Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Eerie Hallway

March 24, 2014 by pinkpigrulz

We don’t have a big house and that’s okay by me. As you may know if you’ve read any of the other posts, it’s challenging to keep the house clean at this size. But we’ve got some fun stuff. Pretty sure there is a ghost or two. Some great creaky floors. And now the bearded dragons night lights ooze eerie purple and red light out of the bottom of the boys’ doors. It makes for a wonderful atmosphere in the middle of the night.

Add to that the cricket that continues to hide from Gunter and you have a constant chirping sound coming from younger son’s room. It’s rather calming and helps one to fall asleep as long as you think about it as a sign of summer and not an annoying insect.

The boys love the light bulbs for night-time in the cages. Younger son loves the purple glow in his room. It works quite well with the sharks, squid, and jellyfish that are part of his ocean mural. The red lamp in older son’s room is obviously fitting for a room with dinosaur murals covering the walls.

Our house has many critters, massive clutter, and much love.

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | Tagged , , | Leave a Comment »

The Labyrinth of Motherhood

March 23, 2014 by pinkpigrulz

Am I a good mom? Just never know. I do the best I can but some days I question myself more than other days. Today was one of those days. Seems my sons move too much, are too disrespectful, and their behavior is disappointing. Hmmm…that all reflects back on parenting, doesn’t it? The funny thing is they were moving when they were supposed to, and while some choices today were disrespectful, today wouldn’t have happened without two very giving choices they made, and those same choices demonstrated behavior that helped the greater good even if it meant the boys were out of their comfort zones.

We did a skit at church today. That should explain the moving. The children were using masks in a style inspired by a combination of Greek theater and Kabuki for the skit. They moved them and rotated them at specific times. But my sons were the only ones commented about for moving too much. While they didn’t follow directions perfectly throughout the morning (disrespectful and disappointing behavior), if my two sons hadn’t stepped up and taken the two roles they played, the skit would have been a lot shorter. No one else wanted to have a speaking part. Not my sons’ first choices either, but they went out of their comfort zones to help their mom while she was directing yet another skit at church.

What did I learn from today? I know my sons have interests that are not mine and I know they try to support me in my interests. But I won’t make them be in any more skits at church. They’ll have to be jumping up and down, begging to be in it before I’ll think they really want to be in it. I also learned that my sons talk to me about everything and share how they are feeling and that will make a big difference in their lives. Just as I finally realized that they need help remembering to keep their rooms clean, and that cleaning the room when it gets totally out of hand is too big of a job for them alone, I need to not spend as much time on my interests yet. I spent at least 15 hours outside of church working on the skit. That’s 15 hours on lots of wonderful children, but not 15 hours spent in depth with the two children most wonderful to me. While I enjoy keeping a toe in theater, in any capacity, much like when I did Mame, it’s just not quite a good fit yet. Next skit would have to remain self-contained in the time at church. Or maybe someone will volunteer to direct the next one. Okay, and back to reality. I’ll do the first idea-completely self-contained in church!

I didn’t get offered a spring class at the university-cut backs, but the extra time gained from not grading papers has been great. I like finding the silver lining in that. Spending four or five weeks on a skit and on the performance day having my sons leave crying, not the silver lining I was looking for. They helped with the stuff at home so we did spend time together while doing the work, but it was something for my interest, not their interest. I feel like a parent should be supporting their kids more than the other way around. I know kids support their parents–I get that should be there too-but shouldn’t more support being going from parent to child? I’m being selfish if I force them to be dragged to my interests, sacrificing their interests in the process. And being in a skit isn’t really their thing, it’s a “let’s help out Mom in her thing” thing.

It was a day full of ups and downs. I will not remember the skit, not my sons crying about what they were told, but instead remember the deep belly-laughs as we returned home from 7-11 with nachos and Slurpees. I’ll remember how we laughed during our discussion about what to have autographed by David Bowie. I’ll remember that we watched Labyrinth cuddled up on the couch, staying up a little past bedtime in the process.

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | Tagged , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Crying with the Buggles

March 13, 2014 by pinkpigrulz

On the drive into work today I heard the beloved classic “Video Killed the Radio Star” by The Buggles. After singing along without any concern of my commuting neighbors on 295, the fantastic BENfm let the song play to the end. The haunting music at the end of the song can actually make me cry, as it did today. It reminds me each time of that fateful day back in 1981 when I watched MTV and The Buggles change history. Granted, MTV never plays videos anymore but it was rocking in the 80s.

When I think about the speed of technology it is almost too overwhelming for my little brain. The song tracks the evolution of music technology but think about how I am creating this journal entry tonight. I’m not writing it in a decorative journal for only me to read. I am composing this little post on a lovely Google Nexus that has more programming in it than I will ever fathom.

