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Archive for the ‘Musings and Epiphanies’ Category

The schedule will become even tighter than usual over the next couple of weeks and will stay that way for about six weeks.  I’ll be working my regular job during the day and then teaching at night four nights a week.  With this upcoming restriction to my time with my family, the time with them this week has been all the sweeter.  It has forced simplicity to the foreground.  The five minutes alone with each son after work matters.  The ten minutes with my husband is sweet.  The quiet time once the boys are asleep is valuable.  I am multi-tasking quite wisely.  I’m not trying to over multi-task, but throwing in a load of laundry before dinner and then after dinner throwing it into the dryer.  I can fold it tomorrow.

Dinner was not rushed and the conversation with the family was fun and free-flowing.  The boys took their showers with minimal resistance because of the promise of Lego building once they were all squeaky clean.  They got to hear two pages of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (only two pages because they had to brush their teeth).  More pages tomorrow.

I watched Murder by Death this evening but also wrote three case studies for one of my classes.  I cleaned up the dining room table.

The odd thing is that even though the schedule is getting tighter, I’ve been accomplishing a lot in little bits and pieces.  Some folks say they work better under pressure.  I don’t always, but right now I am and that’s a lovely surprise.

And each day I’ve spent some time with God.  Praying about the boys and their days at school.  Praying for patience at work in each task I need to complete so I accomplish it as well as I can.  Praying for grace and patience with my sons before work in the brief time we share each morning.  And again at night in the hours we spend together before bedtime.  I want to let them stay up late each night but that’s not fair for them.  They truly need their rest since they are growing boys!  I need quiet time at night to take care of house work and my own thoughts.  I need to go to sleep by a reasonable hour as well.

Little changes in schedule and habits can release such energy.  I feel like I am accomplishing more in each day.  It’s powered by time with God and my family.  Try a little change in the schedule.  See what you can do when you shake things up a bit and add a dash of simplicity and grace.

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I am speaking of a very specific type of simplicity today.  Decluttering.  Why can I never finish this process?  I dread to think that I am simply that lazy.  I feel like every weekend I work on clearing a pile here or there or everywhere, but the next weekend, there always seemed to be a new pile in it’s place.

The piles create themselves as each day there are things I plan to sort through-they seem so important-so I set them in a pile.  By the time I actually get to it, they have become obsolete.  I am working on making it a habit to simply deal with whatever it is the first time it enters the house.  I am working on making it a habit to purge a pile a day until they are gone.

I look back over the week and I wonder why the piles are still here.  Part of it is laziness.  It seems overwhelming to try to add in decluttering at the end of the day.

But most days there just isn’t time for it at all.  One thing I made progress with is not berating myself over the clutter when I balance the existence of the clutter with what I did that day.  Today was a fun day.  I went solo to church and had a really fun, connection-filled Sunday school class.  (At least it seemed like the children made connections!)  Stopped by Dunkin’ Donuts on the way home to surprise the boys.  Mowed the lawn and then headed to swimming.  The boys had their last swim lesson and older son is swimming.  At yesterday’s penultimate lesson, the kickboard floated away from him and he swam over to get it.  I explained to him that if he can swim to get the kickboard, he doesn’t need the kickboard.  He made the connection.  🙂  Younger son can swim when he isn’t goofing off.  Once I pointed out to him that there were only a few minutes left, he focused and had a great lap.

Then we surprised my mom at work to wish her an early happy mother’s day.  It was Kite Day at her workplace but we got there after the bulk of the festivities were done so it wasn’t too crowded.  She was happy to see her grandsons and her daughter.  We met the two lab puppies and one really looked like Brigs when he was a pup.  And I didn’t even cry.  I actually smiled.  That’s a good thing.

When we got home, the boys tried out the kites their Nana gave them as I made crescent roll pizza  and mozzarella sticks.  We then settled in to watch a movie.  By the time they were in bed, snug as bugs in rugs, it was 10:00.

And the piles sit, staring at me.  Welp, they can watch me sleep.

As I reflect on the childhood we have been building for our sons, I smile.  I cry.  I laugh.  I pray each day that when they are all grown up, they look back and think of their childhoods with a big smile on their faces.  I hope they notice we tried to surround it with simplicity so they could nurture their imaginations.  Right now they just think we’re mean for not giving them a game system and unlimited time with the television.  They don’t think we’re mean when we tell them to read or play with their Legos or trains or dinosaurs, so I know it’s working on some levels.

