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Posts Tagged ‘simplicity’

What about Bob?

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on June 14, 2011| Leave a Comment »

OCD can be a blessing and a curse.  My talent for alphabetizing is truly neat and I catch little mistakes that probably wouldn’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things, but in my line of work these two things do come in handy.  Catching the little mistakes more so, but if I do ever decide to pursue the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” path and become a librarian, both will be truly purposeful.  I am glad that my boss really appreciates my ability to catch most errors (not all, I’m not perfect).  When I do miss one, I actually question myself-how could I have missed that? It was so obvious!

It’s a curse when you live with the three stooges who do not possess the same affection for order or organization.  But on my journey for self-improvement, I try to remember it is me stuck on this need.  It does get in the way at times because sometimes you simply cannot be ritualistic about order, which is my natural desire.  A place for everything and everything in its place.  I also like to keep to the schedule I set forth each day.  Obviously with two young boys, I’ve had to adapt.  I have a few new things I do that I can control and they help.

I get an everything bagel four days a week at work.  I don’t get the bagel on Friday because it’s early closing at the moment (so very nice) but also I prefer things in even numbers.  Messiest bagel out there, but I always check for poppy seeds after I finish and I’m mindful not to get seeds and such on my desk.  I put the cream cheese on it the same way each time and cut each half in half the same way.  It sets the day to a pleasant tone.  The nice ladies in the cafeteria set one aside for me now Monday through Thursday in case I can’t down till a little later in the morning.  I also found the bagel balances my blood sugar nicely throughout the day.

I’m following a regular bedtime.  It’s really early for me…11:30…and it’s starting to feel like that’s late!  It helps me to let go at night.  I’m no longer staying up randomly trying to finish one more thing.  It’s helped with simplicity-setting simple goals for each day and accepting that they may not all be achieved.  It also helps me to enjoy my time after I get home from work more.  It relaxes me knowing that the day will in fact end and I’ll be able to rest.

Another ritual that has returned is reading Stephen King again before I go to sleep.  The old friends are nice to reconnect with and a reader always brings something new to the text, so many are like brand new stories.  I’ve also been reading at work.  It’s been a goal to read research articles and such and I’ve actually been doing it.  Today, my head was simply swimming with wonderful information, but I then had to follow it to some kind of end, which there wasn’t a neat and tidy ending to get to and this created frustration.

The newest obsession is developing my personal philosophy, theology, understanding of my place in this world, and the calling put out for me.  It’s stalled at the moment, or it feels stalled.  I’ve plateaued and I’m not sure where to go next.  I’m in the zone of proximal development and I need the More Knowledgeable Other to scaffold me to the next level (yes, my inner geek comes out!).  So I will read the good book and see what I can discover in the Word.  Then I will read Uncle Stevie and fall asleep around 11:30.  Compulsive rituals are not always a bad thing.

Something I have noticed as I tweak my use time from fungible to epochal (yeah, go look ’em like I had to) is that I share so much more with my family.  My youngest was out in the back yard the other day, using nothing but pure imagination.  It was one of the most beautiful things I have been blessed to watch.  He was talking away to the trees, the dirt, or himself.  I don’t know who he was talking to, but he was having a grand time.  It was pure childhood joy not being interrupted or interfered with.  In letting go of the human constructs of time, I saw these moments he was having in discovering himself within the world.

I am finally finding a balance and a positive way to use the OCD.  Like Bob in What About Bob?, it’s baby steps.  Baby steps every day.

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Abba

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , on June 10, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Abba…not the Swedish pop group.  What do you see when you think of God?  I’ve always connected more on an auditory level, conversations with Him and such, but what do you see when you think of Him?  And as we discussed tonight in my group from church, Him?  Or Her?  Or simply spirit, a being, encompassing all traits and aspects of humanity?

In my quest for simplicity, can I be strong enough to also simplify my image of God to finally acknowledge what I have thought, felt, known for a long time?  That the being of God is simply too much for me to fathom until I am called home?

I used to picture God as a spiritual light being like when the Mystics and Skeksis were brought back together into one being, healing the crystal, and becoming once again the UrSkeks in The Dark Crystal.  Then Les Miserables provided me with a new image as I got older…”to love another person is to see the face of God”.   Long story short, my mind cannot fathom the image of God.  I have images that I connect with my relationship with God.  One is of hands, strong hands, comforting hands.  This, I am sure, is influenced by the fact that my dad was an Allstate agent.

