ohbloodyhell8

Am I a good mom? Just never know. I do the best I can but some days I question myself more than other days. Today was one of those days. Seems my sons move too much, are too disrespectful, and their behavior is disappointing. Hmmm…that all reflects back on parenting, doesn’t it? The funny thing is they were moving when they were supposed to, and while some choices today were disrespectful, today wouldn’t have happened without two very giving choices they made, and those same choices demonstrated behavior that helped the greater good even if it meant the boys were out of their comfort zones.

We did a skit at church today. That should explain the moving. The children were using masks in a style inspired by a combination of Greek theater and Kabuki for the skit. They moved them and rotated them at specific times. But my sons were the only ones commented about for moving too much. While they didn’t follow directions perfectly throughout the morning (disrespectful and disappointing behavior), if my two sons hadn’t stepped up and taken the two roles they played, the skit would have been a lot shorter. No one else wanted to have a speaking part. Not my sons’ first choices either, but they went out of their comfort zones to help their mom while she was directing yet another skit at church.

What did I learn from today? I know my sons have interests that are not mine and I know they try to support me in my interests. But I won’t make them be in any more skits at church. They’ll have to be jumping up and down, begging to be in it before I’ll think they really want to be in it. I also learned that my sons talk to me about everything and share how they are feeling and that will make a big difference in their lives. Just as I finally realized that they need help remembering to keep their rooms clean, and that cleaning the room when it gets totally out of hand is too big of a job for them alone, I need to not spend as much time on my interests yet. I spent at least 15 hours outside of church working on the skit. That’s 15 hours on lots of wonderful children, but not 15 hours spent in depth with the two children most wonderful to me. While I enjoy keeping a toe in theater, in any capacity, much like when I did Mame, it’s just not quite a good fit yet. Next skit would have to remain self-contained in the time at church. Or maybe someone will volunteer to direct the next one. Okay, and back to reality. I’ll do the first idea-completely self-contained in church!

I didn’t get offered a spring class at the university-cut backs, but the extra time gained from not grading papers has been great. I like finding the silver lining in that. Spending four or five weeks on a skit and on the performance day having my sons leave crying, not the silver lining I was looking for. They helped with the stuff at home so we did spend time together while doing the work, but it was something for my interest, not their interest. I feel like a parent should be supporting their kids more than the other way around. I know kids support their parents–I get that should be there too-but shouldn’t more support being going from parent to child? I’m being selfish if I force them to be dragged to my interests, sacrificing their interests in the process. And being in a skit isn’t really their thing, it’s a “let’s help out Mom in her thing” thing.

It was a day full of ups and downs. I will not remember the skit, not my sons crying about what they were told, but instead remember the deep belly-laughs as we returned home from 7-11 with nachos and Slurpees. I’ll remember how we laughed during our discussion about what to have autographed by David Bowie. I’ll remember that we watched Labyrinth cuddled up on the couch, staying up a little past bedtime in the process.