Still, I am proud that in the four days I have had my little Nexus that I have started acclimating to having it my purse. I am using as many features as I can so that I get used to it. The increase in coolness factor from my sons doesn’t hurt either. Their antiquated mother finally has a hip device to go with her motherly hips.

Did video kill the radio star? No, I still listen to the radio. Yes, I have music on my Google drive too. But nothing beats hearing a song you love played by a DJ over the airwaves. It makes you feel good. Not only because it’s a rocking song, but because it means you share that with other humans. Someone else out there likes the song too and you make a connection. I may never get to see those people, but I know they exist or BENfm wouldn’t be on the airwaves. They know we’re out there too…those people who still like radio, who didn’t let video kill the radio star because they tell us how it’s free, like radio always was, and they play anything they feel like (which is usually exactly what I want to hear), and you can’t, at least to my knowledge, listen to them online. You need an actual radio.

Buggles, never fear. The radio star is alive and well. Technology won’t ever truly take over. It will try damn hard and for some, it will take over their lives. But for most, we prefer to be with the warm and cuddly types.

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

Don’t be different in school

March 5, 2014 by pinkpigrulz

In the mid sixties, Hubby began attending elementary school.  He was not the big man on campus.  He was more of the hanging-on-the-outside-fringe-because-no-one-quite-understood-him kid.  He was different.  In the mid seventies, I began attending elementary school and traveled the same path.  I can’t share the details of Hubby’s journey, I didn’t walk it.  My journey included being teased because of my buck teeth, glasses, hair, then teased for my braces.  Then it turned to a feeling of being excluded. So I took care of myself as best I could.  By high school, my mom had given me permission to drop out when I turned 16 and take the GED.  Fortunately, I got cast in a play at a local college and was able to spend time with people who I fit in with.  I auditioned for the performing arts high school and got in.  Knowing I would only have to be at my regular high school for English and History the last two years, I stayed in school.  My choir teacher made the time at the regular school tolerable, though the administration fired her my senior year because she refused to teach at every school in the district for the same pay.  She told me to keep the faith and try to find a college.  I found one and went and it has made all the difference.

Fast forward to 2008.  Older son entered kindergarten.  2010, Younger son entered kindergarten.  They too are different.  And in all those years, schools have not gotten any better at supporting the different kids.  My oldest wants to be home schooled (not gonna happen).  But he’s tired of being told to shut up by the other kids.  He’s tired of feeling excluded.  Younger son has a slightly different experience because like finds like and he made a best friend with one of the kids who also isn’t really understood.  They have a ball together and can lean on each other for support during the day.  They recharge together hanging out together on the weekends.  Older son has invited kids over but the answer is usually no thank you.  He’s tired of rejection.

Older son even thought about just conforming.  I asked him if he thought he would be any happier and he realized he probably would only feel worse.  I spoke to the school again.  And then Hubby and I talked about it and realized the schools just can’t handle all the differences and they function on the middle ground-the students who follow the current trends and fall in the middle have an easier time because that’s the way the school can function.

Keep in mind-the school our boys go to is a fantastic school.  They have small class sizes, great resources, involved teachers and administrators, but in the end, the student who is on the fringe, who marches to his own drummer, doesn’t fit the mold.  Ironically, Older son plays the drums in band.

I realize that the majority of students may feel this way, at least at one time or another.  Everyone has their own defensive moves to keep a feeling of safety around them in school.  Some of them may not realize that the defense strategy they use may hurt someone else.  Older son acts goofy because any attention, even negative attention, is better than being ignored and excluded.  Younger son acts moody to keep others away when he feels overwhelmed to avoid attention.  Everyone’s perspective in school is similar, but the skills aren’t there yet to realize it.  They’re eight or ten years old.  Can’t expect them to be able to step outside and see the bigger picture.

Mama Bear came out last night and really wants to protect her baby cubs.  I can’t impart this wisdom.  This wisdom is learned from living.  So for now, they have to muddle through this time called school.  And hopefully, with love and support from Mom and Dad, they’ll stay true to themselves.

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | Tagged , , | Leave a Comment »

Dead Grandma’s Obituary

March 3, 2014 by pinkpigrulz

I read it.  Please do not read into this post that I am sad and filled with regret of what could have been.  The lady wasn’t nice, at least not to my mother or me.  The last time I saw her was in an airport and I told her she should treat her mother with respect.  Shouldn’t that have been the other way around?  This is what I found interesting in the obit.  When her husband, my step-grandfather, died, my mother and her children (me and my siblings) weren’t included.

In her obit, we are.