But I also have images of nature, of acts of kindness, of acts of destruction that connect me with God.  It is easy to see God in kindness, love, and empathy.  It took me longer to see God in acts of destruction.  To see God weeping.  I feel God mourning when the act of destruction is caused by a human.  I know I have abused the concept of free will in my lifetime, I know I will again.  Ironically, it’s because I am human.  I can strive and strive to own free will and walk the path that Jesus has taught me, but I will fail.  It is what I do when I fail that matters.  It is taking ownership, it is being accountable that makes me stronger in my faith.  As I continue to improve that part of myself, I’ll fall less and less.

During our get-together tonight, I had so many pop cultural references pop into my mind.  This could mean that I have absorbed too much entertainment over the years.  It could also be a reflection of how long and how frequently society, generally speaking, tries to understand God.  Bruce Almighty, Evan Almighty, Oh God, “What If God Were One of Us?”, Dogma, The Ten Commandments, The Passion of the Christ, “Personal Jesus”, “Losing My Religion”, Jesus Christ Superstar, Godspell, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, The Book of Mormon, The Seventh Sign.  How often societies try to understand their own religions…we can look back to the ancient Greeks and the Romans with all the mythology.  Well, what we call mythology but what to them was real.

I love exploring the aspects of my faith.  I love walking on my journey with God.  I am blessed to have my husband, sons, and church family to walk with on this road.  We all have our own individual paths, but they intersect often enough to celebrate our blessings.

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Unattainable Expectations

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on May 23, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Wilson said to Cuddy in an episode of House that women set unrealistic expectations and then overly criticize themselves when they don’t reach them (I paraphrased).  My husband says this to me all the time.  I do set unrealistic expectations and beat myself up when I don’t achieve them-regardless of the fact that no one could achieve them in the manner and time-frame I set forth for myself.  I am attempting to change this habit and the results will be twofold if I achieve the change.  I am already prepared for the reality that this change will take time.  But the twofold payoff is a valuable incentive.  Be the turtle and that big calling.

The first payoff is that I will transform myself from the hare into the turtle.  I always rush through things to be able to check them off of my list and in the process I miss the joy of the journey.  Becoming a mother began this transformation, but I have been resisting it in all areas of my life.  See, childbirth doesn’t go by the schedule I put forth.  I had to be the turtle in that instance.  My sons were going to come out when they were ready and only after patiently going through the process of giving birth.  So I savored each of their births and each was different from the other.  I have embraced my boys uniqueness since their births and they have proven to be very different boys .  But I will confess that I have not always been a turtle when it comes to them growing up.  Obviously I can’t make them grow faster than the good Lord intends them to, but I also have to keep myself in check to let them be the age they are and not rush them through to the next phase, because the contrived development can be sped up.  I want them to stay in childhood for as long as it is healthy for them.  I want them to believe in as many things for as long as possible.  There is no way of knowing if this helps builds their faith in other things, but I figure it won’t hurt.  So I strive to be the turtle.  Take it slow, enjoy the journey, smell the roses, and see the scenery in all its glory.

The other benefit of theoretically lowering standards and extending personal deadlines relates to the big calling I’ve been pondering over.  I have this life and need to make it what I want it to be.  I want to suck the marrow out of life.  One could miss opportunities for sucking the marrow if you’re always on a deadline.  You could also neglect the gifts that God gave you and miss hearing your calling.  I am striving to embrace me for me again.  I always think of the line from This Is Spinal Tap when the band is checking into the one hotel and they mock the guy behind the counter (I think the neighbor from The Jeffersons played the guy) and he responds “I am just as God made me.”  Dude, he’s so right.  I am just as God made me.  My faults are only faults if I don’t acknowledge them or try to improve upon them.  My quirkiness is a gift.  I still don’t always know when to “hide” it, but if people don’t get it, they can deal with it.  It is one of my gifts to see the world a little skewed.  It is a gift to remain optimistic.  It is a gift to resist cynacism.  It is a gift to still have child-like belief and fascination with the world.

Did you ever see the live-action film of Scooby Doo?  Scooby is the office of the owner of Spooky Island.  He sees a bobble head and keeps playing with it till the owner tells him to stop it.  My boss has a bobble head of our school’s mascot on her desk.  One of the secretaries brought it in and asked if one of us wanted it.  It sits on my boss’ desk because I would sit there all day making it bobble if it were on my desk.  The wonderful simplicity of a bobble head amuses me.  The joy my sons have when I bring out the face paints.  The joy of temporary tattoos is another great thing.    I’m digressing somewhat, but my point is that I don’t have to always be a grown up.  Who wants to be that?  I know when and where and how to fit into the different circumstances, but dagnabbit, the rest of the time I can my own quirky self.

