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Archive for the ‘Musings and Epiphanies’ Category

Wally & PB

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on June 5, 2016| Leave a Comment »

Truthfully, PB doesn’t like Wally.  PB is my Prolapsed Bladder. I’ve had PB even longer than I’ve had Wally. PB reared its ugly head after the birth of Younger Son.  See, I’m not very tall, but most of my height is in my legs. Very short torso. And my sons were on the bigger side. Each was two weeks early. Older son weighed 7 lb 15 oz and Younger Son weighed 8 lb 9 oz. They both dropped into position by the sixth or seventh month and then just rested their big ol’ heads on my bladder till the time came to push those same big ol’ heads out of my whowho. About a month after Younger Son was born, I went to my checkup and told the doctor it just felt weird down there, uncomfortable. She said those famous gyno words, “come closer to the edge and we’ll have a look”. She looked and said, “well, no wonder you’re uncomfortable, your bladder is hanging out of your vagina”. She put it back and things had been mostly manageable till Wally came along.

So PB can’t wait for Wally to leave. I’m still walking, still eating a better diet, and still attempting yoga. That hurts and I don’t like it. There is nothing restful or peaceful about it-yet. But I am sure as I continue to widdle Wally down to size, it will get better. When I walk I now do a little torso twist to make Wally a bigger part of the experience. I probably look like an asshole, but I don’t care.

 

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Everyone else has a CAUSE, why shouldn’t I?

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on May 15, 2016| Leave a Comment »

Tourette’s Syndrome (TS) is not uncontrollable cursing. Uncontrollable cursing is coprolalia, and while it does have a slightly higher occurrence in people with TS, it’s not TS.

That is my first myth debunked during this Tourette’s Syndrome Awareness Month which runs from May 15 to June 15.

Fact: TS is a neurological disorder characterized by repetitive and involuntary movements and vocalizations called tics. The disorder is named for Dr. Georges Gilles de la Tourette, the French neurologist who first described the condition in 1885.

Important Person with TS: Younger Son. He was diagnosed when he was seven, three years ago. Hence, why it is my cause.

I will share facts, debunk myths, and highlight an important person who also happens to have TS during the month. Help break some if the stereotypes by reading these posts and sharing the information.

I love What About Bob? as much as the next person, but it set back TS quite a bit. These little tidbits of knowledge will help spread the facts about TS.

And in case you love adding a ribbon, the TS color (as far as I know) is teal. 😀 And for Younger Son, his favorite emoji: 💩

Have a happy day!

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Where’s Wally?

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on May 13, 2016| Leave a Comment »

A friend commented that one day we could ask, “Where’s Wally?” I realized we could make a series of books. Everyone loves a hidden picture book. We could hide wiggly, jiggly Wally (yes, a cartoon version of my big ol’ belly) in various settings that one could typically find a belly like him in.

The first book would be Where’s Wally?: Perimenopause Edition. There could be a picture of women with thinning hair, strands floating in the air, piles of hair on the floor. And hidden somewhere in the room is Wally. Next page has women having hot flashes. Women fanning themselves, sweat dripping from their brows, Wally hidden among the puddles of sweat on the floor. Next picture is a room with women walking around trying to remember why they entered the room, Wally hidden under a sculpture or a macrame scarf, an item no one came in looking for. Then fatigue room, women dozing at their desks, Wally hidden on a desk lamp or behind a framed picture of some woman’s children.

The hardest picture, at the end of the book, right after the mood swing page, would be the “weight gain in the torso” area page. Now this would be tricky, a lot of decoy Wallys in the room.

I could sell the book to cardiologists, gynecologists specializing in a peri & post menopausal practice, day spas, anywhere the target audience goes with a waiting room.

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Meet Wally

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on May 12, 2016| Leave a Comment »

So after Bear died I ate a lot of grief. Put on 25 pounds in about a month. Then I kept eating and the holidays came and I put on about 15 more pounds. I grew quite a belly. Today I named it Wally.

Now I know what they say, once you name it, it’s harder to get rid of it. But Wally really makes his presence known throughout the day so I felt he deserved a name instead of just the litany of curse words I’ve been calling it.

I have no plans of keeping him. He gets on my nerves constantly. He is very intrusive, has cut my wardrobe options in half, and is way too jiggly for my liking.

Now I know I’ll never be buff, wear a bikini, or exist again below 150 pounds, but I can evict Wally. I’ve been making strides. I have a great support team, Hubby, my sons & my two BFFs. They all help. Hubby buys my new foods-it’s a change of life diet, not dieting. My sons make me laugh, working out Wally’s former muscles. My BFFs motivate me, and also make me laugh. Okay, they all make me laugh.

I will laugh Wally away.

So far I’ve lost 7 pounds.

I am actually exercising regularly, not just the bullshit exercise I usually claim to do when my doctor asks if I’m exercising.

So I am taking baby steps to change my lifestyle to get rid of Wally. I felt I should introduce him before he leaves.

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Pardon me while I bleed

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on May 3, 2016| Leave a Comment »

Periods.