It’s simple.  She controlled what went in Grand-dad’s obit.  I’m guessing my great-aunt wrote Grandma’s obit and she included us because she’s nice.  I find it hard to believe they are (were) sisters.  The obit also mentions “two great grandchildren”.   Did some of my cousins have kids or is that a reference to my sons?  Don’t know and probably never will.  If it is a reference to my sons, it is nice of my great-aunt, but sad because she never met them or Hubby.  Perhaps my great-aunt doesn’t realize that.

And so closes the chapter with that relative.  I’m the type of person that needs to see something to believe it.  Either attend the viewing or read the obit.  Then I believe it.  I felt a calm reading it.  She can’t do anything to hurt my mom again and that’s comforting.  For my mom’s birthday one year, Grandma sent a card with my mom’s (biological) father’s obituary in it.  I guess that was the gift?

One day I’ll explain to the boys about that part of the family.  Or not.

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | Tagged , | Leave a Comment »

Wizard of Oz and my Life

March 2, 2014 by pinkpigrulz

The first time I watched The Wizard of Oz in color I was angry and amazed at the same time.  I was around ten years old.  We didn’t have color television till I hit double-digits.  I was angry because I knew that movie as black and white.  I didn’t know anything about sepia or technicolor.  So it altered my whole schema.

I was amazed because it changed my perception of the world.  I didn’t always distinguish between reality and fantasy very well and so this color shift was just amazing for my mind.  Not that my world was in sepia tone, but yes, I think we tend to color our memories so the movie made perfect sense to me.

We watched The Wizard of Oz on the big screen last year and I cried like I do watching it on the television.  I didn’t care that there were people who could see me crying. 

I am thankful for The Wizard of Oz.  It opened my world to fantasies and the world of possibilities and it has done the same for my sons.

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | Tagged , | Leave a Comment »

Dead Grandmas

February 19, 2014 by pinkpigrulz

I had a pretty rough day at work.  Then when I got home I learned I had a dead grandma.

At work, I called Hubby during lunch and on the way to my car.  The second call I was crying  and he was freaked out a bit.  I told him I was fine and just wanted him to know I was leaving so amazingly late.  I was worried I had messed up other stuff we were supposed to do.

Once I was home, I said hello to Hubby, the boys, cats, and walked the dog.  Next I vented some more about work to Hubby.  Then I finally called my dad because he had been leaving messages on every phone except my work phone.  My dad likes to converse.  When you call him you need to know that you have at least thirty minutes or so because he enjoys a good conversation.  I love this about him.

Tonight’s call only lasted 17 minutes because he was calling to tell me that my maternal grandmother died two days ago.

I don’t know how I feel about this.  The last time I saw her was in Logan Airport back in 1985.  I told her off because she was being so mean to my great-grandmother.  I loved my great-grandmother a lot.  I didn’t like her being treated badly.  I can’t say I’ve thought a lot about my grandmother in the years that have passed.  After that day at the airport, when she wrote to my mother she would only ask about my siblings, never me.  My mother cut off contact within a few years of that situation.

In my grandfather’s obituary, besides being survived by my grandmother, he was survived by my uncles.  My mother wasn’t included nor were her children.

My grandmother was listed in her boyfriend’s obituary too.  Her boyfriend died before my grandfather.  Yeah, think about that.

I wonder what tomorrow will be like.

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | Tagged , , | Leave a Comment »

Time wasters and savers

February 18, 2014 by pinkpigrulz

I’ve been thinking about time wasters and time savers lately, because of work, you know.  No, not to figure out how to waste or save time at work-it’s part of what I help others learn about-how not to waste time and how to find ways to save time, you know, time management.  (Clearly not word management since I used way more words than necessary to explain that.)

Tonight I dedicated to wasting time.  I took a bunch of quizzes on buzzfeed.  I now know so much more about myself.  It has given me a similar feeling to when I have gone to lousy psychics.  My career should have been professor (ironically enough I do work at a university).  My psychic power should be psychometry.  If I were an 80’s song I would be “Don’t Stop Believing” which I really don’t agree with-what are the other options for that quiz?

This truly wasted my time.  Still, it was oddly relaxing.  Less relaxing because the kittens don’t like the fact that I put them to bed earlier than they like to go to bed.  They are meowing at the door but I can resist.  Tonight I am not in the mood to pick up everything that currently lives on a shelf as they go about their nightly routine of knocking everything off of the shelves.  I forgot how much work kittens require.  And keeping the dog calm when the kittens get riled up is exhausting.  Since the boys have yet to fall asleep (even though it is two hours past bedtime), I needed some quiet around me as I wasted time.