Simplicity can be a clutter filled house.  The piles of boxes are not actually boxes.  Two of them are a music studio, some of them are part of an IFO (Identified Flying Object to the boys, a UFO to everybody else since they don’t know what it is).  Stacks of books sit in front of the book shelves because we have too many books.  Okay, I don’t think we have too many, but anyone who ever helped us move will say otherwise.  We just need more shelves.  There are booby traps on the bedroom closet doors and science experiments in the bathroom.  Baskets are filled with school work that is still too precious (according to me) or too important (according to the boys) to recycle.

Examining a quest with a different perspective can bring peace to it.  My quest for simplicity has been there all along.  Just because my simplicity is different doesn’t mean it isn’t simplicity.  As I have been coming to realize this glaringly obvious truth, I have found more time to work on the piles.  While those piles used to always get replaced with a new one, that’s not always happening now.

Simplicity has been running from me, alluding me for some time.  Either it’s getting tired and slowing down or I’m catching up to it.

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This evening younger son came out of the bedroom after being tucked in as he usually has over the past few weeks.  Lucky for him I didn’t accuse him of crying wolf and send him straight back to the bedroom since tonight there was an actual problem.

Older son has been recording his music on a very old cassette player/recorder (think Walkman) that Hubby has had since before he knew me.  The thing is old.  Younger son said it was making noises.  I told him to tell his brother to turn it off.  Older son shouts out that it is off.  I ask him to bring it to me.  As he is walking down the hall with it he comments that it’s really hot.

The batteries were arcing.  They had already melted the battery compartment door.  Using a pot holder, I tried to open the door to get the batteries out.  I quickly realized how stupid of an idea this was since I didn’t know what the batteries would do when the door opened.  Visions of battery acid burning me and my sons flew out of the over-fed horror section of my imagination and I instead threw the tape recorder on the deck.

A couple of google searches later, I had discovered I had been on the right track, but needed protective gear.

I have none.

I called hubby to ask what his thoughts were.  He suggested putting it on the sidewalk and using a hammer to crack it open and then dislodging the batteries.  Off I went to get the hammer.

Thought to myself, I’ll wear my plastic rain coat and that will protect me.  Couldn’t find it.  I’ll stand as far away as I can or simply try throwing it on the sidewalk to crack it open.

That would be fun to do with the thunder and lightning in the background.  Maybe it will start to pour right as I get the batteries out.

Headed back to the deck to grab the tape recorder when the phone rang.  Hubby asked if I had done it yet and I said I was about to smash it.  He said don’t.  Obviously he had given it more thought.  He told me to take one of the two metal boxes in front of the house, remove the styrofoam, and simply put the tape recorder in there.  Then I’d place it as far away from the house but still on the concrete driveway as I could.

I headed downstairs and out the front door.  I picked what I thought was the more durable of the two boxes and set to removing the styrofoam.  Not a hard task.  The only real danger I faced was not realizing in the dark that there were still bits of kitty litter in there from the time a bag had split open four or five years ago.  As I turned the box right-side up from shaking out loose foam, litter flew out and a small bit landed in my right eye.  Yes, it got around my glasses and everything. The only protective gear I had by default were my glasses and they didn’t offer any protection.

But there was no time to deal with that.  I had batteries that could explode on my deck.  I went upstairs with the now-cleaned out metal box, grabbed my pot holder, and opened the sliding glass door.  Carefully picked up the tape recorder and then carelessly dropped it right into the box.  Closed the lid and headed back through the house, down the stairs, and out the front door.  Set the box in the far corner of the driveway.  As I walked away, the box exploded and I was hit with tiny pieces of metal…no, not really, but that is a more dramatic ending.

I walked away, went back in the house, and closed & locked the door.  Felt a wee bit like MacGyver in solving this problem with only a medical collection box and a pot holder.

I washed my hands  and rinsed my eye with the eye rinsing stuff (I don’t care how tightly you put that bloody cup to your eye, it leaks out of the side every damn time).  Then discovered, with some bit of shock, that MacGyver is spelled the way it’s spelled.  I always thought it was MacGuyver.  Who knew?

Then I watched some videos of AA batteries arcing and exploding.  Yeah, didn’t need to worry all that much other than not letting it leak onto my skin.  Still, I feel better.  That plastic had already melted…could it have caught on fire?  Possibly.  I didn’t want it to happen in here.

Funny thing is that when I realized what the batteries were doing, I kept telling my sons they were narcing.  Yeah, they were reporting illegal drug use.  I’m so bloody tired I couldn’t even get the right word out.  I just kept seeing John Travolta in Blow Out when the batteries from the wire arc and they are taped to the one cop’s skin.  Nasty.  Burned a hole right in his skin.  And that is why I had to be MomGyver.

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What a difference a day makes.  Also walking away from the problem offers such wonderful perspective.  That and a few friends commenting on fb that they know exactly how I feel.  And chocolate.  I can’t forget the chocolate.

But you know what the best thing I reflected on today was?  I ate supper with my family yet again this week.  We’ve been rocking the dinner time lately.  Doesn’t matter what the dinner is, it’s the time together.  My sons have finally gotten the swing of sharing something fun about their days.  And I’m going to admit it…write on virtual paper…we use the convenience stuff to make dinner.  Yes, there are fresh veggies (asparagus at the moment since it’s in season-though I don’t eat it).  But the main entrée was one of those skillet dinners.  If I didn’t have to work, I’d be cooking home-made stuff.  Ah, well…do the best you can with what you have where you are.  Teddy Roosevelt, not me.  I wish I could write something as pithy as that.

Perspective comes in many ways.  You just have to be open to it coming in and opening your eyes.  Be open to the other side of things and examining the issue with other eyes.  Turn it over and over.  Challenge it, question it.  Pray on it.  Focus on simplicity and grace to rise above the feeling of mediocrity.

So what am I going to be when I grow up?  I have no idea and realized today that part of the reason I feel like I’m floating and looking for my thing is that I refuse to grow up.  I still love learning and have a thirst for new experiences.  If a particular experience, idea, or goal doesn’t materialize, no biggie.  There will be another.

And until another shows itself, I have buckled down and examined what is on my plate and what I can do with it.  How I can do each project.  Why I am doing each project.  I asked myself if I still feel each one is fun.  Theater had become not fun, but when I gave it a whirl this past fall, it was a blast.  Why?  Because I was just an actor.  So I now know I’ll never be on a theater board again.  Takes the fun right out of it.

A very fun project coming up in the summer are the dino digs we’ll be going on for fossil hunting.  I think I may be more excited than the boys.  Older son still wants to find more substantial fossils than what we should find on these digs, but we’ve been talking about the fact that you need to start where you’re at and grow from each experience.  We talked about how he needs to learn how to dig and these three trips will help him do that.

I’m sewing again.  Other than Halloween costumes, I haven’t done that for a while.  It’s a costume for a friend who is going to a film-fan convention.  So far it seems to be going well.  I enjoyed making the patterns and they are working nicely.  We’re having a fitting this Saturday.

Of course, I’m in VBS prep mode.  We’re going to Babylon this year.  Oh yes, there will be a hanging garden.  I’ve been working on that for the past month.

Prayer, meditation, studying my Shakespeare and Grimm, reading some Uncle Stevie, it’s all good.  Just need to get off my arse and work out the issues in my legs.  This week’s been a less than stellar week, but it is still so much better than it had been for the past few years.

And it’s almost summer.  Now I do not do the beach thing.  There is sand at a beach and I don’t do sand.  We will go to the lake, and yes, there is sand there, but it’s not overly crowded.  There are pools we’ll go to and the boys will do a lot of swimming.  Maybe they’ll teach their mom.

I do attempt the garden thing, but have been horrible with it the past few years.  However, sons and I have already weeded and cleaned out two of them and are working on a third.  But I really need to trim the bloody holly trees.  They are a mess again.

What most of these have in common are my family.  Which reminded me that I’m not doing that bad if we’re doing all these somethings and even some days of nothings together.

Salieri, if only you had known to step away.  To reflect and take inventory.  To count your blessings.  And to not take it all so seriously.

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Recall if you will the scene in Amadeus when Salieri asks God why he gave him them ability to appreciate and identify beautiful music, musical genius, but only the ability to compose mediocre songs and operas.  He wonders why he is trapped between the two and not able to move to the next level.  He wonders then what is his calling.  What purpose he serves.  Once again I feel Salieri’s struggle.  I feel that trapped sensation.  And it’s nothing like the sensation of eating a York Peppermint Patty, I can tell you.

Still, there is progress.  I know I won’t become obsessed with killing Mozart…he’s already dead.  I am able to reflect on the situation and look for alternatives to finding fulfillment.  And it’s odd to me because I feel such fulfillment in being a mother.  It’s my favorite thing to be, and my sons always make me proud and offer me new and exciting challenges.

But…there’s always a but…I like to keep and maintain my own individuality and personal pursuits.  I just can’t remember what it was I’m supposed to be pursuing or can’t figure out what it is I’m meant to do now.

I’m not talking about a job, per se.  I’m talking about that thing you do because you love it (which I realize can be a job, but that’s not what I’m talking about tonight).  I’ve had several things over my lifetime.  I know I’ll find another.  But it’s been strange because what I keep zeroing in on doesn’t seem to work out.  So I will keep looking.  I’m sure I’ll stumble upon it at some point.

I return to my theatrical roots as I keep going through this process.  I have “Corner of the Sky” from Pippin going through my head almost every day.  Ah, the theme song for performers, artists, and those looking for their thing.  Did you ever see the episode of Little Bill when he’s trying to discover his thing?  His dad loves jazz, his mom was reading, I think, anyway, everyone in his family has their thing and Little Bill tries them all on for size.  But as we know, you can’t make something your thing, you have to let it evolve.

Ah, Salieri.  If only you had found your thing.

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We started our day at 7:30 getting ready for picture day for Little League.  So much for youngest son’s new-found independence.  We were supposed to arrive at 8:15 but we got there around 8:35 because someone wasn’t sure he wanted to go.  He made it just in time for the team photo, but he was, I am sad to say, the player who wouldn’t take off his coat for the team photo.  Somehow the photographers got him to take it off for his individual picture.  More power to them.

Then home for a half an hour and then back to the fields for a 10 o’ clock game for youngest son.  He had some great hits and plays (in the pitcher’s position).

                                                               

Them I walked oldest son over for his pictures at 11:15 (while younger son was playing his game).  Game ended, stood in line at the snack stand and got lunch, then off to the other fields for oldest son’s game at 1 o’ clock.  Oldest son got to bat first and got a hit on the second or third pitch.  He then got out at second.  He also got to play catcher.  This was interesting since he has never played that position before nor had any coaching on it.

                                                                                

He did great!  There was only one little problem.  He thought the catcher was also the umpire.  I explained to him the difference and during the next inning, he was catcher again.  It’s a good position for him.  And he’s not bad at it.

Then the game ended at 2:45 and we headed off to Wawa for a wee snack to nibble on the way to swim lessons.

They both changed in the locker room quickly, came out to the pool, and got right in to the water.  The teacher is wonderful with them.  And I am VERY PROUD to write that oldest son can swim!  He got it today, it all clicked for him.  Now it’s not the most graceful swimming, but that will come in time.  Youngest son is so close I can taste it like he could taste the chlorine.  They have two more lessons and I’m sure it will happen for youngest son too.  Their teacher was impressed with how well they did today since they had gone two weeks without a lesson.  Next weekend they will have a lesson on Saturday and Sunday.  We’re hopeful with the lessons being back-to-back it will all come together for youngest son.  Oldest son can go to camp this summer with no worries about the swim test!  I may try going to the pool on my lunch break a few times to see if I can apply the same tips and finally learn to swim too!

     Look at oldest son on the right swimming on his own!    

We then drove home and are now enjoying a Jim Carrey double-feature.  We watched Mr. Popper’s Penguins and are now watching The Mask.  Then bedtime and let me tell you, I can’t wait.  I’m exhausted.

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Youngest son enjoyed his day with Daddy.  They took G’Pop to the doctor’s office and had lunch at Friendly’s.  Then they went to the office that Daddy works at on Thursday afternoons.  He had a fun day and played with one of the patient’s boys.  Youngest son seemed to enjoy having Daddy to himself and having full control without oldest son around.

Meanwhile, at a campus not far away, oldest son had a wonderful day with Mommy.

He attended several “classes” including desktop publishing and radio/television but his favorite was the one taught by a paleontologist on how to dig up a dinosaur.  I’ve never seen oldest son so attentive.  He had his hands folded on the table, raised his hand, and didn’t complain when he didn’t get called on to answer.  He also got one question incorrect, but handled it in stride.

The professor was wonderful and oldest son was completely engaged.  As the professor unpacked his backpack, oldest son squirmed with excitement when the field guide was pulled out.  He took his own field guide out of his backpack.  I was very proud of him.  He was in his element and felt so accomplished to be able to answer all of the questions, yet he gave others a chance too.

There was a large fossil of a Coelophysis and the professor asked if anyone knew about the dinosaur.  Oldest son raised his hand and then shared that it was believed to be similar to a Velociraptor in size and behavior, it was bipedal, it was from the late Triassic, and it’s name means “hollow form”.  Several parents commented that he really knew his stuff and the professor was very gracious in allowing oldest son to share so much of his knowledge.

Oldest son wore his paleontologist outfit-khakis, shirt, vest.  It was the same outfit the professor was wearing.

I think that it was an awesome day for him, except for the discovery that most fossils are replicas.  He had a hard time  adjusting to the fossils being replicas, or not real.  But the professor explained how expensive actual fossils are to purchase.  Sue, the T-Rex, sold for $8,000,000.  I explained that we don’t have that kind of dough lying around.  I hope he finds a way to resolve this for himself.  I can’t do it for him.  I wish I could.

Oldest son seems to have taken a big step forward toward his goal of being a paleontologist.  Youngest son took a big step toward his independence without oldest son around to boss him.  Happy day!

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Oldest son is so excited for Take Your Child to Work Day.  He gets to attend “class” throughout the day, eat at the dining hall, and hang out on campus.  The best class will be the last one-how to dig up a dinosaur.  From what I understand, the class will be taught by one of the faculty who is a paleontologist.  This makes oldest son absolutely ecstatic.  He packed his dino backpack with supplies.  He wanted to bring about five books, but I chose his own personal Dino Field Guide and one of his favorite dinosaur reference books.  I will have to explain to him in the morning that the backpack would get heavy, fast.  And I’m not carrying it!  He has his official paleontologist outfit ready in his closet.  How cute is he?

Youngest son is also joining in on the day, but because my workplace has an age requirement, he’s going to work with Daddy.  Less exciting because Daddy works at home.  Two more years, kiddo, and you’ll be old enough.

I just hope my work does the “classes” thing again.

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The amount of grace I used today was unbelievable.  It was oozing out of me from all directions.  On the telephone explaining a department policy over and over for 21 minutes–yep, grace was a-flowing.  At the large corporate home improvement store with commercials narrated by Ed Harris and an orange logo, grace came flowing out when the manager didn’t want to hear me as I told her the employee found me as I headed to the parking lot to tell me he had found the perennials I was asking about and I was in fact making a purchase.

Still, that’ll be the last time I go there for a while.  When I was in retail (picture me sitting on the porch in a rocking chair as I say that), I would have not said to the customer that the employee who kept working to solve the problem created the problem by not knowing his department.  Well, he reached out to her and didn’t get much managerial support.  When I went to her to ask if she knew about the sale, she quickly flipped through the circular and said it must not start till tomorrow.  Feeling a bit like the butler in Clue (the others say to him “you did it!” to which he replies “If I was the murderer, why would I tell you how I did it?”), I dared to ask her why the company would run a commercial on Monday night for a sale that wasn’t going to start till Wednesday?  She answered, “I don’t know, but we don’t have that sale now.”  That’s when I left and the employee shouted across the parking lot to let me know he had found the perennials.  So in the end, I got my on-sale perennials, as well as some mulch for my shade garden in the back yard, and a great lesson about yester-year.

On the way home I told my sons about how I would have handled this type of situation when I was a manager in retail.  There was shock, awe, and a bit of amazement from the back of the rocket-sled as they discovered I had worked in retail.  They asked me what store and I told them how I had worked in different video stores over the years, but I was a manager for a company called Planet Video which then changed the name to Moovies which is now defunct, as most video chains are.  I told them how it was a small store that then grew to be a small chain until it was bought out by a larger corporation.  I told them about all the small stores I shopped at as a kid.  I decided that I’m not going to wait for Small Business Saturday.  The next time I need garden supplies, I’ll go to a local nursery.  When I finally pick the new paint color for the hallway, I’ll go to a paint store (if I can find one…I must admit I haven’t seen one in years…a paint and wall-covering store).

And then I told my sons about Woolworth’s and what a wonderful store that was.  I loved going there when I was a kid.  They then asked if I went to Dunkin’ Donuts as a kids and I told them nope.  We went to the local bakery.  We didn’t go to a chain pizza place but went to the local pizzeria.  Local restaurants, local shoe stores, and on and on.  I miss those days when you went to a show store for shoes and a toy store for toys and you get the idea.  It is harder to do that today because the chains have gobbled the locals up, but I want my sons to have that experience, so I will shop as much as possible at the local stores.

Back to grace…I pulled even more grace out as younger son said he wasn’t riding in the car tomorrow but would walk to school.  As the minutes ticked further into the 9 o’clock hour, we cuddled on the couch and I tried to dig deeper into understanding his dislike for school.