They are the key to making a new life and a pain in the ass till perimenopause.

My journey began 33 years ago. In my teen years, it was an annoyance that I complained about because everyone else did. I would take all of my fake complaints back if I knew how hard some girls had it. My period arrived every 28 days between 1:00 and 1:10 PM like clockwork. Little to no cramping with a craving for chocolate on the first day and salty sweet the next four. No night flow. We’re talking dream cycle. By my twenties I could tell when I was ovulating and from which ovary. For 29 years except for the 18 months I was pregnant. It went right back to schedule after each son was born.

Some women experience hell with their periods and my heart goes out to them. But I can’t write about it because I had a cakewalk for 29 years.

I did fall into societal norms and hid my tampon or pad when I had to change it at a public place or work. Even now, I still hide it up my sleeve, in my waistband, or, if there is one, in my pocket. Those new period panties seem like they could be amazing, but since I am almost done my journey, I am not making that investment.

Perimenopause began four years ago or so in my early forties. I had my left ovary removed when I was 37 because of a benign tumor so it arrived a little early. Not horrible at first, just lost my clockwork cycle. But since I needed a little protection for the prolapsed bladder on an increasingly regular basis, I was poised and ready for any surprises.

Then other aspects started to infiltrate. Night sweats, hot flashes. More than that, my entire body temperature changed. I could handle cold better than I ever could before, and I am still not crazy from the heat.

Insomnia. Not my first dance so I could adjust (and I can use the time productively, like posting to my humble blog).

Adult acne. Um, hello? How is this fair in any way?

Hair loss. Not happy about this one, but my hair style helps to hide it.

Lack of sex drive. Seriously? After all the years of bleeding out of my whoowhoo, you take that away now, when I need something to hang onto? Acne and hair thinning weren’t enough of a bitch slap in the face?

Weight gain. What’s new? Fatigue. Please, I pushed two humans out of me. Then chased them around for four to six years, while working full time, no nanny. Come at me with something else.

And then a glorious thing happened. I went five months without my period. Oh, could the end be in sight? Could I just have seven more months?

Welcome to day 8 of the period from Satan himself.
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It’s like all the stuff I never had to deal with is wrapped up in this one period. Heavy flow, day and night. Cramps. Bloating. Cravings for chocolate all day everyday. Plus my hot flashes, insomnia, and fatigue. Or I’m just tired from the freakin’ blood loss. I’m sure I’m down a few pints. I feel like it’s penance for the 29 easy years.

And we don’t talk about it. I forgot! This is breaking the rules! Sorry, but I’m bleeding over here and I’m sharing my little story with my fellow bleeders. My one bestie said, and I quote, “F#@%, I don’t want to hit perimenopause.” My hope is that it’s the opposite of what your years of periods were like. Now I have cramps and pain and stuff that I feel actually warrants the complaining that I used to do to fit in. “Oh, yeah, I hate when I’m ragging it.” Or the classic “surfing the crimson wave” or just three little letters, PMS.

And still, this will pass. And it’s not as bad as others have to experience every month. So I’ll quit my whining.

So maybe, if you had a truly difficult journey to menopause, then perimenopause is easier. I know there is no medical evidence for this, but let me dream. Because then it will be easier for two of my besties. And I am happy to blaze this path first, being the oldest (which they love to remind me of). 😉

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Musical Theater Tenor

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , on April 21, 2016| Leave a Comment »

This evening I had some quality me time as Hubby was kind enough to let me go into Philly for a friend’s final doctoral recital. This amazingly talented young man sang at our wedding 14 years ago and Hubby knows of the large soft spot I have for this gent, for many reasons. I don’t know that the gent even knows how deep my fondness for him goes, but that isn’t the point. I know, and I maintain my level of trolling on fb to keep up with his glorious adventures as best I can.

One of the reasons I adore this gent is his amazing ability to evoke emotion. Ah, gentle reader, you may recall that’s one of my favorite aspects of the human experience. Welp, tonight he evoked emotions left and right. Somehow I managed to walk out with some mascara still on my lashes. His voice-he is a countertenor, so hauntingly beautiful it evokes images of the poetry of Victorian Romanticism. But this evening he sang in tenor. In my world, his voice ranks up there with Freddie’s. Oh my lanta, I wrote it. His control, richness, quality, and lots of other aspects put them together for me. They’re different, but equally amazing.

You know how Freddie could just scat and the audience would echo it back? You know how Freddie could just vocalize, sing random vowel sounds, and you could feel it in your soul? Same gift. Same blessing bestowed upon this gent. In one of the numbers, I believe it was called “Flight”, (you can yell at me later for not already knowing this beautiful song), he filled the hall with a myriad of emotions just with “ah”. Not many can do that. I can’t. He was raucous and bawdy while singing to us about ” Buddy’s Blues”. He had me weeping while he sang “If I Didn’t Believe in You”.

His accompanist was obviously talented at tickling the ivories, but more importantly he knew how to follow the singer. And he did with flair and bravado. That piano sounded like a full orchestra at times. And as I sat there in the theater I knew my mother-in-law was watching me with Bear at her side commenting that I cry too much. Bear would have probably gone with me. This was one of the types of events we would enjoy together. Of course if he had, we’d still be there because he’d still be talking with the accompanist!

After the official program was over, the gent thanked his fabulous pianist and sat down at the piano himself for one last number. A song special to him for his own reasons, and to his mother, who he sang it for. It’s a song special to many, me included, and I do believe the lady sitting behind me was a crying fool during the song like I was. My brother affectionately calls it “Avalanche” and if you think a wee bit you’ll know which song Ms. Nicks shared with the world. That song is like “Vienna” by Billy Joel. It crosses generations and all other boundaries. So many find meaning in it, even decades later.

Many emotions were evoked. And tonight I discovered a little wisdom that I’ve worked hard to gain. I was happy to be Salieri watching, listening, to Mozart. I left the hall feeling energized and full of life. That’s all.

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Laugh

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on April 18, 2016| 1 Comment »

I’ve been laughing a lot more lately. Friday night my two friends and I had our girls’ night and I laughed so hard I had four physical reactions. 1. Cried, tears streaming down my face. 2. My sides HURT. 3. I snorted like the little pink pig I am. And 4. Peed just a bit, but I’m so poised it was fine. I missed laughing. I like it.

Then of course there is the bitmoji laughter because I am just that mature. The fart one and be right back (closing the stall door) get me every freaking time. I clearly will never grow up.

And simply talking with my girlfriends, in person or via chat, just makes me giggle. Sometimes it is about more serious stuff, or talking about this more mature stage of our lives (physically, not mentally. Fart jokes still make us giggle). We can ask each other those questions that you wish you had an instruction manual for, but don’t and I can share how clueless I am. No shame, no judging.

We cheer each other on, we motivate each other. We give our shoulders when there are tears. I have leaned very heavily on them these past months and they have been amazing, strong women keeping me strong.

We have always shared a love for the movie Practical Magic. And they are my coven. Granted, we’ve never killed a guy and buried him in a yard, but we would if we had to. 😉

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We stand up for each other when one of us can’t stand on our own. We’re quite different in many ways, but those differences make us stronger. And we focus on the many things we share. That’s our bond.  That’s how our craft works, and as Sally said, there’s no devil in the craft. It’s about love.

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Social Media Can Be Really Creepy

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies on April 11, 2016| Leave a Comment »

I got a new job three months ago. It’s been a very good change in my life. I’m much more relaxed, pleasant to be around, and my sons tell me I’m far less angry when I get home. I have tons more energy and have been doing more projects that had sat ignored for quite some time. It could be finally watching a movie (Love & Mercy, finally watched Erin Brokovich, kid you not). Or it’s a house project like painting the stairs and adding to the whimsical nature of our home.

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But I have also been “trolling” social media. I know that putting it in quotes shows my age, but a troll lives under a bridge in my world ad I try not to be that creepy. Anyhoo, some people are crossing boundaries. In so many ways. Fans post to actors and musicians like they actually know them and a few give me the creeps. I wouldn’t want to be the one they are sending the message to and yes, blocking is smart.

But then social media has many good things, now that I really sit and process it, instead of just skimming headlines and updates. The lost and found pet networks are amazing. All the smiling, goofy pictures posted on sibling day. Every day being a national something day-it’s fun. Seeing old friends, even virtually.

But the creepy ones…🤔

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52 Weeks

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on April 2, 2016| Leave a Comment »

I’ve been avoiding Instagram. Well, social media in general, including this blog. I finally logged back into my Instagram and saw this post.

https://www.instagram.com/p/09I-8dECCa/

The date at the bottom says: 52 weeks. Yes, a year since I took what would become my final picture of me and my Bear. We saw Bear a lot between this picture (April 1, 2015) and the car accident. But still, some picture had to be my last one with him. This is a pretty good one for it to be. Each time I look at my 15 year clock, I think of him. He had to open the gift-wrapped box in the parking lot, like a little kid, so he could see what the gift was and then, open the box to see the actual clock.

Younger and Older Sons have cried this week. Both miss him so much. Younger son got his baseball jersey today, looked at the number, and was somewhat indifferent, but he didn’t say he disliked it. When I said Bearpaw must have picked it for him, younger son asked why. I reminded  him that Bearpaw was born in 1939, so 39 was perfect for him. His smile beamed from ear to ear. He doesn’t cry going to the ballpark anymore (the last time we saw Bearpaw was at the ballpark). He is beginning to love baseball again.

52 weeks. I sang “Happy Birthday” to him at the cemetery this past Thursday. It’s still so surreal.

And, as a geeky side note, ’39 by Queen is one of my faves.

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Twitter Mousse

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on April 2, 2016| Leave a Comment »

So I go to Twitter, scrolling for some political tweets and I get sidetracked by posts like this one:

http://mentalfloss.com/article/78053/americas-12-best-chocolate-mousses

Now all I can think about is how to get to Chicago for #8.

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