little show of solidarity against the parental figure. Then last night they announced they finally feel like brothers. They said they used to feel 1/4 like brothers, then 1/2, then 1/2 and 1/4 (which I explained was 3/4), but tonight they were full brothers. I can’t say I understand it at all, but they have gotten along beautifully the past couple of days so I’m not questioning it. They did things when I asked them to the first time I asked them. They are using their manners, sharing things without being asked to, and generally being the sweetest boys I’ve ever met.

We played Doodle Dice today and went to a Harvest (Halloween) party at church. We had an awesome day. The full-fledged brothers are enjoying life quite nicely.

As much as I say I don’t understand it, I think I might. They are growing up. They are closer to each other than they each were with me, individually. They used to turn to Mom for stuff, now it makes more sense to turn to brother. They have common memories and experiences that have brought them closer. They have come to realize they share more in common, they know what each other is feeling. They know what each other is going through. I am so happy they are full-fledged brothers. This is a bond I hope they share their entire lives.

My job is clear. Support them, love them, encourage them. All the things I’ve been doing to the best of my ability. And give them their own space and time together. Let them have their secrets, their private conversations, their shared dreams. And enjoy hearing them giggle in bed as they fall asleep.

Greatest birthday gift ever.

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Halloween Spooktacular!

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on October 21, 2011| Leave a Comment »

This evening was spent with two of my favorite guys, my sons.  We went to the school’s Halloween Spooktacular!  On Tuesday, when my sons asked to go to it, I realized that I now had three days to make their costumes instead of the ten I thought I had for the Harvest Party we’ll be going to on October 29th.  I stayed up rather late the past few night to make a clown costume and the cape for the Headless Horseman.  Neither was completely finished for this evening, but…I think the costumes turned out pretty good on three nights of work.

The boys had a blast.  They also were not overly embarrassed that I was the only non-volunteer parent in full costume.  Not many more years when that will be the case.

I realize full well that they will not want home-made costumes much longer (in fact, my youngest had a store-bought last year, he really wanted to be the Creature from the Black Lagoon).  I adore making their costumes.  I love that they enjoy coming up with their own ideas and use Halloween as another way to demonstrate their uniqueness.  There was only one clown and one Headless Horseman at the party tonight.  They also did not win the costume contest for their grades.  Store-bought costumes won.  This was not the trend when I was younger, but then again, store-bought costumes weren’t the trend either.

It was a hard lesson for my oldest however he handled it really well.  He didn’t ask to leave right away and he reflected about the experience as I was tucking them into bed.  He said that while he was sad and disappointed that he didn’t win, he still had a really good time.

He also aid I “totally deserve to sleep in tomorrow” after staying up the past few nights.  They do have sweet moments.  I love them so and wish I got to spend the majority of my waking time with them.  Soon I will not be cool.

My youngest didn’t want to Monster Mash with me.  He used to dance with me in public.  They wanted to go trick-or-treating “on their own” but that didn’t float.  I’m seeing each day more and more that they are claiming more and more independence.  It’s bittersweet.  I know they are supposed to do that, but why so soon?

The Spooktacular was spectacular.  We sang “Thriller” together, ate many yummy treats, and enjoyed the festivities.  “These are the days of our lives” (Queen).  The moments that happen…as John Lennon sang “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.  I enjoyed life with my sons tonight.

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An Evening with Edgar Allan Poe

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , , on October 12, 2011| Leave a Comment »

What a wonderful time of year to introduce your sons to Poe.  Tonight my sons and I enjoyed reading “The Masque of the Red Death”, “The Haunted Palace”, and “The Raven”.  As my sons are only six and eight, we obviously discussed the Red Death paragraph by paragraph, even sentence by sentence, to assist with comprehension.  Still, I knew they’d be interested.  Gothic literature, plague, grand settings, a wonderfully macabre story of elite party guests being trapped and killed by a wicked disease that kills in thirty minutes.  What boy wouldn’t love this story?

I love that my sons are comfortable enough to ask about what they don’t know.  Very William Shatner of them.  They were quite opinionated about the Red Death.  My oldest commented how stupid they were to think that by simply locking themselves away wouldn’t protect them from germs since germs aren’t stopped by a locked door.  With “The Raven”, to be truthful, they got tired of the bird saying “Nevermore”, which reminded me of Bart Simpson’s “eat my shorts”.

“The Haunted Palace” is very sad.  The images of the ghosts floating around, the tattered memories.  The most fun part for me was to get my sons engaged in one of my favorite authors.  The detail in the descriptions and narratives are stunning and create such images for the reader to embrace.  The descriptions of the seven rooms of the apartment in Red Death are exquisite.  To help my sons relate to it, we counted the rooms on our second floor (seven) but imagined each room was as big as our entire second floor.  It helped them to visualize how massive the structure was.  As we read about each room and the colors, we looked around at similar colors in our home.  To capture the picture of the stained glass window, we looked at the small stained glass panel hanging in our living room window and imagined how it would appear with flames shining behind it.

Many people would think that eight and six-year-old boys aren’t ready for Poe, or Hamlet, which they’ve already been introduced to.  The same goes for The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  We use different ways to help them connect to it and that includes film.  Particularly for Hamlet, as play are to be seen.  Each story is creepy and connects to our sons.  And, why not?  Life is too short to wait to learn about these awesome stories.

Anyhoo (to quote our eldest’s favorite colloquialism) I must away.  Till tomorrow.  Pleasant dreams of the Red Masque…

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