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Posts Tagged ‘fibromyalgia’

A small green capsule

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on March 12, 2012| Leave a Comment »

For the past five or six years I have had rather intense physical pain on a daily basis.  (See the earlier posts when I’ve been exceptionally whiny.)  I went to several doctors and they ran the auto-immune tests (all negative, remember, it’s never lupus).  They did discover a tumor in one ovary and a wonderfully routine surgery later, I had one less ovary and fallopian tube.  Didn’t make me feel any better and blessedly it was a benign tumor.  Finally the rheumatologist gave me the diagnosis of fibromyalgia.  Basically it fit, but it is a diagnosis by omission.  Rule out everything else and that’s what you’re left with for the reason behind the pain.  The neurologist said the neuropathy in the hands, wrists, feet, and ankles wasn’t related and couldn’t figure out why it happened but that we would monitor it.

Recently I remembered (after being reminded by the same friend who initially told me) about possible thyroid issues that could cause the problems I’ve been having.  Back to the doctors again.  I asked the nurse practitioner to check the thyroid and during the exam, I answered a lot of questions.  The nurse practitioner decided to check some other stuff too, including my vitamin D levels.

If only the vitamin D levels had been checked years ago.

Explains just about everything.

I don’t know how long it will take the little green capsule to work, but to even think that I might not be in pain by the end of the year is amazing.  I’m guessing it will take a while to get the levels back to normal.  The levels are rather low.  The first little green capsule didn’t do anything yet.  From what I’ve read (not much, just found out today) it will take time to undo the damage caused by the low levels.  Years worth of low levels.  My hubby of course wants to know what caused the deficiency.  At the moment, I don’t care.  If a small green capsule will fix the deficiency and get rid of the pain, I want to focus on that for the time being.

I am daring to let myself think that one morning, I don’t know when, but sooner than I ever thought, I will put my feet on the floor and it won’t hurt.  I won’t need to take 1,000mgs of ibuprofen to start the day, repeating this again later in the day.  There will be a day when it doesn’t hurt to type,  Yes, typing hurts my fingers.  My hip bones won’t scream at me in the middle of the day.  My joints might actually be useful again as the pain begins to fade.  I am daring to think that I will have enough energy without pain to spend time with my sons in the evening doing more than just sitting in a chair and having them bring stuff to me.  Those nights I do stifle the pain and take care of family business, I pay for it over the next few days.  But soon my bones may actually not hurt anymore.

Do I dare dream?  Yep.  This is the first sliver of hope in years.  Held inside a small green capsule.

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Really? I’m supposed to feel this tired?

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on December 22, 2011| Leave a Comment »

A few years ago I was feeling tired and sore all the time.  Went to lots of appointments, found an unrelated growth in the left ovary (bye, bye left ovary) and was finally told I have fibromyalgia and may have had it for years.  I used to take one of the meds that can be used to treat it for another issue but went off that med as we were trying to get pregnant.  Then I was pregnant, nursing, pregnant, nursing and so attributed the physical pain to that.  Yet after finishing nursing with my youngest, I still felt pain all the time and really tired and all the other lovely symptoms that go with fibromyalgia.

I choose not to use the medicines because of the dreadful side effects.  With that choice, there is a lot of pain.  Usually it is tolerable.  Lately though it has been taking a lot of effort to get through the work day.  By the time I get home, I am completely wiped.  I make sure to use whatever energy I can summon up to have time with my sons and then I collapse.

My hands hurt.  My wrists, ankles, knees, hips, shoulders.  My appetite is inconsistent.  There are other issues but no one really wants to read about those particularly if you just ate, are about to eat, or ever want to enjoy eating again.

Please know that while this really does sound like a whiny series of complaints, it is not meant to be.  I am simply stating my daily existence.  It’s a blessed existence and I can handle it, but I’m behind right now in prepping for the holidays.  I am mostly writing about this to reaffirm for myself that it does not have to be perfect, family knows what one’s house truly looks like, and the boys will have an awesome Christmas making lovely new memories to cherish forever.

And I will have over a week to not have to go to work.  I love my job.  I’ve had a particularly lovely semester.  I just cannot believe how tired I am.  Remember, I’m not old, I’m cultured.  Yet I feel ancient.  The pain in my fingers when I type is almost unbearable.  Yes, I appreciate the irony that I’m typing right now.  My ability to write with a pen or pencil is failing miserably.  My signature is unrecognizable to me at this point.

But over a week without having to go through the almost 30 mile commute and all the miserable people who drive without regard for the other cars on the highway.  Over a week to be with my sons and husband.  Over a week to work on our home during the few hours each day when the pain is not as bad.  I can get adjustments from my hubby and maybe my right arm will stop being numb.

Okay, this is a whiny series of complaints.  Pity party is over.  I would love to write that I feel empowered and rejuvenated from getting this off my chest.  But I am still simply going to go to bed.  Good night.

 

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