and I stumbled. I regrouped and at least pulled in some grace at the last minute to apologize for losing control of my emotions in an unprofessional manner. I dreaded this evening’s task for months. I procrastinated and ignored it to the best of my ability. This task is also one of the items I will be purging in an attempt to live that simpler life, but alas, two more times with this task and I’ll be done.
Yes, I am going to be ambiguous about what task was except to say it was not work related. What it had that is so bothersome for me is an underbelly. And a seedy one at that. Lots of places, companies, governments, institutions, etc. have an underbelly. I suppose it’s the nature of the beast. I simply am not comfortable with a position that requires a lot of interaction with the underbelly. It is easy to control how much underbelly I contend with at work, but this task…not so much. I tried to hold myself together and remain composed. I did until the very end and then it came spewing forth.
Mu hubby asked me what I was doing and I said “blogging about tonight.” The sweet man that he is said I was graceful or gracious simply in that I wasn’t ungracious and I did keep my composure at key times. He said he would have been more worried if I had been oblivious to the events that occurred during the task as it would demonstrate apathy at new depths for me. I would love to write that I am apathetic toward the whole thing, but then I would be a liar tonight too. Big hugs and kisses to my hubby for having my back.
Which he truly did. I was so upset at one point that I left the room and took a walk with my sons. They threw coins in the fountains and made wishes. I thanked them for being so well-behaved tonight. Meanwhile, my hubby was in the room speaking my mind for me since he knows my stance on the matter. As my sons and I headed back, my oldest said his wishes came true. See, I promised I would give them new toys as thanks for their good behavior. He said one of his wishes was for a new toy. The other was that I would stop crying. And they helped me stop crying. They filled me back up with God’s grace with their warm hugs and accolades for being such a good mommy. They reminded me I am blessed.
We went back to the room and I read what my hubby had said and it helped me remain composed for the rest of the night. Until the end when a straw broke the proverbial camel’s back. I was emotional. I probably lacked clarity. I also owned my behavior by going back in to apologize. Then we went home.
Yes, simplicity and grace were challenged, I did stumble, but I regained my footing with the help of my three stooges and I will learn from the experience. Walking away is always an option. It is a simple and graceful option. Simplicity and grace, I seek you still.
ohbloodyhell8 