It returns to my earlier posting about rediscovering the audacious self.  Letting go of societal standards except when absolutely necessary.  It returns me to Hank.

“As for the complex ways of living, I love them not, however much I practice them. In as many places as possible, I will get my feet down to the earth.”[Henry D. Thoreau, Journal, 22 October 1853]

The simple things at a turtle’s pace with standards that are actually achievable.  A bobble head bobbles.

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Simplicity and grace strongly challenged

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , on May 20, 2011| Leave a Comment »

and I stumbled.  I regrouped and at least pulled in some grace at the last minute to apologize for losing control of my emotions in an unprofessional manner.  I dreaded this evening’s task for months.  I procrastinated and ignored it to the best of my ability.  This task is also one of the items I will be purging in an attempt to live that simpler life, but alas, two more times with this task and I’ll be done.

Yes, I am going to be ambiguous about what task was except to say it was not work related.  What it had that is so bothersome for me is an underbelly.  And a seedy one at that.  Lots of places, companies, governments, institutions, etc. have an underbelly.  I suppose it’s the nature of the beast.  I simply am not comfortable with a position that requires a lot of interaction with the underbelly.  It is easy to control how much underbelly I contend with at work, but this task…not so much.  I tried to hold myself together and remain composed.  I did until the very end and then it came spewing forth.

Mu hubby asked me what I was doing and I said “blogging about tonight.”  The sweet man that he is said I was graceful or gracious simply in that I wasn’t ungracious and I did keep my composure at key times.  He said he would have been more worried if I had been oblivious to the events that occurred during the task as it would demonstrate apathy at new depths for me.  I would love to write that I am apathetic toward the whole thing, but then I would be a liar tonight too.  Big hugs and kisses to my hubby for having my back.

Which he truly did.  I was so upset at one point that I left the room and took a walk with my sons.  They threw coins in the fountains and made wishes.  I thanked them for being so well-behaved tonight.  Meanwhile, my hubby was in the room speaking my mind for me since he knows my stance on the matter.  As my sons and I headed back, my oldest said his wishes came true.  See, I promised I would give them new toys as thanks for their good behavior.  He said one of his wishes was for a new toy.  The other was that I would stop crying.  And they helped me stop crying.  They filled me back up with God’s grace with their warm hugs and accolades for being such a good mommy.  They reminded me I am blessed.

We went back to the room and I read what my hubby had said and it helped me remain composed for the rest of the night.  Until the end when a straw broke the proverbial camel’s back.  I was emotional.  I probably lacked clarity.  I also owned my behavior by going back in to apologize.  Then we went home.

Yes, simplicity and grace were challenged, I did stumble, but I regained my footing with the help of my three stooges and I will learn from the experience.  Walking away is always an option.  It is a simple and graceful option.  Simplicity and grace, I seek you still.

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Simplicity vs. mediocrity

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , , , , on May 16, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Salieri said he was the patron saint of all mediocrities in Amadeus.  It is easy for a person to fall into the opinion that she is mediocre.  I’ve attended that pity party for too long.  I wrote of my desire to live simply and that is a much better place than a desire to live with mediocrity.  I took small steps yesterday toward that goal.  After adding a number of items to the recycling bins and filling a trash bag (some things just have nowhere else to go), I realized I am applying what I teach to others about procrastination.  Thirty minutes a day on an undesirable task and eventually it will be done.  If I can’t handle the thirty minutes I can surely handle the “Tolerable Ten.”  Any task can be tolerated for ten minutes.  I am also using rewards.  This may make me sound like a ten-year old, but these habits have been with me since I was about that age and I need rewards as I try to break the habits.

My reward tonight was to watch House without multi-tasking.  It was lovely.  I used to have several shows that I enjoyed and made a point of regularly watching.  I’m down to just House.  As shows have gone off the air, I haven’t found new ones to replace them.  I don’t like “reality” television because I know there is nothing real about it.  I went on casting calls for a few back in the day.  And yes, I’ll show my age, former shows included Cheers, Friends, X-Files and Monk.  I do enjoy the Wallander movies and word is that dear Kenneth will be treating me to some more even as the author announced he is done writing about Kurt.  I usually multi-task while watching television shows but tonight I waited to put the laundry in the washer till after the show.  I didn’t have the rhythmic spinning of the tub to distract me and I didn’t feel the self-imposed pressure to switch the clothes to the dryer when the cycle was done.

As House tried to remove his tumors, my boys were in their room reading the I-Spy book together.  They had already eaten dinner (stroganoff, crescent rolls, and tomatoes covered with mayo, salt & pepper-the favorite summer veggie).  We had talked about their school days and the fact the both had substitutes today.  Harrison and I talked about not faking “the sicks” and spending the morning at the nurse’s office anymore.  Hamilton tried to convince me he had milk with lunch and could have orange juice with dinner.  When I explained I can see every single item they purchase for lunch (including the extra snacks) he changed his tune and welcomed the glass of milk.  They cleaned up their train set-up, brought in the recycling cans and brushed their teeth.  I watched House, guilt-free and totally focused.

Parenting has always been a challenge.  It doesn’t matter when you were starting out as a parent, society was telling you how to do it.  Today seems to be a bit more hyper about telling folks how to do it (many more laws and way more vaccines).  It was so vogue to have your child in EVERYTHING by the time he was two.  We have bucked that trend since day one.  You can be a renaissance man over time, you don’t have to do it all at once.  A couple of years back there were a few articles about not over scheduling your children.  My husband and I said, great now we’re in style.  Our boys play in the dirt, sometimes eat the dirt, and collect bugs.  They “create” germs, write spooky stories, and howl like wolves most nights.  And they know how to entertain themselves while their mother watches her Monday night show.

I am not teaching them that television is more important than them.  I am teaching them that you have to unwind and relax.  You have to stop everything and let your mind be reflective.  Whether it is sitting and watching a show or movie, listening to music, or reading a book, you have to stop going, going, going so you don’t burn out.  And sometimes you need to do this by yourself.  So you can give of yourself fully to others the rest of the time.

After enjoying the episode, I tucked the boys into bed, we said prayers, gave goodnight kisses, and then I put the laundry in the washer.  The clothes are ready for the dryer.  Next I’ll practice my songs for Saturday night.  Then it’s to bed after today’s last dose of antibiotic steroid drops and an ice pack on my left eye for the allergic conjunctivitis.  I can fold the laundry tomorrow.  Ah, simplicity.

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Living Deliberately

Posted in Musings and Epiphanies, tagged , on May 14, 2011| 2 Comments »

“As for the complex ways of living, I love them not, however much I practice them. In as many places as possible, I will get my feet down to the earth.”[Henry D. Thoreau, Journal, 22 October 1853]

Thank goodness for writers far more talented at expression than I am.  This beautiful quotation from our good friend Thoreau covers something I grapple with.  It also reminds me that I do live where I live and have to conform to certain aspects of society.  However, I can spend the rest of my  time living in the ways I want to live.

I wrote the other day of purging things from within.  I also want to purge on the exterior.  Both are difficult to do.  My frame of mind is so in sync with the norms of society and with that phenomenon that grew from the Depression era of saving everything.  Perhaps the time with my great-grandmother influenced me to save everything because you might need it.  I do not want to add to the abundant waste in our world, so I will do my best to recycle or re-purpose items, but there is far too much in my home that I do not need or use to warrant continuing to save it.

“What you call bareness and poverty is to me simplicity. God could not be unkind to me if he should try.”  [Henry D. Thoreau, Journal, 5 December 1856]  To live simply in possessions is an aspiration.  How much does one person truly need?  How much “stuff” makes life better?  But still one becomes accustomed to this “stuff” and wonders how will one ever live without it?  What can I live without?

Realistically, I can’t pack up and go to Walden’s Pond living there in harmony with nature for the next two years and two months (I believe that’s how long Thoreau was there).  I can clean out the extra “stuff” that I waste time on and that makes my more-than-big-enough home feel small while also sucking away the time in my day (preventing me from sucking the marrow out of life).  When we were in the beautiful country of India, we saw homes constructed out of three tin walls and a roof reinforced with cow-pies.  Here I sit in a three/four bedroom, 1 1/2 bath home, with more than enough yard feeling that there isn’t enough room.  It’s the “stuff.”  I have “stuff” that I cannot readily identify or even remember its significance.  What I seek is the strength to let go of the practice of keeping the “stuff.”  I have practiced this particular complexity of living for my entire life and succeeding in this major reboot will be challenging.  But when I think of the payoff, I can sense the beauty that will enter my life.

Quotations from http://www.walden.org/Library/Quotations/Simplicity Individual sources listed with the quotes.

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