Turns out he thinks I throw all of his work away.  He thinks I keep all of older son’s work.  I pulled from the pile that has yet to be added to his “school work bin” the recent batch that had been selected for posterity.  I explained that I don’t keep every worksheet because they each bring home three or four every day and we’d run out of room.  We walked down the hall and he counted the three pieces of schoolwork hanging on the walls that were created by him.  He acknowledged with a small smile that only one of his brother’s was hanging on the wall.  I told him the copper cat he made out of a paper plate in preschool still hangs in my office.

We agreed on a challenge.  He would finish all of his work at school, but his way.  He thinks coloring a ditto for Earth Day (don’t get me started on how much paper that project wasted to commemorate Earth Day) was stupid and boring.  I agree.  But I asked him if it would have been more fun if he had colored the animals in less traditional colors.  I asked why the squirrel had to brown…couldn’t he color it orange or rainbow or blue?  He quickly got into the swing of things and together we remembered when he enjoyed doing school work (preschool) and how he could make first-grade work more fun.  I told him he had to follow the directions and finish the work, but when possible, he could make it more “him”, a little bit funky, a little bit creepy (in an Addams Family kind of way…he sees things from a different perspective than other six-year-old kids).

A little bit of cuddling, a little bit of talking, and a little bit of grace helped younger son remember and embrace how smart he is.  And how much fun he could make school work, if he didn’t worry so much about coloring inside the lines and remembering the crayon box has a lot of colors.

Finally, grace reminds me to slow down and realize how much better I am feeling, physically speaking.  I don’t start to hurt until around 8pm.  The past few days have really hurt by that point-think I may be over-doing it during the day in my new lesser-pain filled body-but it’ll get there.  Still, after I post this, I will be hobbling in the most unattractive way to bed.

Department policy enforcement, commute traffic, unhappy managers at large corporate stores, over-tired younger son thinking his school work doesn’t matter, cat meowing to go out this late at night and driving me a little batty…for each instance there is grace.  Grace…always flowing, always never-ending.

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My mother-in-law was dead, to begin with.  There is to be no doubt about that or what follows will not be as phenomenal or paranormal.  I’ve written about my late great mother-in-law and her visits and little ways of helping.  I may have written about the times youngest son has visited with her in our kitchen.  He is unfazed by this and not scared by it.  He just tells me about Grandmom being in the kitchen and asking him how he is doing.

Well, time to add a new visit.  My father-in-law just got both his knees replaced and was in the hospital and then rehab for the past several weeks.  He came home today, which is a joyous event.  I’m very proud of him and the work he did in rehab to get home.  When we stopped by to see how he was doing, he told us that the kitchen television wasn’t working.  Now the only person who has been in the house for the past few weeks is my hubby and he knows not to touch a television set-up.  He even watched a bit of telly one night and it was working fine.  I offered to take a look at it because usually I can figure out the problem.

This problem was simple.  Every cable except for the power and exterior coaxial cable had been unplugged from the cable box.  But the cables were still plugged into the telly.  There was one cable plugged into the telly but not into anything else.  The audio and video cables had all been unplugged from the cable box and were buried and tangled as if they had been that way for years.  Then, the HDMI cable that was plugged into the cable box was not the same HDMI cable plugged into the telly.  Now, I don’t think my mother-in-law was the type to set up a telly and cable box and deal with the input and output cables, but I truly do think she had some fun randomly messing with the television set up in the kitchen.  Once the set up was fixed and the telly was getting the signal, I wondered if Mom had done it.

I went up stairs to just make sure no one else was in the house.  I knew no one else could be in the house-the alarm hadn’t been tripped, but still I had to check.  As I got to the top of the stairs, I walked into my mother-in-law’s spirit.  I smelled her.  I felt her energy.  I went into every room upstairs figuring they might still smell of her, but no.  Not even her walk-in closet.  That actually smelled stale.  But at the top of the stairs, when I stepped onto the landing, I walked through her.  Her scent was so clear.  I felt a force of energy outside of me.  It surrounded me and then passed through me.  It was wonderful and creepy.  A good creepy, but still creepy.  Hairs on the back of my neck and on my arms stood up.  The air was colder.  Then as I went down the little stairs off the landing, the air was warm and stuffy and stale again.

I’m curious now to see if she visits us here tonight.  If the office door opens and closes at midnight, I’ll know who it is.

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