These quizzes are more fun for me to waste time than playing video games.  I didn’t catch that wave at the right time and the controllers scare me.  Yes, they scare me.  I lack the dexterity of anyone even slightly younger than me.  Reading isn’t a waste of time ever in my world and I had already read two more chapters of When Dinosaurs Roamed New Jersey so I felt good from that.  I could have just done random searches on google, but the results sometimes are overwhelming.  We searched images the other day for a project for older son.  The search was for an image of “infection”.  You’re going to google that right now, but I warn you it is gross.

Told you it was gross.

Anyway, I wanted to waste time tonight and see how it felt.  Many would say binge-watching Law & Order SVU is a time waster-and it is.  But I do at least have an emotional response and pick up tips about what not to let my sons ever do in their lives.  If I am feeling something, responding to an attempt to evoke emotion, it feels less like a time waster.  But who am I kidding, five hours of Law & Order is a time waster.  The quizzes felt different though.  I can’t remember them, I won’t remember them, and they added very little to my life.  In other words, they were a waste of time.  No offense to the quizzes, they were fun in the moment just no staying power.  I made no connections.  At least with television or film, I usually make a connection to a life experience, a book, a person, something.

I do try to live in the moment.  Don’t always do a good job of it, but I don’t like to spend time on something that I know won’t have a lasting impact in some way, shape, or form for my existence.  I guess I don’t like wasting time.

Well, gotta go.  That new episode of The Following isn’t going to watch itself.

 

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | Tagged , , , , | Leave a Comment »

My Skull Is Changing Shape

February 16, 2014 by pinkpigrulz

Really, I think it is changing shape.  I had a very pointy skull when I was born because I came out so very quickly.  My mom got to the hospital and the nurse gave her the enema (it was the times…).  My mother calls to the nurse from the restroom, saying that the baby was coming.  The nurse says snarkly, no dear, that’s the enema.  My mother says, no dear, I’ve had a baby and this is the baby.  Yes, I’ve written it before (I think), I was almost born in a toilet.

Coming out as quickly as I did, my head was very pointy.  Obviously, it settled down over time.  Part of it always seemed too flat.  In the back, about opposite of the forehead.  I suppose it was the “soft spot”.  It is a round, flat portion of my skull.  Lately though, it seems to be gaining a curve to it.  It seems to be sinking in.  I will ask my neurologist about it the next time I go in for my MRI.  In the meantime, I wonder if this explains my memory issues.

If I can’t remember someone’s name, I call him Frank.  Usually this is in conversation about the person, but one time I actually called a dear man “Frank” two times in a conversation with him and thankfully he knows I am a flibbertigibbet and all was well.  Many other words escape me these days.  I make it work for me but it’s beginning to become annoying and mildly embarrassing since I run a writing lab.  Not a great place to be at a loss for words.

Now I realize that the skull issue is not truly contributing to this issue.  Wernicke’s area and Broca’s area are not close to this part of the skull, so I think I’m relatively safe.  I think the true culprit is perimenopause.  There are those who would say I’m too young, I’m not.  Plus I lost the left ovary in ’07 to a tumor so the right one has been in overdrive for a while.  Also I have all the friggin’ symptoms so being a fan of Ockham’s razor (or Occam’s, I’ve heard it both ways), there you have it.

This could even explain the change in my skull.  Could be a very interesting loss of bone.

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | Tagged , | Leave a Comment »

Singing at the dinner table

February 10, 2014 by pinkpigrulz

Yep, we do sing at the dinner table and randomly throughout our days.  Yesterday, with the three guests at our dining room table, we got some pretty odd stares as we sang during dinner.  I explained to the ten-year old girl that we sing along to movies and basically whenever the mood strikes.   The look on her face caused Older Son some concern.  I told him not to sweat it.  I asked him if he enjoys singing and he said, “of course”!  So I told him it doesn’t matter what others think about the singing.

I sing at work.  Not as often lately for two reasons.  First, I’ve allowed stress to get the better of me.  Ironically, singing a few good tunes at my desk would help alleviate the stress, so I will apply that good advice.  Second, the stupid, bloody tooth with the sad root is still infecting my head.  The left sinus is about to mutiny.  Third round of antibiotics since November.  Usually takes me six years to go through that many antibiotics.  We spoke with dentist cuz on the phone this evening and we now have a solid game plan for dealing with the stupid tooth.  When I get back to work on Wednesday, I’ll look at my calendar and request the time for the first step-ripping the bloody tooth out of my mouth.  Be gone, infectious, beyond hope tooth!  Then I’ll figure out the timing on the rest of the plan.

I really can’t wait to have this tooth out of my mouth.  If had known on November 1st the fate that was ahead of me, I would have yanked it before the bloody root canal.

Soon my sinus will drain.  My ears will clear out.  I’ll have my head voice back.  I’ll sing!  And everyone at work will simply have to deal with that…or close their doors…or tell me to stop.  I can always take a walk.  And yes, there will be singing at the dinner table.

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »